Minister Bradley cleared his throat softly, and he and Daxton exchanged a look. Whatever was going on, this wasn’t completely Daxton’s idea. But he spoke the words anyway, and the world around me began to spin.
“Because of this, Benjamin Doe, you will henceforth work for me as an adviser, and your principles and brilliant mind will help pave the way for peace between our two warring sides. I want nothing more than to help the people of this great nation, and in order to achieve true greatness, we must forgive old wounds and allow ourselves to heal.”
My legs shook beneath me, and it was all I could do to remain standing. I didn’t know why Daxton had chosen Benjy to pardon, and right now, I didn’t care. All that mattered was that Benjy was still alive.
Daxton ended the broadcast, and as soon as the screen went dark, he clapped his hands together. “Well, that was fun, wasn’t it?”
“Indeed,” said Minister Bradley from the edge of the room, and he stepped closer to us. “You did a marvelous job, Your Grace. You showed true mercy to those who needed it most.”
“Why him?” The question came from Greyson, not me. “You could have pardoned anyone.”
“But not everyone was the beloved of the bitch who tried to kill me,” said Daxton, practically preening. “What better revenge than to keep her boyfriend alive and make him work for me for the rest of his miserable life? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to prepare for our return to D.C. I recommend you both do the same.”
With an exaggerated bow, Daxton marched out of his office with Bradley at his heels, leaving Greyson and I alone with the camera crew. I didn’t dare say anything as we headed back to the elevator, and even on our way up, I didn’t speak. It was only when we reached our room that I collapsed on the sofa and buried my face in my hands.
“I don’t know whether to be happy he’s alive or—” Or buried in grief for the others who had died. Benjy might have meant the most to me, but all of those men and women had had families and loved ones, too. It felt wrong to be happy. It felt wrong to be anything but catatonic with heartache for all the lives we had lost in this war.
“You can be happy Benjy’s alive and mourn the Blackcoat losses at the same time,” said Greyson, sitting down next to me. “This is a good thing, and not just for the obvious reason. Daxton has no idea who you really are. If he did, he would have relished the chance to kill Benjy in front of you.”
Maybe one day I would be able to use that against him. Maybe one day, as soon as he let his guard down while still believing I was Lila, who had faked her own death instead of trying to cause his, I would be able to get close enough to do it. For now, I stared at my freshly painted nails, elation and devastation swirling around me, slowly becoming one and the same. “Do you think it was all worth it?”
“The rebellion?” said Greyson, and I nodded.
“We wound up doing the opposite of what we wanted. We gave Daxton unlimited power instead of returning it to the people. And now we can’t even get close enough to him to make sure that power is in the right hands instead.”
“Fighting for what you believe in is always worth it,” he said quietly. “It only takes one voice to give others the chance to see possibilities, and that’s what Lila did. That’s what you did, too. The Blackcoats fought for basic human rights. Nothing is more worth it than that. Sometimes—” He set his hand over mine. “Sometimes the answer is no, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask the question.”
“Even when it costs countless people their lives?”
“Especially then.” He took a deep breath and released it. “The people still love Lila, and as long as Lila is alive, they will still have hope. It might be a long time, but this isn’t over. Even if we have to wait for Daxton to die of old age, we will see revolution in our lifetime.”
I leaned my head against his shoulder, and he wrapped his arm around me. I still didn’t know which way was up, or how I should feel in the midst of all that had happened, but I did know he was there for me the same way I wouldalways be there for him. And that was worth more than words could say. “What are we supposed to do until then?” I said.
“The same thing we’ve always done.” He rested his head against mine. “Keep hoping.”
XI
Ashes