INTERVIEW BETWEEN MAJOR KATHERINE LEBEDEV, RUSSIAN MAIN INTELLIGENCE AGENCY (GRU), AND DR. ROSE FRANKLIN, PH.D.
Location: GRU building, Saint Petersburg, Russia
—Good morning, Dr. Franklin. I trust you had a good night’s sleep. I’m sure you did. We have really good drugs … Don’t tell anyone, but I take some from time to time when I need the rest. I never thought I’d get to do this, but on behalf of the Russian Federation, and the entire planet, I suppose, welcome back! And welcome to Russia!
—We’re in Russia?
—Yeah! You are! Sit down, Dr. Franklin. You’re making me nervous.
—I’m sorry. I am a bit nervous. I don’t know what I’m doing here.
—Oh, you have every right to be nervous, Dr. Franklin. I said you were making me nervous. I’m supposed to look superconfident. That’s hard to do if I’m fidgeting in my seat. But this is so exciting! Please sit!
—I don’t suppose you’ll tell me who you are, or where I am.
—Who I am? Doesn’t it say on … Where is it? There’s a little plaque with my name on it … Oh, here it is. I’m Katherine Lebedev.
—You don’t sound Russian.
—I hope not. I spent most of my life in New Hampshire. I went to Brown. Law school.
—You were a spy.
—I wa … No! I was a kid. I was born there. I played with dolls. My parents were spies. I didn’t find out about any of it until it was time to leave. I moved back here eleven years ago, and here we are! I was saying something. Oh yes. I’m Katherine Lebedev. I’m a major in the GRU.
— …
—You don’t know what that is, do you? The Main Intelligence Agency of the General Staff of the Armed Forces of the Russian Federation. Mouthful, I know.
—It sounds like the KGB.
—The KGB—it’s called the SVR nowadays, by the way—is for kids. Don’t tell them I said that. We’re ten times bigger than the SVR. OK, maybe not ten times, but we’re it. This is where the fun is. We have six times the numbers of agents, spy satellites, James Bond stuff. What else did you wanna know? Oh yes, you’re in—we’re in Saint Petersburg. Government office. Big grey building.
—Are you the head of this … GRU?
—Me? I wish. No, I’m a lowly major. I run a small—tiny, really—division focused on alien tech. We don’t have any, so, like I said, it’s small. Which is why you’ll understand how happy I was, how happy we all were, when you landed in Estonia. Only a few hours away, really. What are the odds?
—Estonia? You said we were in Russia?
—Right! You don’t know! I’m sorry. Where are my manners? You have a lot of catching up to do. What do you wanna know? Ask away.
—How long were we gone?
—Nine years, three months, six days—ninety-seven days—nine years and ninety-seven days. I’m sorry, I don’t know the scientific way …
—Nine years? We thought it was less than that.
—Oh! Our scientists talked about that. Something about time dilation when traveling at near-light speed. I don’t understand any of it, but they said you might come back a thousand years old. No, that can’t be. A thousand years would have passed here. Can you tell I’m not a scientist? So how long did you think you were gone for? A few seconds?
—Eight years, seven months, maybe eight.
—Oh … Wait? You don’t know exactly?
—We … Do you know where we were?
—I’m waiting for you to tell me, but everyone assumed you went to the planet where those robots are from.
—Right. It’s called …
—What? It’s called what? Oh, you don’t know if you should tell me … It’s really up to you. No, it’s not really up to you, but you know what I mean. It’s not like we’ll torture you on your first day. I’m kidding! GRU humor … I know. How about this? Do you think telling me the name of the place will forever upset the balance of power? Besides, you worked for the United Nations when you left. We’re in there. It’s your world!
—What?
—It’s your world. The motto of the United Nations.
—I didn’t know it had a motto.
—Awful, isn’t it? So, what do you say? Please! I’m dying here.
—It’s called Esat Ekt. It means Home of the Ekt. That’s what they call themselves. We couldn’t keep Earth time, but they … They use a unit of time that’s somewhere around a minute, so …
—You didn’t have a watch? Or a phone?
—We did before the batteries ran out. So like I said, we counted our heartbeats during that unit of time—Vincent and I know our normal heart rate—and we did the math. Obviously, we were a bit off. It’s possible the air was different. More oxygen, maybe.
—Oh, like when you’re on a mountain.
—Well, that would be the opposite. But yes, that’s the idea.
—Sorry. Law school, remember? Oh, before I forget. When you left, General Govender was with you. Now he’s not, unless he somehow got transformed into an alien teenager. What happened to him?
—He died.
—I’m sorry … How? Did they kill him?
—He died of natural causes.
—So sad … SO, the people on that planet are called the Ekt. That’s what he is, your friend that came with you? He’s an … Ekt?
—I thought you wanted to answer my questions.
—I did it again, didn’t I? I’m so sorry. I get too excited. I am! I am so thrilled! But I do that. I steal the conversation, and I don’t even notice it until I’ve offended someone. Please forgive me? I swear—No, I won’t, because then I’ll do it again five minutes from now, and I’ll feel even worse. Stop talking Katherine. PLEASE! Dr. Franklin. What do you wanna know?
—I’m sorry, Ms. Lebedev, I—
—Did you just call me Ms. Lebedev? It’s the office, it does that. I don’t even know what it’s called. Victorian gothic? Ms. Lebedev is my mom. I’m Katherine. Call me Katherine.
—OK. Katherine. I don’t know if it’s the traveling or if the drugs you gave me are still working, but I’m exhausted. Would it be possible to continue this conversation tomorrow?
—Of course! You traveled, I don’t know, millions of miles, and here I am asking you all these questions. You get some rest. We’ll talk when you feel you’re ready.
—Thank you.
—Don’t even mention it. I want you to know that we’re doing everything we can to help your friend, even if you’re being less than forthcoming with us, being exhausted and all.
—My friend?
—Yes, your friend. The young Ekt—I love saying that—who came with you. He’s a bit sick, I’m afraid. Don’t worry, though, you need to rest. I’m sure he’ll be fine. He’s got the best doctors with him.
—What did you do to him?
—What did I—? What makes you think I would hurt him?
—There was a scientist working for you before we left, she …
—You mean Dr. Papantoniou. What about her?
—She had no problem submitting people to very invasive procedures to get what she wanted.
—That was before my time. I did hear some pretty nasty things about her, though, but she works for the Americans, now.
—Alyssa does? What does she do?
—Oh, we can talk about that tomorrow. You need rest, remember?
—Please.
—She finds pilots for them. Some kind of blood test.
—Pilots for what?
—For their robot. Giant one, like Themis. I told you you had a lot of catching up to do.
—What robot? Where did they find it?
—Well, you gave it to them.
—Me?
—Yeah, you. Nine years ago, you disabled one of them in New York. It fell to the ground in pieces, remember? How long do you think it took for the US military to grab it?
—But it didn’t work.
—Well, it does now!
—How do they even pilot it? Do they have someone with legs like Vincent?
—I have no idea. But that geneticist finds pilots for them. I hope you don’t think I’m anything like her! I seriously hope you don’t, because … woooo … crazy. I mean, sure! I like to get what I want— I usually do get it—but I don’t want anything bad to happen to your friend. I really don’t.
—What do you want?
—From him? I want him to get better. I really want him to pilot that big robot for us, but he can’t do that if he’s sick, now, can he? So I want him to get better. He seems nice. A nice Ekt.