“Well, yeah… someday.”
Her chin quivered. “That’s what I thought.” She pulled her hand out of his and stepped back, putting a mile of distance in the three feet of space between them. “There’s no point in us dating, then.”
“What? Gem, you’re talking crazy.”
“Oh, come on. Are you telling me you want to see where this goes, if it can get serious? Are you really thinking marriage? Kids? Because, Kynan, you know what I am. Have you considered the fact that if we had kids, they’d be a quarter demon? And not just demon. Soulshredder.”
Kynan’s mouth opened, but nothing came out. He hadn’t thought this far ahead, had been taking things day by day for so long.
“See? You can’t even try to reassure me.” Her voice was soft, resigned, not angry like he thought she had every right to be.
“It’s not that. It’s just… can’t we cross that bridge when we come to it?”
“No, we can’t. God, Kynan, I feel so strongly about you now. I can’t stand the thought that two years down the road, when I’m even more attached, you’d leave me because you want kids. And don’t say the kid thing wouldn’t be a big deal for you.”
“Gem. Listen to me. You know my stance on demons has changed. Some of my best friends are demons. And Tayla and you… the half-demon thing doesn’t bother me.”
“It doesn’t bother you now. But later?” She studied her shoes again. “Even if you decided you could live without kids in order to be with me, you’d grow to resent me.”
“Thanks for the faith,” he snapped. “While you were tagging me with unfair accusations, did you once sit back and think that maybe I should decide how opposed I am to having kids with demon blood running through them?”
She glared at him. “I’m just trying to save us both a lot of pain.”
“Bullshit. You’re punishing me for all those months you wanted me but I didn’t give you the time of day because you were a demon. I’m over that, Gem. I don’t care. Why don’t you get that?”
Her bitter laughter bounced off the walls in the narrow hallway, echoing darkly. “You’re the one who doesn’t get it. Want proof?” She put her palm on his chest. “I see your scars. It’s what I am. Soulshredder, remember? I can see all your past damage, and I know instantly what it’s about. And you know what? There’s this huge gash running right here, over your heart. It’s about Lori. And kids. And how you wanted them but she kept putting you off, and at some point before she betrayed you, you actually suspected, just for a minute, that maybe she was going to put you off forever. And then you’d be facing the hardest decision of your life. Keep her and not have kids, or leave her to find someone you could knock up. How close am I, Kynan? Because I gotta tell you, my demon half is really wanting to poke that wound and make it hurt.”
He felt the blood drain from his face, because he got it. He finally got it. She hid her inner demon well, but he needed to face the truth. Deep inside, she was a monster, a species of demon even other demons feared. He’d believed that just because he couldn’t see it, it didn’t matter. Didn’t exist.
But it did. He’d seen her shift into her hybrid form at the hospital, but it had all happened so quickly he’d barely paid attention. But that wasn’t true, was it? He’d shoved the image into the back of his mind, locked it up tight with all the other horrific memories he had. That was the only way a soldier or a medic could operate. If they dwelled on the things they’d seen, they’d end up eating the business end of a pistol.
He could keep that image stowed away, but was that fair to her? To him?
“So you’re finally getting it,” she rasped. Her eyes had begun to glow, little red sparks lighting the green depths. “As long as you don’t see the demon, you can deal. I’m good enough to fuck, but not good enough to marry or bear your children.”
“Stop it!” he barked. “Stop telling me what I think. What I feel. You have no idea.”
“Am I wrong?”
He no longer knew. His thoughts were so jumbled up with his emotions right now that he couldn’t think straight.
“That’s what I thought,” she said when he didn’t answer. The red melted from her eyes, and she sighed. “Look, let’s not make this harder than it is. Let’s end it while we still can. While we can be friends.”
God, his chest hurt. This couldn’t be happening. Just hours ago, they were happy. And now… now it was all ruined.
“It doesn’t have to be like this, Gem.”