“Must have been impressive.”
“It was. It scared hell out of many thousands of people, Miranda.”
“And you saved the men condemned to fight and die?”
“Yes,” replied Pug.
“But what?”
“But to save two score of soldiers wrongly condemned, I ended up killing hundreds of people whose only crime was to be born on Kelewan and choose to attend a festival for their Emperor.”
Miranda said, “I think I understand.”
“It was a temper tantrum,” said Pug. “Nothing more. I could have found a better way to deal with it had I remained calm, but I let my anger consume me.”
“It’s understandable,” she said.
“It may be understandable,” replied Pug, “but it is no more forgivable for being understandable.” He paused at the top of the ridge that separated the beach from the interior of the island and looked out at the vista. “Look at the sea. It doesn’t care. It endures. This world endures. Shila will eventually endure. When the last demon starves to death, something will happen. A bit of life will fall from the sky, in a meteor or on the winds of magic, or by means I don’t understand. Maybe it will be a single blade of grass hidden behind a rock the demons missed, or some other tiny life that lingers at the bottom of the oceans will emerge and eventually that world will again see life thrive, even if I never return to it.”
“What are you saying, my love?”
“It’s tempting to think of yourself as powerful when those around you are far less so, but compared to the simple fact of existence, to the power of life and how it hangs on, we are nothing.” He looked at his wife. “The Gods are nothing.” He looked toward their home. “Despite my years, I am nothing more than a child when it comes to understanding these things. I know now why your father was always so driven to seek out new knowledge. I know why Nakor revels in each new thing he encounters. We are die same as children encountering a tiny bauble.”
He fell quiet, and Miranda said, “Talking of children makes you sad?”
They walked down the sloping path, through a glade of trees, and approached the outer garden of their estate. They could see students gathered around in a circle, practicing an exercise Pug had given them the day before.
“When I felt my children die, it took all my willpower to keep from flying to confront the demon again,” said Pug.
Miranda lowered her eyes. “I’m glad you didn’t, my love.” She still blamed herself for goading him into attacking the demon prematurely and almost losing his life in the process.
“Well, perhaps my injuries taught me something. Had I challenged Jakan when he was still in Krondor, I might not have survived to defeat him at Sedianon.”
“Is that why you avoid helping remove this General Fadawah from Ylith?”
“Patrick would be pleased for me to simply show up and burn the entire province of Yabon to the ground. He’d happily move settlers in from the East and replant trees, claiming a great victory.
“I doubt the people living there would agree, and neither would the elves or the dwarves who live nearby. Besides, most of those men are no more evil than those serving Patrick. I find matters of politics are of less interest to me every day.”
“Wise,” said Miranda. “You are a force, as am I, and between the two of us we could probably conquer a small nation.”
“Yes,” said Pug with a grin, his first smile since telling of the arena. “What would you do with it?”
“Ask Fadawah,” suggested Miranda. “He obviously has plans.”
Entering the main building of the estate, Pug said, “I have larger concerns.”
“I know,” she replied.
“There is something out there,” said Pug. “Something I haven’t encountered for years.”
“What?”
“I’m not sure,” said Pug. “When I know, I will tell you.” Pug said nothing more. Both knew of the existence out in the cosmos of a great evil, the Nameless One, who was at the root of all the troubles they had been facing for the previous century. And that evil had human agents, men whom Pug had encountered more than once in the past. Pug kept his thoughts to himself, but there had been one agent of Nalar, a mad magician named Sidi, who had created havoc fifty years before. Pug thought the man dead, but now he wasn’t sure. If it wasn’t Sidi he sensed out there, it was another like him, and either possibility left Pug feeling dread and fear. Dealing with these forces was a task beyond any Pug had imagined while he was a Great One of the Assembly, or during his early days of creating Stardock.
It was a task that more than once left Pug feeling defeated before he had even begun. He thanked the gods that he had Miranda, for without her, he would long before have given himself up to despair.