She had been trapped in her prison for ten days. We had escaped the cave in Italy only for her to remain trapped in her solitary prison. For her, it had been more than a month, more than a month of what I could only assume would be consistent torture.
My hands lay on my knees in meditation. My thoughts were on the desires of my heart, while my power focused on the natural magic that surrounded me. It was the only religion I knew, the only deity I had found in this world – the magic in the earth.
I had to hope it was enough. I breathed it into me, pulling the heavy ancient power through me only to transfer it to Joclyn, to move it through the ?tít and into her.
When I first came to this place, almost a thousand years ago, my heart was heavy, broken, and guilty. I had taken a life, and part of me felt power in that. A wicked ribbon of black that I could feel attempting to infect my soul. If my father had gotten his way, it would have. But I had seen that maniacal light in his eyes then, the joy at what I was able to accomplish, and the look scared me. If I had any wisdom at the time, I would have seen what he was capable of then, and I would have stopped him, but I was only a child.
A child who ran away from home, ran from what I was supposed to become, to build a monastery and find inner peace. Sadly, I was still not sure I had ever found it.
“Ilyan?” I kept my eyes closed at Thom’s voice, his magic adding its own ebb and flow to the air around me. I breathed it in, adding it to my own.
The crunching of Thom’s feet against the destroyed bits of the chapel came closer, his magic heavy with insecurity and yet steady, always steady. He sat down next to me, and while I still did not move, I opened my eyes, hoping the small gesture could be taken in greeting.
“Dramin told me what happened.” I could only nod, not sure I wanted to talk about it, not sure what to say. “He’s on guard now, but...I wanted to see if you needed anything první.”
I kept my vision forward, although my magic flared to Joclyn, covering her through the ?tít as I reconfirmed her safety. She still slept, her body continuing to heal as she lay.
I couldn’t be mad at Dramin for leaving her, although part of me wanted to be. If we didn’t keep someone on guard at all times, we would soon be overrun. Trpaslík camps had been popping up every night, each one bringing our enemy closer to us, each one giving us less time before they would attack.
“Ilyan? M?j pane?”
I sighed and looked at him out of the corner of my eye, one quick glance before returning to stare at the graffiti on the wall. He obviously wasn’t going to leave me alone. He was worried, but I couldn’t help but feel his worry was misplaced. I could handle my own issues.
“I’m fine, Thom. Jen jsem...” I stopped. I never opened myself up to anyone. It exposed too many weaknesses, too many weapons that could be used against me. I had heard the mortals use the phrase ‘skeletons in the closet’ for hundreds of years, and that is sometimes how I felt – as if I had skeletons in my closet. Except it wasn’t one or two hung up on a coat rack, it was an armada. If I could ever control them, I could take over the whole world.
I had surprised myself when I began to open up to Joclyn, when I began to tell her of my past. The only people who knew such things about me were those who had been present my whole life: Dramin, Ovailia, Sain, and Talon. Even they did not know the whole picture, but Joclyn, I wanted Joclyn to know everything. I wanted Joclyn to understand me, to trust me, so that when the time came for her to rely on me and trust in my judgment, she would do so without question. I didn’t want to have to command her magically as I sometimes did all the others. I had done so once, after she had first lost Ryland, and I still regretted it.
Thom continued to look at me expectantly. I could feel his eyes burning into me. I stayed still, my vision forward, my breathing even. As much as I trusted Thom, as much as I loved my brother, I didn’t want to let him inside my head.
“You’ll find a way to get her out.” I couldn’t help but smile at Thom’s words, at his easy confidence. After all, he had been so set on simply destroying her not long before.
“You believe that, do you?” I could almost feel him twitch beside me at my words. I had overheard him talking to Dramin last night, his fears about the inaccuracy of sight spoken aloud. It may have been wrong to eavesdrop, it may have been wrong to bring up what I had heard, but my regal blood demanded one thing, while my logic another. The distinction was never clear to me anymore.
“You know I only fear our father,” he said, the wavering in his voice surprising.
“Vím, ?e.” I suddenly felt bad for bringing it up. “I do too, which is why I am still alive and why I can’t bring myself to look past the terror that Joclyn is trapped in.”
My muscles tensed in anxiety the second I finished talking. I had spoken too plainly, opened myself up too much to him. The words had come unbidden from my mouth, and now I was to face the consequences.