“Any new developments?” He knew there would be none, just as I did. We were still trapped in the cave, and Joclyn was still trapped in the T?uha.
“I can stay with her again today if you would like? Thom can shift rock on his own for a while, it would give you time to rest.” I knew he meant well, but I didn’t need to be coddled. Resting while Joclyn writhed was not a possibility. I would rather shift rock with Thom as I did every day. At least then, my mind could focus on other things.
“I see you braided her hair again,” he said when I didn’t answer him. I nodded at Dramin’s question, waiting for what would come next.
I had braided her hair after some of her blood had dried in it. I had been able to repair the head injury easily enough, but the dark mass of curls needed to be washed. With nothing to clean it with, I resorted to re-braiding, weaving the clumps into the intricate five strand braid. I hadn’t even realized what I had done until it was finished.
“The wedding braid is an interesting choice.” I ignored him. “To match the shoes, I take it.”
I leaned my head back and looked at him out of the corner of my eye, almost daring him to continue.
“You can imagine my surprise when she showed up wearing those things on her feet. They are excellent workmanship.”
Dramin let his unasked question linger heavy on the air. I could feel it swirl around us, the intensity of it growing the longer I left it unacknowledged.
I knew I owed him no reply; it was not my place to allow insight into my every thought. But Dramin did not ask as a curious servant, he asked as my friend and Joclyn’s brother, and in that regard, I did owe him an explanation.
“I made the shoes as a gift,” I finally said, refusing to look at him. I focused on Joclyn’s heartbeat as I spoke. The steady thrum moving through me.
“She had lost something I couldn’t even fathom; I wanted to give her what she was due. What her husband should have placed on her feet on the night of the bonding.”
“And so, with him gone, you tried to take his place.” I could hear the accusation clearly, but instead of making me angry it only made me laugh.
“You know, that was never my intention, strangely enough. I made the shoes as a gift from her newfound brother, a wedding gift. Part of me fully expected Ryland to return, to fight Edmund and reappear as if nothing had happened. But then, when she wasn’t recovering, when Ryland never came, I knew he was gone. Then, I had begun to make them for an entirely different purpose.”
“As a gift from a husband to his wife.”
I nodded. I knew it was a foolish line of thinking, and one I still resented ever having, but if that last visit into the T?uha hadn’t cured her, I would have replaced Ryland’s bond with one of my own. I knew that would have saved her, because I had seen it done before. I would have gladly taken that role if it was necessary, but it wasn’t.
It was not yet my place. She wasn’t mine to keep.
“It is not my place, Dramin.”
“Not yet,” he said. I could only smile, letting the beautiful visions of the sight from so long ago wash over me.
“She is bonded to my brother, Dramin. That is a sacred connection and one I would never take advantage of. I will protect her for him. I will keep her safe as my soul calls for me to do, but I will never take her from him. She is not mine. I love her more than I have any other. I love her enough that I would rather see her happy than in my possession. My time will come.”
I didn’t doubt that any of my words were true, and it wasn’t the fickle truth of having convinced myself to believe something. I truly believed it. I had felt it from the beginning when I first saw Ryland swing her around on the grass at her school. I knew then that I could never take that away from her, that connection. It wasn’t my place. Besides, doing things like that was not who I was.
“But she loves you, Ilyan.” Dramin’s voice was deep, almost as if he was trying to convince me I was making a wrong decision, but I could only laugh at him.
“I know, Dramin. She told me so,” I whispered, my fingers moving to run over the soft skin of her face. “And those words flow through my head every night as I keep her safe in my arms, holding her until the right arms can take my place.”
She sighed as I held her, almost as if she heard me, though I knew that wasn’t possible, her mind was not there to hear me. I smoothed my hand over her hair and the soft skin of her face. Her deep breathing seeped into me, relaxing me as well. The heady beating of my heart slowed, the uncharacteristic relaxation making me feel more in love with her than before if that was possible.
“It will be harder than you think, handing her over to him.”
“I know,” I couldn’t help it, my muscles tightened around her, bringing her against me tightly. I knew Dramin was right, but no matter how hard, I still would not interfere. I would not break such a sacred vow. It was not mine to break.