Apparently unnerved by his silence, she finally lifted her head from his chest to rear up and peer down at him. “Wow. That relieved, huh? I guess maybe I underestimated the effect of all that darkness I soaked up.”
“Nope. That proud. I want you to come. I want you by my side, where I can keep an eye on you myself. And there’s nothing about you—certainly not any darkness—that could make me relieved to see you go.” He held up a finger when she started to talk again, silencing her. He couldn’t send her away not knowing exactly what had drawn him to her. “I want all of you, not just the pretty sparkly bits that shine in the light.”
“You think light inside is bad,” she interrupted, probably parroting something Jackson had told her. “You think kindness is weakness.”
“No, I don’t. I know your kindness is what makes you care enough to fight. It’s what made you take on the responsibility of those girls without a second thought. But you need to understand that it’s your darkness that allows you to protect them. It’s your darkness that gives me the confidence to send you off with Light Boy to teach those girls. I know that you can protect them. Not Jackson. You, Lena. Because of your darkness. You’re the perfect balance of light and dark.”
He settled his head back against the seat of the car. She was. And he had been prepared to send her away. Instead, he had to let her go as she went on her own. What a fucking idiot.
When he continued, it was as much to remind himself as to tell her, “I figured out way before now that my woman needs purpose, not safety. And you’re right. Your purpose is waiting for you back at the fort.”
She bit her lip. “Your woman, huh?”
Alex lifted his head and raised a hand to her cheek, rubbing his thumb across her lips. “Yeah. Mine.”
“I thought you weren’t interested in having your focus compromised.”
“No, that’s not what I said.” He huffed a laugh when she raised her brows and started shaking her head. “I said I couldn’t—that I had nothing to offer. I was wrong. I was scared.”
“Alex Reyes, scared?”
He could hear the laughter catching in her throat, sweet and heady. He couldn’t help the answering smile. “Woman, I don’t scare easy, but damn if you don’t terrify me.”
“That’s what I hear. I don’t get it. What’s so scary about me?”
His smile faded. Alex stared into her eyes. It came down to this. This moment. And even though she’d walked right up to it with him, ready and willing, he felt a hot flare of anxiety stab into his chest and then settle in, throbbing. They both recognized that her role in their war was best fulfilled at the Fort. She’d told him it wasn’t to get away from him. Except for the distance, they’d go on.
Except for the distance? You won’t be there.
If he sent her with Jackson, everything would change. Yes, they’d both be working to push through this revolution. But Lena would be wrapped up in her new world, building a life for her girls. She’d build a new life for herself. Would there be room in it for Alex each time he returned? Or would she turn to Jackson?
He was taking a huge risk. Perhaps he should follow the course his heart screamed for him to take: make her stay, keep her close, find another way for her to contribute to what they were doing. The moment stretched. Alex swallowed.
What was so scary, she wanted to know.
“The possibility of losing you,” he said.
She shook her head. “You’re not losing me.” She narrowed her eyes teasingly and drawled, “You’re sending me away with another man, sure, but you’re not losing me.”
He’d be damned if he would let her head off into the sunset with another man, even at his own insistence, without making good and sure she understood they were meant for each other.
“Prove it, then.” He stroked his thumb back up her cheek. “Kiss me a promise, so neither of us forgets that this is home.” He gestured with his chin to the small space between them. “Right here with us. Make it a good one.”
Her mouth turned up. A small smile grew into a familiar naughty grin, her top teeth catching her bottom lip in a way that made his breath catch. She slid her legs around him and boosted herself further up him, then leaned down over his face. She hovered there, inches away.
“A promise, huh?”
The Spark between them already gathered into a glow he could feel just under his skin. He gave his head a tiny nod, and she smiled again. Her face softened as she leaned in and opened her mouth to his.
She made it a good one.
Chapter 33