I gaped at Sain's words, the instructions foreign and awkward. I wasn't a body. I was mist. I was bits of everyone, and at the same time, nothing. How could I focus on a body if none existed for me? I heard Sain sigh and Ryland laugh, the sounds rippling through me. Why did they seem so normal? Weren't they screaming only moments before?
"She's more stubborn than you were Ryland," Sain laughed, an impatient clip in his voice.
"I'm just lucky you were here, old man, or I would have stayed a floating blob of other people's emotions forever. Well, until Cail forced me out, anyway."
Is that what I was, a floating mass of other people's lives? Yes, I was. I had known this before.
"I don't know why you count centuries of torture as 'luck', but I suppose I will take your word for it."
"Did you feel that?" Ryland interrupted, his tone deep and panicked.
"Is Joclyn falling asleep?" Sain’s voice was just as worried. "Is he here?"
"No, it's something else."
I heard their words. I liked the way they floated through me. It was not their words that I felt now; however, it was small fingers on my cheek. A cheek.
Once I felt my cheek, my body fell into place, my mind detaching itself from the mist and the group memories that had plagued it. I felt my legs connect and step onto something hard, my weight dropping to the ground as my legs chose not to support me.
My vision circled and flowed as colors took over the white, a forest floor crackling under my fingers. I had barely registered the pine needles before Sain rushed up to me, his hands moving to my shoulders as he inspected me for injuries.
"Are you all right?" I looked up to face Sain, his face clean shaven, his hair short, and everything about him clean and well taken care of. I wouldn't have recognized him if it wasn't for his eyes.
I nodded once.
“You will be safe,” Sain said, and I couldn’t help but hear the heavy infliction in his voice, the way his tone dipped and wavered into something deeper.
“So it is you?” I asked, the normalcy of my voice taking me off guard.
“Yes, I could tell you my life story, but we simply don’t have time for it, nor do I think you want to hear my depressing tale right now.”
He smiled sadly, his kind eyes still searching mine. I couldn’t return the smile. I just couldn’t. I was far too confused.
“Can you stand?” Sain asked, his hands wrapping around mine and pulling me up before I had a chance to respond.
“It can be disorienting at first, so don’t try to make too much of it. We are only here for a few minutes.”
“Where are we?” I asked.
“This is where we wait,” Sain said as he steadied me. “He doesn’t know we are able to materialize. He makes us wait before he uses us as his pawns.”
“He?”
“Your brother.” I winced at Sain’s words. I tried not to, but I did. The memories of what had so recently happened to me were still fresh.
Despite the effect Cail’s name had on me, I still didn’t understand where we were exactly. I arched my eyebrows at Sain and cocked my head in confusion, hoping to prompt him to continue, but his face fell, his head shaking dejectedly.
“Nothing good happens now. What your father has done to you in the dungeon, that’s just the opening act.”
“I thought you said we were safe here,” I said, looking around and still not understanding.
“Not here,” he said. “Where he takes us afterwards. Just remember, it is only a dream.”
I swallowed hard, the inflection in Sain’s voice heavy with fact and warning.
"It's gone." Ryland’s voice was loud as it broke our conversation apart, leaving my hundreds of unasked questions trapped inside me.
"What was it?" Ryland asked Sain, ignoring that I was there.
"You control this place, Ryland, you tell me. It's just my blood that makes the connection."
Ryland snorted and shook his head, his curls bouncing as he finally turned and acknowledged I was there. He stared at me intently, a million emotions set into his eyes.
“Is she all right?” he said succinctly.
I leaned into Sain, not knowing what to say or how Ryland would react to the little I did know. While I would like to say he was safer here, more stable, I could still see the anxiety, the exploding anger, behind his eyes.
“I don’t know,” I whispered. “She has been in hiding with Ilyan. I haven’t seen her in months.”
I watched as Ryland’s jaw clenched, his eyes turning to the chilling color of ice. I could feel the anger radiating off him as he walked away from us, his fist colliding with a tree, and then punching through it as the sturdy trunk turned to smoke.
“Calm down, Ryland,” Sain said, his voice deep and fatherly.
“How can I calm down?” he yelled, his voice loud. I flinched into Sain, feeling weird for trying to find comfort in him. “It’s been months, she says. Months! We have been tortured, used against her, beaten – for months. All while she has been on an extended date with her new boyfriend.” I flinched at his words, taking a step closer to Sain. I really wished I hadn’t said anything.
“That’s not true, Ryland,” Sain said, his voice a calming beacon that Ryland didn’t seem to respond to.