“Nope.”
His overly laid-back tone gave him away—he was lying, but Serena didn’t push. “Well, no issues here, either. My mom couldn’t conceive naturally, so Pops was a sperm donor—literally.” She pushed the glass of whiskey back at him, because it was obvious that now he needed it more than she did. “I miss my mom, though. What about you? Do you have any family?”
“Two brothers. Both older. Three baby nephews.”
“Three? Wow. I’ll bet they’re adorable.”
He downed the liquor. “I wouldn’t know.”
“Do they live far away?”
“Not really.”
“So… do you want children of your own?” When he peered into his empty glass and didn’t answer, she murmured, “I’m sorry. That’s too personal.”
“S’okay.” The train had slowed to a crawl, and he looked out the window at a shepherd with a herd of goats. “I’m not capable of raising a kid.”
“Of course you are. Kids don’t come with instructions—everyone learns as they go.”
“Trust me, I have no business being in a child’s life.”
His earlier comment came back to her. “Does this have something to do with your father?”
“Didn’t have one.”
“What about your mother?”
His bitter laughter rang out. “She wasn’t exactly a shining example of parenthood.”
Serena took his hand in hers. “A lot of mothers aren’t what they should be.”
He pulled his hand away as though he suddenly couldn’t bear to be touched. “Do a lot of mothers keep their children in cages and torture them?”
Serena stopped breathing. “Tell me that cage is metaphorical.”
“It was a cage in the basement.” His voice dropped to a low, tense growl. “And if you can conceive of the torture, she did it. Fun was had by all.”
Serena had no idea what to say. Didn’t want to imagine it or believe that things like that truly happened. Her life had been blessed… with the exception of her mother’s death.
“That’s… horrible,” she finally managed.
“Fuck.” Josh scrubbed a hand over his face. “Let’s just trash all that, ’kay?”
Except there was no putting that particular cat back in the bag. How could a mother do that to a child, and how could a child come out of an experience like that and still be whole?
“What about your brothers?”
“Why?”
She blinked. “Why what?”
“Why do you want to know about them? About me?”
“Because I like you.”
Surprise and another emotion she couldn’t name flitted across his face before he closed his eyes, as though he couldn’t decide if he wanted her to like him or not. “Different mothers,” he said, his voice so gravelly she barely understood. “We had different mothers.”
“And where the hell was your father?”
A young couple walked past the table, and he waited for them to take seats on the far side of the car before saying, very quietly, “He’s the one who drove her to it. But her cla—ah, family, hunted him down and killed him a few months after I was born.”
She’d never been speechless before. Ever.
“Look,” he said. “I don’t usually—” He clutched his belly. “I… oh, damn.”
“Josh? What’s wrong?”
“Must be… something I ate.” He lurched to his feet, and she came to hers. “Need to get to my room.”
“Let me help you.”
“No,” he moaned. “I can do it.”
“You can barely stand. Now shut up and let me help.”
One corner of his mouth tipped up in the tiniest of smiles before he sucked in a pained breath and nearly fell over. “Shutting up, ma’am.”
“That must be a first for you.”
“Funny,” he gasped.
The rocking of the train didn’t help his balance as she guided him to the sleeping car. She nearly buckled under his weight a couple of times, and he would mutter, “Sorry,” and try to stand upright, which would send him careening into a wall.
“You’re not looking good, Josh. Maybe there’s a doctor on board.”
“No.” His voice was practically a shout, and when she flinched in surprise, he lowered his voice. “No. This has… happened before.”
She wanted to argue, but he seemed adamant, and besides, they’d arrived at his room. His hand was shaking so badly he couldn’t get his fingers into the handle slot in the door. When he cursed softly and gave up, just resting his head against the door, her heart nearly broke. He was powerful enough to break the thing down, but opening it normally was beyond his ability.
Wordlessly, she opened the door and helped him inside the tiny compartment.
The seats had been made into a bed already, and he collapsed onto it with a thud. A shudder wracked his body, followed by violent shivers. “C-cold.”
She palmed his forehead, which was on fire. How had he gone from merely warm to inferno in a matter of seconds? Something was seriously wrong. Quickly, she grabbed a blanket from the top bunk and covered him.