My tension grew, but Ilyan’s song filled my mind, the thought flowing from Ilyan into me, my own lips following suit as I whispered the words to myself. The anxiety I had felt lessened as Ilyan’s magic filled me from a distance.
The song ended just as the door creaked open as he entered a few minutes later. I knew it was Ilyan, but I couldn’t stop the tension from filling my joints or the way my head moved toward my chest. I kept my body still against the stone of the wall as I felt Ilyan’s magic move closer to me, the ebbs growing as he calmed me.
I turned my eyes enough to watch as he sat next to me, his legs crossed beneath him, just far enough away that I couldn’t touch him easily. I curled into myself instinctively, part of me wishing I wouldn’t. I could hear that part of me scream for his contact, but the jitters begged otherwise.
Even through the fear, I still wanted to touch him. I pushed the thought away, choosing instead to focus on his blue eyes and how they dug into me, the way his fingers twitched in desperation to touch me, and the way his lips turned up in a calm joy when I looked at him.
I watched him, and I felt the tension leave, my heart rate slow. Not for the first time, just the sight of him calmed me.
“Ilyan,” I breathed, my voice calm. I wasn’t sure I could manage more than that one word though.
He smiled at the sound of his name on my tongue, his magic surging in response.
“Are you talking now?” he asked, his voice a cross between amusement and worry.
No.
I sent the one word into his mind, but instead of sadness, he only smiled. I didn’t see what was so funny, but he obviously did. I wrapped my hands around myself, my body tensing at what that smile could mean. It was nothing. It had to be nothing but happiness.
I will only talk to you.
Ilyan smiled again, his gaze darting away from mine to his hands before coming back to rest on me, the soft blue light of his eyes glossed over.
“And, I will cherish every second of your voice that you give me.”
He smiled again, the warmth of his face seeping into me, soothing my nerves. My body loosened a bit, and I couldn’t help but let my own small smile filter onto my face. A smile. It felt weird and foreign on my face. I had forgotten what it felt like. I had forgotten what happiness felt like.
“Y…you w-w-will?” My smile left as the stutter took over, the shake of my voice taking my newfound happiness away.
“I will,” he sighed, his body shifting to move closer to me. His knees pressed against the heavy blanket I had covered myself with. I focused on the pressure, leaning into it. I leaned into the warmth I felt from his touch and the ripples of heat coming off his body, my body hovering precariously away from the pressure the alcove provided me.
“How are you feeling?”
My eyes widened at his question, at the barely concealed worry behind it. I don’t know why, but his worry seemed to calm me. Just knowing how much he cared seemed to steady my frayed nerves.
I’m not sure if I am fine or if I am broken.
“It’s okay to be both, Joclyn.” He sighed, his hand moving to rest against my cheek, but it wasn’t skin I felt. I turned my head toward him in confusion, my eyes narrowing at the heavy bandage he had covered his hand with.
My heart beat quickly at seeing it there. Ilyan had hurt himself. For the first time, I worried about what had happened while I had been trapped in hell, while I had been tortured. Ilyan had been injured. Heavy emotions swirled through me, once forgotten and now foreign, as I began to remove the heavy bandage.
Ilyan’s heart quickened as I removed the covering, my breathing shaking as the angry red marks came into view. The red welts stood up from his hand like a burn, but the skin was still wet in places.
What happened? I asked, my fear for him overriding my personal demons for the moment. He didn’t need to tell me. I could see the moment replayed in his head, the horrors of those last moments in my hell a swirl of color and fear in his eyes.
This is how you brought me back? The Black Water?
He nodded once, and I pulled the hand toward me, my back arching as I brought the scars against my face, another mark that Ilyan would bear forever, another scar he had taken for me.
Thank you.
“Haven’t I told you enough? I would do anything for you.”
His voice was so soft I barely heard him. I leaned toward him as I pressed his hand against me, his magic pulsing through me. It was so warm and delicate, within me. I could feel it reach into every part of me, cradling me as if I was something precious, which is how I knew he looked at me.
I could feel his emotions whisper it to me now. I could feel his heart ache; his love for me that was always held behind the strict barriers of what he felt was right, broke through, and bared between us. I stared at him as his thoughts and emotions swirled toward me.