REAMDE

“Oh yeah—you’re the only person in the world to whom I am opaque,” Egdod said. He turned around to face the Anthron. “Check it out.”

 

 

“Oh my word, you’ve been shot!” For Egdod actually did have a crossbow bolt projecting from the general vicinity of his liver. But as the Anthron watched, the bolt was spat out by the wound it had made. It flipped backward for about a meter and stuck in the grass. By the time the Anthron’s eyes had traveled back up to the wound, it had healed, leaving behind a pink scar that was rapidly fading. “A little trick I picked up about a thousand years ago,” Egdod explained. “Hold on a sec while I deal with these guys.”

 

“Deal with them?”

 

“I could incinerate them just by looking at them funny,” Egdod said, “but then they’d know that an extremely high-level character was running around the Torgai, and word might get around. So I’m going to do it the way a lower-level character might.” Egdod turned back toward the interlopers, raised his hands, and uttered a phrase in a dead classical language of T’Rain.

 

Almost. “You used an incorrect declension of turom,” the Anthron complained.

 

“It doesn’t seem to have reduced the effectiveness of the spell,” Egdod returned. The meadow between them and the two Dwinn was sprouting a crop of spears. Helmeted heads emerged next, and then the armored bodies of turai, which, in Classical T’Rain mythology, were fast-spawning autochthonous warriors analogous to the spartoi of Greek myth. The Dwinn mage was already waving her hands in the air trying to cast a spell that would throw the turai into confusion and possibly even cause them to attack one another, but there were too many of them and it was too late; the Dwinn had no choice but to retreat into the woods, pursued by the dozen or so turai who had proved resistant to the mage’s spell.

 

“Okay, let’s get this done,” Egdod said, “because this kind of thing is going to happen over and over again as long as this pile of gold is just sitting here for the taking.”

 

“Get what done, exactly?” the Anthron asked, standing there knee-deep in specie, clueless to a degree that was somewhere between funny and outrageous.

 

“Pick up the fucking money and put it in your bag,” Egdod said. “Or just shift-option-right-click on the whole pile.”

 

“Shift … option … is that some sort of computer terminology?”

 

“Just hold your horses. I’m coming over there.”

 

“I thought you were here.”

 

“In the real world, like.”

 

RICHARD TOSSED HIS laptop aside onto the mattress and swung his legs down off the edge of the Bed That Queen Anne Had Slept In. Its massive frame of pegged timbers gave out a groan almost as if Queen Anne were still in it now. He rose to his feet and gave his blood pressure a moment to equilibrate, then stalked across the room. Which took a bit of stalking. Other bits of England might be cramped, crowded, and cluttered, but only because all the available space had been claimed by this guest suite. It was situated right in Trinity College, and Richard guessed it had been laid out eight hundred years ago so that noble guests could ride their horses directly into the bedchamber and bring all of their squires and wolfhounds with them too. D-squared was standing with his back to Richard about three hundred feet away. The place lacked television and central heating, but it did have a massive stand surmounted by a four-inch-thick Bible signed by the Duke of Wellington. D-squared had set up a laptop of his own atop the Good Book and was hunched over it, peering and pecking.

 

During the short drive in from the FBO at Cranfield, Richard had ordered the driver of his black taxi to swerve to a halt in front of the first computer store. The sales clerk, eager to be of service and to make sure that Richard ended up with a machine he’d be happy with, had been solicitous to a fault until Richard had finally got it through the man’s head that he had way more money than time and could they please get on with it. Five minutes later, Richard had strode out the door of the place and climbed back into the taxi carrying the new laptop (he had left its empty box sitting on the store’s counter and a trail of plastic packaging material all the way to the exit) and a boxed set of DVD-ROMs containing the Legendary Deluxe Platinum Collector’s Edition T’Rain software with Bonus Materials. The computer had finished crawling through its interminable boot-up as they were skirting Bedford, and he had jammed in the installation disc somewhere around St. Neots. The bemused cabbie had dropped him off at the Porter’s Lodge of Trinity when the installation progress bar was creeping along around the 21 percent mark and so Richard had just carried the machine in on his hip and kept it perched there, whirring and clicking and trying to force thunderous T’Rain sound track music through its tinny little speakers, as the bowler-hatted staff had dryly greeted him and escorted him to his cavernous lodgings. It was ten in the morning or something. Richard had found his way to the suite’s toilet, which was located somewhere in Oxfordshire, and showered and shaved, then fed another disc into the computer, napped for a couple of hours, enjoyed a liquid lunch with D-squared, and then brought him back here to teach him the rudiments of T’Rain.

 

“Like this,” he said, reaching in over the Don’s arms in a manner that all but forced the poor man to jump out of the way, and seizing control of the keyboard. Then Richard did the thing that always pissed him off when Corvallis did it to him, which was that he manipulated the keys so fast that it was impossible for any normal person to understand what he had just accomplished. But D-squared, used to having people do things for him, was unruffled. He was far more interested in what had happened to all that money.

 

“The gold!” he exclaimed. “Where did it all get to? Did those Dwinn take it?”

 

The accusation was laughable. Far more important, though, was the look on the Don’s face, which was just a bit provoked, and his tone of voice, which could only be described as avaricious.

 

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