He spat out a string of ugly imprecations, taking a second step toward her. “You don’t know anything about us. Big deal, I’m having a drink. Don’t feel sorry for me, Doc, I don’t need it.”
Despite her fear—or maybe because of it, Maia burst out laughing. “I definitely am feeling sorry for me, not you. Everyone has to live with demons, Steele. Some are worse than others, but we all have them. It’s your choice how you deal with them. Drink yourself silly if that’s what floats your boat. Personally, I’d drive the ghost out of my home. Reclaim it from him. Exorcise him, if you will.” She looked around the house. “It’s beautiful here and you’ve allowed it to become a mausoleum, cold and ugly with something cruel living in it. I can feel it. You can too. And so can Jase. I don’t know why you want to keep it alive, but, hey”—she shrugged—“it’s nothing to do with me.”
Her heart hurt for him. Ached for Jase. But Cole Steele was never going to accept compassion from her. It would seem too much like pity to him. And if she had sex with him, which he so obviously wanted, it might get him through the night, but he’d still have to face his nightmares again and again.
“You’re damned right it’s nothing to do with you.” Cole crossed the room, to stand in front of her. The top two buttons of his jeans were carelessly unbuttoned as if he’d pulled them on hastily and exited his bedroom as fast as he could.
Maia refused to be intimidated. She knew he was being blatantly sexual on purpose, hoping to scare her away or get her into his bed. The knowledge gave her the confidence to walk right past him and she set her mug on the coffee table.
Using her most casual voice, as if they were conversing over a trivial matter rather than one that cut so deep, she said, “It doesn’t matter, Cole. We just believe in handling things differently. It doesn’t mean I’m right, and you’re wrong, it just means I wouldn’t do things your way, and you wouldn’t do them my way.”
His cool blue gaze drifted over her. “What would you do if you lived here with ghosts?”
It sounded taunting, like a challenge.
She raised an eyebrow, turned to look around the spacious room. “I wouldn’t let him drive me out or ruin my life. I’m mean like that. If I could actually have a home, no one would take it from me.”
Maia wanted a home, but for some reason wouldn’t stay too long in any one place. Cole filed the information away for future use. “Give me an example. Jase hates Christmas. It wasn’t a nice time of year for him. He doesn’t even like to hear the music, it brings on nightmares. If I cranked up “Jingle Bells,” I’d just be making things worse for him.” And for himself. He’d looked death in the eye a thousand times, courted it, spit at it, and he’d never so much as broken a sweat. But the thought of hearing Christmas music, seeing decorations, reliving nightmares every moment scared the hell out of him.
Maia nodded. Cole might be telling the truth about Jase, but in the scenario he was describing his and his brother’s names were interchangeable. She took a deep breath and let it out. She wasn’t a psychiatrist, and she didn’t have anything but her instincts to go on, but she knew someone had to reach out to Cole Steele before it was too late. He shut out the world, preferred to live in isolation, but Jase had provided him with a small window of opportunity to get his life back. What Cole would not do for himself, he might be willing to do for Jase, and heal them both in the process.
“Everyone is different in how they handle these things, but the truth is, Christmas comes every year. Jase is going to have to face it year after year. And the season seems to come earlier every year. What happens if he wants to get married and have children? It doesn’t mean he can’t have a great family life without celebrating Christmas; but if he falls in love with someone like me, someone who loves Christmas, it might be difficult.”
Someone like me. Cole’s heart did a funny somersault. Maia did love Christmas, and he could see with her sunny, outgoing, giving personality, she would. She was happy and cheerful, and she wanted a home. Families celebrated things like Christmas. He nodded, feeling more alone than ever. “I’ve considered that. I just don’t know how to go about getting him to enjoy the season. If we go into town, and he looks at all the decorations, that’s enough to trigger the nightmares.”
“It started here, didn’t it? With his father?” She asked it carefully, not looking at him, not taking a chance he’d see the knowledge in her eyes. She was treading on very dangerous ground. Cole would be lethal under the right circumstances, and she didn’t want him to feel as if he had to defend himself.