I’m sure that Cricket knew what was happening, but she didn’t tell my father, and he was oblivious to anything that didn’t impact his iron control over Haven’s pack. Just learning to work with, rather than against, my wolf gave me a bit of peace, and I drifted through my restrictive life for most of my sixteenth year, not sure I really needed to leave the pack after all. Then my father’s eye came back around to his wayward daughter.
When I walked down the stairs on the morning of my seventeenth birthday and found my father waiting on the landing, I couldn’t resist thinking that perhaps the Chief had thespian aspirations. Why else would he always pin me down on the morning of my birthday? Unless—depressing thought—that was the only day my father could be bothered to spend a minute thinking about his disappointing middle child.
“What now?” I demanded, deciding to go on the defensive even as I sought to still the wolf inside me. My period had begun the day before, and the wolf was more awake than usual inside my body, making the dim house seem brighter and the sound of my father’s harsh breathing louder. I reminded my canine half that I had everything under control, that shifting to fur would do neither of us any good, and she quieted, although my senses didn’t diminish.
My father ignored my argumentative opening and merely said, “You’re old enough to give me grandchildren.” Then he turned on his heel, content in his knowledge that he’d laid down the law and I would obey his orders. But there was no way I was going to give the Chief the illusion of implicit consent by letting a statement like that stand, so I called out to him before he could leave.
“What, you’re saying I need to get married?” I asked, my voice turning shrill despite my best efforts. “When? Today? And with whom? I assume you already have my future husband picked out?” I was livid from this latest assault on my independence, and I could feel the fur starting to poke out through my skin despite my silent requests for my wolf to settle. Even though my father hadn’t allowed me to continue studying to be a schoolteacher, I’d assumed the Chief would leave me alone as long as I did enough around the house to prevent Cricket from complaining about my laziness. Apparently I was wrong.
My father didn’t even turn back to look at me, nor did he grace me with a reply, but I could feel my mind beginning to twist as it worked to obey the alpha wolf’s orders. The more specific an alpha’s demands were, the less leeway a pack wolf had to work around their leader’s command—our biology just wouldn’t let us disobey the alpha. It was then, while I struggled with my own body to squash my sudden urge to choose a mate, that I finally understood that while I was living under my father’s roof, I would never be able to follow my own path. So I did the unthinkable and broke the alpha’s hold over me.
“I’m not getting married,” I said slowly and coldly, and wasn’t surprised at all when the Chief stopped in his tracks, although the pack leader still didn’t turn to face me. “I’m leaving today, and I’m never coming back.”
The words seemed to float in the dim air for minutes while my father and I stood, frozen by my insolence. Then the Chief began to laugh, and I felt the first ache of packlessness in my stomach. “Go,” he said, when his chuckles finally receded. “I’ll be glad to see the back of you. But don’t let your wolf be seen by a human or I’ll come kill you myself.”
And, still without looking me in my face, my father strode out of the room and out of my life. That morning, I hitched a ride to another state, found a forest large enough to hide my wolf, and set into action the chain of events that led to mauling that poor little girl ten years ago … and to saving Melony today. I was packless by choice.
***
The memory had pulled me so deep into the past that I felt like I was wakening from a dream when I opened my eyes back onto the camping scene in front of me. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but the bond that held the human family together was even clearer than before. Mr. Carr stroked his wife’s damp hair, Melony nestled down into the cavity between the two parental bodies, and Mrs. Carr sat up enough to open her air passages and sing a quiet lullaby, her hand circling over her daughter to embrace both husband and child. As I stood in the chilly drizzle, I could imagine the emotional and physical warmth of the family’s hug, but after remembering both the seductive embrace and the strict rules of my own pack, the vision only made me feel colder.
Behind me, I could hear car doors banging shut as my co-workers finally headed home. A screech owl called mournfully in the woods, and I thought the rain had begun to fall harder, then I realized the water dripping down my face was tears.