After thinking about it for a moment, he shrugged again. “Me neither.”
Both Mom and Dad laughed, and then it was Dad’s turn to study him. Dad’s keen, gold gaze seemed to see everything, and Liam squirmed in his seat. But all Dad said was, “Maybe you’ll be hungry later, or in the morning.”
“Sure, maybe,” he mumbled, fiddling with his napkin.
“Why don’t you go upstairs and take your bath?” Mom suggested. “I’ll be up soon to tuck you into bed.”
Liam looked outside. It was still plenty light outside, but Mom had already talked to him about how he would have to go to bed earlier on school nights. At the time, he hadn’t minded, but now it kind of sucked.
“Do I have to?” he asked. “It’s so early, and I’m not tired.”
“Yes, you have to.” She smiled at him. Mom’s smiles were the most beautiful thing in the world, and they almost always made things better. They almost even made an early bedtime okay, but not quite.
He thought about arguing, but he could tell by the calm look on their faces that Mom and Dad were going to team up on this one.
He heaved an aggrieved sigh. “Okay, fine.”
As he slid out of his seat and stood, Dad swept a large arm around him and pulled him in for a hug. Liam leaned against him. Dad was so big and strong that when Liam leaned on him, it was hard to be afraid.
The problem was, he couldn’t lean on Dad forever. He had to go to school by himself.
As he straightened, Dad kissed him on the forehead. Mom said, “See you in a few minutes.”
Upstairs, he gave his bath toys some consideration, but he didn’t feel like playing anymore, so he took a shower instead. After drying his hair and putting on some underpants, he went to his closet and pulled out a pair of tan khaki shorts and a yellow and blue plaid shirt. The shirt had a collar, and it buttoned down the front. The yellow and blue colors reminded him of the sky.
It was his favorite outfit. He slipped on the khakis and shrugged into the shirt. He was just beginning to button it when Mom walked into his room.
Her eyebrows went up. “What are you doing?”
“I’m getting dressed for school,” he told her.
The beginnings of a confused smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. “Sweetie, you do realize you don’t go to school until the morning.”
He gave her a serious look. “I know that.”
“So why are you putting on your school clothes?”
He toed the carpet with one bare foot. “I don’t want to be late. I thought it might be better if I got dressed now.”
Her smile faded, and she gave him a completely serious look back. Then she went to sit in the rocking chair where she would rock him when he was a baby. Since he had gotten so big, they had taken out the crib and put in a real bed, but they had kept the rocking chair.
Actually, he might still like it when Mom rocked him in the chair. Sometimes. As long as she didn’t tell anyone, and she had promised she wouldn’t.
Mom had to move Bunny out of the way. Leaning forward, she rested her elbows on her knees as she held the stuffed toy in both hands.
“Tomorrow’s a pretty big deal,” she said. “I understand if you need to wear your school clothes tonight, just to be sure. But what if I cross-my-heart promise that you will have plenty of time to get dressed in the morning, and eat a good breakfast too, and you will still be on time for school? Does that help?”
Lifting one shoulder, he admitted, “It might.”
“You can still sleep in your school clothes if you want, but if you do, they’ll wrinkle, and you might not want to wear them in the morning.”
He frowned. He wanted to wear this outfit tomorrow, not something else. “Okay, I’ll put on my pjs.”
“I think that’s a smart choice. You’ll be a lot more comfortable.” As he changed into his Superman pajamas, she petted Bunny between its floppy ears. “Can you tell me why you’re so nervous about school?”
He gave it some thought.
He couldn’t ask her if he was bad, because what if he was? And what if other people could tell that he was?
What if Mom didn’t know he was bad until he asked her, but then she found out? The hot, tight feeling came back. He had never thought of loss before Dad got hurt, but now he had. And he couldn’t lose his mom. He just couldn’t.
When she spoke again, her voice was quieter, gentler. “Liam, are you okay?”
Ducking his head, he mumbled, “I dunno.”
“Would you like to rock with me for a few minutes?”
He nodded. She sat back in the rocking chair, and as he climbed in her lap, she wrapped her arms around him. He put his head on her shoulder, and she rocked him. After a while, she handed Bunny to him, and he smiled as he looked down at the toy. He was much too big for it now, but he still liked having it around.
“Look at those legs of yours,” she said. “Look at those big feet.”