I might not be able to defeat death, yet I could meet it head on.
I pushed the tears away and squared my jaw as I faced Ilyan, pulling the hood over my head as we walked to the door, making sure that the flowers in my hair were concealed, guarding the commitment I had bound myself in. I could feel the intricate braid through the fabric, felt his warmth within me, and I knew that Wyn had been right.
I had known there was only a day, and I would gladly make the choice all over again.
Because it was worth it.
Twenty-One
Ilyan led us toward the kitchen, one hand wrapped around mine and the other carrying the large duffle bag that I could only assume held all of his belongings. The hallway seemed darker as we walked; the old, grey stones looked black in the dim light of the hall that stretched on forever.
I tried to keep my breathing even in order to stop the fearful shake that seized through my torso, but it came anyway. The panic was just enough to keep me aware while I fought to keep the demons away.
The kitchen door was a tall slab of wood like all the others, but it might as well have been iron bars for how it felt against my soul. I let out one last shaking breath as we stopped before it, Ilyan’s grip on my hand tightening.
We just stood, staring at the door, knowing what it meant. Ilyan’s terrors ran through my head as I was sure mine did to him.
This was it.
Ilyan exhaled into the silence, his hand running over my back and pressing me into him, his lips pressing against mine in one hard, desperate line. Pressure and desire ran through me with that kiss, his need for me growing as I pressed myself into him.
I felt all his love in that instant, all his worry and sadness. I felt every promise and every vow. I felt it all in one tick of a clock before it was gone from me. His golden eyes devoured me as his fingers trailed over my jaw, lighting me on fire. He swallowed my soul with that look before he turned from me, his back straight as he towered before me with the long ribbon of gold hanging down his back and to the floor. His chest rose and fell as he stood. Once, twice he breathed, and then he opened the door and led us into the dimly-lit room.
I made my way into the room, the door shutting behind me with a loud snap that made my nerves jump.
The room was full of desperate whispers and the scraping of forks as the few who had to eat scarfed down the last of the food Ilyan had brought a few days before. Everyone was seated together at one of the large tables on the other side of the room. While Thom and Wyn had mostly cleared their plates, Ryland just sat between them with a plate of untouched food before him, rocking back and forth as Sain stood over him. The majority of the mumbles I heard came from Ryland’s lips.
Ilyan took one look at what was happening and rushed toward them, his intent to block Ryland’s memories echoing back through his thoughts.
Is he all right? I asked, unable to take my eyes off my friend. The clarity of my mind that Ilyan’s magic had given me took away the monster that Cail had created for a moment. Right then, I only saw my friend, and my heart pulsed in worry. I reached toward the diamond that hung around my neck, knowing I needed to do something.
I was one step away from moving toward Ryland when he looked up at me.
My heart turned into a dark, painful fist at the look in his black eyes, at the hatred and pain that poured through him. In that one look, the veil of clarity vanished, leaving me face to face with the monster that still terrified me. I froze in place, my fingers still pressing the cold stone into my chest, unable to look away. Unable to move away from the raw hatred that stared back at me.
My voice curled and moaned as I forced my eyes down to the floor, the strange emotion leaving just as Ilyan’s words flitted into my mind.
His soul is destroyed, my love. I will help him. I promise you.
I nodded once at his words, even though I knew he couldn’t see me, and turned from them, needing to get away. Dramin sat at the table behind me, his hands wrapped around a large, earthen mug, another one at his side. He smiled as I caught sight of him, his head inclining toward the space next to him and to the mug I could only assume was for me.
“You always forget,” he said as I slid into the chair beside him, “so I came prepared.”
“Thank you.” I was unable to stop the smile that lit up my face, but it wasn’t for the mug. No matter how much my stomach turned in need of it, my smile was at seeing him, sitting on his own beside me.
“You’re okay.” It was a statement, not a question, my awed voice making me sound a little bit more like an amazed child than I had meant it to.
“Thanks to you, child,” Dramin said with his usual chipper tone as he lifted his cup to me, his eyes twinkling in a wink.