“—I’ll have you whipped!”
“I live in mortal terror of your wrath,” Ione said, her face unreadable. “Far be it from me to keep you from learning the truth. You’re more beautiful than your sister or any woman alive because you’re not the daughter of a mere mortal like Lord Tyndareus. You must be the child of a god, of Zeus himself, master of the thunderbolt. There, is that good enough for you?”
“You are still making fun of me!” I shouted. “I will have you punished for that!”
“By all means, try, O Queen,” she said, with a wry smile. “But first I’m going to show you a great marvel, in honor of your true father.” Without warning she grabbed me by the belt of my tunic, sat down on my bed, hauled me across her knees, and declared: “I’m going to make it rain.”
2
A GIRL’S PLACE
She spanked me! It didn’t hurt all that much, but the humiliation was horrible. Ione loved me, cared for me, looked after me when Mother was busy, and yet she’d done that to me? I loved her with all my heart, but after she finished my punishment and left me alone with my thoughts, those thoughts were murderous. How dare she? I cried out my indignation facedown on my bed.
“Helen? Are you all right?” My brother Polydeuces stuck his head around one side of the doorway and peered into my room. “Some of the slaves heard you howling, so they raised an alarm. By the time things quieted down again, Ione was explaining to Mother why she spanked you.”
“What did Mama do to her when she found out?” I asked eagerly. I was still smarting with embarrassment, and I wanted Ione to suffer for it too, just a little.
“Nothing,” Polydeuces replied. “Mother was surprised when Ione told her she’d never spanked you before, that’s all.”
I groaned and buried my face in my arms. I felt the bed sag as my brother sat down beside me and patted me on the back in sympathy.
“Don’t cry, Helen,” he said. “It’s happened to all of us. Well, not to Clytemnestra. She’s perfect.” I looked up in time to see his lips curl. “Perfect at not getting caught.”
“I’m not crying,” I said. “I’m mad. She spanked me for no reason. I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“That happens a lot,” Polydeuces said. Was that a snicker? “So, what set her off?”
“Nothing,” I maintained. And I told him exactly what had happened between Ione and me so he’d understand the vastness of the injustice I’d suffered.
When I was done, he was silent. Then he let out a long, slow whistle and said, “You threatened her with a whipping? Little sister, when Ione comes back, you’d better get down on your knees and thank her for not telling Mother about that.”
“Why should I thank her for anything?” I grumped.
“Because if Mother ever hears that you showed Ione that much disrespect, she’ll spank you herself.”
“Oh.” I propped myself up on my elbows and leaned my chin on my hands. Now that the first shock of my punishment had faded, I realized what a little monster I’d been to my devoted nurse. What was the point of being beautiful if my actions were ugly and mean?
I looked earnestly at my brother. “Am I pretty, Polydeuces?”
“Huh? Where did that come from?” he asked, taken by surprise.
“Lots of people say I am, even Mama. Clytemnestra says I get treated better because of it, but it didn’t seem to make any difference to Ione. She spanked me anyway, and she’s slapped me, and—”
“Ione changed your dirty diapers. How pretty were you then?” Polydeuces grinned. “She loves you, Helen, and she doesn’t want you to grow up vain and spoiled, believing you can do or say whatever you like just because you’re pretty. Even if you were as beautiful as Aphrodite, you still wouldn’t get everything your own way.”
“I don’t want to get everything my own way,” I told him. “I just want—I want—”
What did I want? I’d never thought about it before. I knew that I hadn’t wanted to worship Artemis, but Mother made me go to the temple anyway. I’d told her that I wouldn’t want a husband, not ever, but she’d acted like I couldn’t decide such things for myself.
Polydeuces was gazing at me, waiting for me to finish my sentence. If I said, I just want to be free, would he know what I really meant? Or would he say, You’re already free, silly. You’re not a slave, right?
I wasn’t a slave, but as much as I hated carding and spinning and weaving wool, Ione and Mother forced me to spend day after day learning how to do it. What they said was: “This is what all women do, even queens,” but what I heard was: This is all that women can do, and even queens have no choice about it. Was that being free?
Clytemnestra wasn’t a slave, but when she was old enough she’d be married off and sent away to live with her husband. Would she get to choose him, or would she simply be told, This is the man you’re going to marry, the same way that Ione told us, This is the dress you’re going to wear today? Was that being free?
I sat up. I knew what I wanted. “I just want to say yes or no about my own life,” I said. “Always.”