“One of the level seven soldiers from this training will become an angel to fill the void left by Colonel Battleborn’s death,” Damiel said lightly, as though we were discussing tea parties and cupcakes, not angels and death.
The Crystal Falls Training was supposed to be one of the hardest the Legion had, and it would be even tougher for me. I was a new level six, and I’d be training alongside hardened soldiers who’d been at level seven for years—soldiers who would do anything to become an angel. If they wanted to succeed and gain their wings, they couldn’t afford to lose to anyone, especially us level sixes.
“Nerissa told me tales I wish I could forget, stories about soldiers poisoning and sabotaging the competition.” I looked at Nero for confirmation that it wasn’t true.
“Don’t eat anything another candidate offers you,” he said.
“And always sleep with a knife under your pillow,” added Harker.
Laughter burst from my lips. “You two aren’t any help at all.”
Damiel stretched out his arms, yawning loudly. “Well, children, I’d best be going. The First Angel’s prisoners won’t torture themselves, you know.”
The completely casual way that he said it made me hope he was joking, but I wasn’t counting on it.
Damiel transformed from the brunette model into the sunset-haired angel Leila Starborn. Then he jumped over the handrail and flew off across the city on gorgeous white and gold wings.
After he was gone, Bella turned to me and said, “I have to get back to the university now.”
Harker stepped forward. “I’ll walk you out.”
Their light chatter trailed them as they left our apartment and entered the stairwell. The last thing I heard was Bella diplomatically rejecting his latest attempt to ask her out. Something about that made me laugh. After everything we’d all just lived through, I guess it just felt good to see a sign that some things were back to normal.
We stepped back inside, Nero watching me every step of the way, just as he’d been doing since our return from hell. As promised, he’d never let me out of his sight. He’d never been further away than the next room, close enough to storm in and grab me if a portal to hell spontaneously opened up under my feet. Gods, I loved him.
“You know you can’t come to the Crystal Falls Training with me,” I told him.
“Says who?”
“I’d imagine says Colonel Dragonblood, the angel in charge of the training.”
“I outrank him.”
“So?”
His voice dipped lower. “So he can’t tell me what to do.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“It is as simple as this: if Colonel Dragonblood has a problem with my presence, he can take it up with me.”
“But the rules—”
“Since when have you cared about the rules, Pandora?”
Fair point.
“I love you,” he declared solemnly. “And I’m not ever letting you go.”
His hand curled around my neck, drawing me in closer. He swooped his mouth over mine, capturing my breath. Hard and hungry, his tongue thrust between my lips, ravaging the inside, drowning me in his magic. He was pouring all of his emotions—all of himself—into that kiss. I’d never experienced anything like it before.
“I should have been there for you.” His lips brushed against mine. “I should have kept the deserter from taking you.”
“It’s not your fault. I ran into that.”
His hold on me tightened, like he was afraid to let me go. “I could have saved you from that suffering.”
I’d told him and the others about how Soulslayer had tortured me in the arena and hurt my sisters, but I’d stopped there. I hadn’t told them what I was. I hadn’t told them how I’d killed the dark angel by crushing his mind. And I hadn’t told them the worst of it all: that a part of me had fed off of that rush of power. That part scared me most of all.
But I had to share it all with someone. The weight of this secret was crushing me.
“We have to talk about what happened in hell,” I said.
He waited for me to continue.
“I told you what happened with the dark angel, how he tortured me and my sisters,” I kept talking, not pausing to breathe. I had to get this all out before I lost my nerve. “Soulslayer tortured us at the bidding of Sonja, the Demon of the Dark Force.”
Nero’s face was hard. Something cracked loudly, and I jumped in surprise. I looked down. One of our barstools had shattered in his hand.
“But I didn’t tell you everything Sonja did to me.”
Nero took my face in his hands, his touch so gentle. It was hard to believe that these were the same hands that had just pulverized our barstool.
He dipped his forehead to mine. “You don’t have to tell me anything.”
But I had to tell him. I couldn’t keep this secret to myself. It was eating away at me.
“She injected me with Venom. Twice. She was bringing my dark magic up to the same level as my light magic. If you hadn’t come when you did, she was going to inject me with a dual dose of Nectar and Venom.”
His touch was soft, but I could hear the angry beat of his pounding pulse.
“She would have kept going until she made me an angel with both light and dark magic.”
Which was blasphemy according to both the gods and demons.
“I am not surprised,” Nero said. “She obviously found out about your ability to absorb Nectar and Venom, and she wanted to use it for herself—to figure out how you work and how she could exploit that special power.”
“See, the thing is, Nero, she didn’t need to figure out anything,” I told him. “She already knew how I can use both light and dark magic. She told me where I came from, and then I saw for myself firsthand. I am a monster.”
“Leda—”
“I killed the dark angel.” My heart hammered in my chest. The icy fingers of fear gripped me, bringing me back to that dungeon—and everything that had happened there. “I didn’t just break Soulslayer’s mind, I destroyed it, shattering in into a million pieces. I got so caught up in my own magic, so blind with power lust, that I broke his neck without even realizing it.”
“He tortured you,” Nero said.
But I wasn’t looking for excuses to assuage my guilt. “A part of me enjoyed breaking him.” Tears poured down my cheeks. “Did you hear me, Nero? I’m sick, just as sick as the dark angel who relished in torturing me and my sisters. I am a monster.”
“No.”
“Do you know what I was feeling as I crushed Soulslayer’s mind? It wasn’t guilt, or even something as innocent as relief that his reign of terror was over. It was excitement. I was so enamored of my grand and mighty magic, which had brought a dark angel to his knees, that I started to wonder what else I could do. How high could I go? I fantasized about taking on the gods and demons. Once I crushed their minds, I would rule supreme over all the realms. From their ashes, I would build my empire.”
“You were lost in the moment,” Nero said. “It happens to everyone, especially to those who’ve gained so much magic so fast.”
“I can’t control it, Nero.” I wiped my tears away. If only I could wipe away the stain on my soul. “And it’s getting worse. One day, I really will lose my mind, and then the monster within will take over, a cruel fiend who destroys everything that stands in my way.”
“That’s not you.”
“It is me. That’s what I’m telling you, Nero. When the monster takes over, I want to challenge the gods. I want to destroy every single one of them to make way for my reign and embrace my so-called immortal destiny. You have to put me down,” I sobbed. “It’s what the Legion does to monsters and threats to humanity and heaven. I am all of the above.”
“No,” he said, his voice harsh and angry. He caught me by the shoulders. “Look at me, Leda.”
I swallowed back my sobs and met his eyes
“I’m not going to kill you. No one is going to kill you.”
“Soulslayer—”
“Had it coming,” he growled. “After what he did to you and your sisters, he didn’t deserve to die quietly. If you hadn’t killed him, I would have. I guarantee it would have hurt him a hell of a lot more than what you did—and that I would have enjoyed it a hell of a lot more than you did.”