Between Aska and Riki.
We made camp before we reached the valley and no one spoke as we built the fire and laid out our cloaks onto the ground. The nights were getting warmer every day but they would grow colder again as we made our way back toward Fela. Remembering the cold made me shiver. I could still remember the blue, night-shrouded forest that had almost taken my life the night Thorpe tried to kill me.
I slid my saddlebag from my arm carefully, trying to keep the pain at bay.
“Let me.” Fiske reached for my arm but my father was already stepping forward to stand between us. Fiske dropped his hand, lifting his chin toward my shoulder. “She’s torn it open.”
My father looked me over, his heavy hand landing on my arm, and I flinched. “What happened?”
“I took an arrow in my shoulder. It’s healing.” I brushed him off.
Fiske eyed me. “It’s not healing. Let me look.”
My father looked at Fiske warily. “Are you a healer?”
“My mother is. We’ve been treating it.”
My father’s eyes narrowed on me, not leaving my face. The corners of his mouth twitched, turning down as the thoughts flickered in his mind. That bit of trust between us was rattling in the wind. He gave a nod, and I untied the armor vest below my arm. Fiske lifted it over my head, pulling the shoulder of my tunic open. The old bruising was encircled by new bruising and the back opening of the wound was still closed up. But the front was swollen, seeping fresh blood.
“Sit down.” Fiske went for his bag and when he came back, my father was standing over me.
“How did it happen?” he asked.
Fiske straightened.
“I tried to escape when they were taking me to Fela. One of them shot me.”
Fiske opened the jar of salve that Inge had given to us. As soon as the smell hit my nose, I could see her, standing over the fire in their home, stirring the big iron pot.
“It needs to drain.” He leaned in closer.
I nodded through a sigh, knowing what that meant. “Do it.” I took the knife from my belt and handed it to him.
My father tensed beside me, taking another step closer.
Fiske held the blade in the flames for a moment, turning it over so that it reflected the light. When it was starting to glow at the edges, he lifted it up and let it cool in the night air. He held the handle of the knife in his teeth as he gently pulled at the opening of the wound with his thumbs. I pinched my eyes closed, the warmth of infection dripping down my arm. The pain spread out from my shoulder to the rest of my body, making my head pound.
“Hold this.” He positioned my hand over the cloth beneath my shoulder.
He fit the tip of the blade at the opening of the wound and sliced it down quickly. I bit down hard, pushing out a long, loud breath. The blood spilled out, running over my skin and absorbing into the cloth as he squeezed my arm to get as much of the poisoned blood out as possible. I groaned, finding my father’s leg where he stood beside me and pushing my face into it, breathing.
When Fiske was finished, he packed the salve back into the broken skin and bound it up tightly in a fresh bandage. He put the knife back into the fire and my blood boiled off the blade as the throbbing wracked my body.
As soon as he moved away from me, my father relaxed, going back to the fire and pulling a strip of dried meat from his bag. He handed me a piece and I took it, but I was too nauseous to eat. I sat still, trying to let the pulsating pain subside.
They ate in the heavy quiet as night fell, all looking into the fire between us. Every unspoken thought grew wild in it. Whatever my father was hiding, Myra knew. I could tell by the way they didn’t look at each other.
When he walked into the trees to gather more wood, I stood. Myra read my movements and followed me into the trees, leaving Fiske at the fire. I caught up to him, bending low to pick up the thick branch he’d just cut in two with his axe. I hugged it against my chest, waiting for him to load up Myra’s arms.
“What is it?” He could feel the hesitation coming off me like steam in the cold.
I tried to feel the weight of my body down in my feet to steady myself. To feel stronger somehow. Like if I was planted there the words I said couldn’t blow me away. “I need to tell you something.”
He turned, leaning into the tree beside him and hooking his thumbs into his armor vest. Behind him, Myra shifted the wood to her hip, waiting.
I swallowed against the burn in my throat. “Iri’s alive.”
The words rang in my ears like a guttural roar. They echoed in the forest and wound around us like a snake. My father’s face hardened. He stopped breathing and I didn’t look away from his eyes. I held his gaze, trying to give him something to hold onto as a storm erupted in his mind.
“He’s alive. I did see him that day in Aurvanger.” The words became smaller as each one left my mouth. “He was fighting with the Riki.”
My father stood up off the tree, dropping his hands at his sides.
“He wasn’t dead. When we left him in the trench, he wasn’t dead. The Riki took him to Fela. Their healer took him in.”
“What do you mean took him in?” My father finally spoke, but it was twisted and strained. Rage conjured behind his eyes.
“The other boy in the trench—it was Fiske. He saved Iri’s life. They took him to Fela and made him well and…” I sighed. “I don’t know. He joined them.”
My father looked over my head, into the black of the forest.
“I found him again at the last battle and he captured me to keep the Riki from killing me. He planned to keep me with him in Fela until the thaw and then let me escape.”
His hands ran over his face and he breathed into them.
“Iri’s been living with Fiske’s family these last five years.”
He turned to the orange glow in the trees in the distance where Fiske was still sitting by the fire.
“Why didn’t he come with you? Why didn’t he come back to the Aska?” Myra stepped in front of me.
“I told him to stay.” I looked to my feet. “I was afraid of what may happen to him if I brought him back. I wanted to tell you first.”
My father paced before me.
“Fiske’s family has become his family.” I didn’t need to see him to know what that did to him, because I remembered it too well. But I couldn’t look away. His body responded to it, going rigid from head to toe. “I don’t understand it,” I said. “But he’s become one of them.”
The sounds of the forest came up around us in the night and he looked at me for a long time before he finally looked at Myra. And that same look passed between them, but this time Myra’s jaw clenched, her arms tightening around the wood. The question on her face transformed into anger and she gathered up the rest of the wood, starting back toward the camp and leaving my father and me alone. I stood, waiting. I couldn’t guess what he might do.
But when his eyes looked up to me again, half hidden beneath his thick eyebrows, they glistened, his nose turning red.
“We left him.” The whisper was smothered. Suffocated.
I nodded, the tears in my eyes reflecting his. “But he’s alive.”
FORTY-ONE
I dreamed of the bear.
I stood in the path that snaked through Fela with my feet buried in the snow. The flakes came down clinging to one another in big clumps landing on the golden-brown fur that framed its face and it looked up at me, with the same wide, black eyes. They were like a starless night sky. There was no end to them.
The prickling of his stare ran over my body, making me shake as I lifted my hand and spread my fingers, reaching out to him. He looked at it, taking a small step toward me until I could feel his breath on the palm of my hand.
But then he was gone.