STEVEN Graham turned out to be a spare man in his forties. He looked like a bicycle enthusiast, his body toned, his frame narrow, and his movements economical, as he stood behind a counter, the wall behind him lined with sample box sizes and price stickers. The lone courier remaining in the office, on other hand, looked more like a doorman in some nightclub. Big, broad shoulders, chest slabbed with muscle. He gave Jim an I’m-a-bigger-man stare. Jim looked at him for a moment. The courier crossed his arms on his chest. Ha-ha.
When we were young, we could hide behind tables and chairs when threatened. But once we reached five, that behavior wasn’t acceptable anymore, so we folded our arms on our chest, forming a barrier and protecting vital organs. Judging by the courier’s clenched teeth and fists, he was building one hell of a barrier between himself and Jim. That’s right. My Jim is scary. It won’t help you, anyway.
“Shipping or notice?” Steven Graham asked.
“Neither,” I said, while the courier and Jim looked at each other. The place smelled like packing supplies: cardboard and glue. Plastic tape had become too expensive a while ago and now the boxes were sealed with homemade paper tape dipped in glue made by blending cornstarch with boiling water. That’s exactly what I smelled, and tons of it.
“I’m a relative of Ida Indrayani, who owns the salon in this building. She was magically attacked, and we’re looking into who might be responsible.”
Steve took a step back. “Is she okay?”
“She’s fine for now,” Jim said.
“What the hell is this world coming to?” Steve shook his head. “Was it a sexual assault?”
What? “No,” I said. “It was a magical assault.”
“I keep telling my daughter, you have got to carry Mace. There are perverts and murderers in this world, but what are you going to do? You can’t send children to school in a tank. What happened to basic human kindness? You know, the good things.” Steve waved at the courier. “You can stop scowling, Robbie. Excuse him. We got robbed a year ago. He’s my security. He’s here to look scary.”
“And if things get serious?” Jim asked.
Robbie flexed his chest at him. Oh you silly, silly man.
“Stop that.” Steve waved at him.
“We’re were wondering if you received any offers to sell this property,” I said.
“As a matter of fact, I have. Some lunatic offered me a lot of money for it.” Steve shrugged. “I would’ve taken it, too. My kid wants to go to TCU. Forty grand per year. For-ty. I wrote them back, but I never got a reply. I think it was a bogus offer. The amount of money was outrageous for these premises.”
“If you received a notice, you may be a target as well,” Jim said.
“Well, that’s just great. Fantastic.” Steve shook his head. “Because it’s not enough my people get assaulted on the street, now this, too. One of my guys was riding by a fence last month and it sprouted teeth and tried to eat him. Ruined his back wheel.”
“Do you have any idea who might be wanting this building or why?”
Steve shrugged. “Who knows? Sicko idiots are everywhere. This is what happens when people stop living right. You know, you’ve got to be eating clean. You’ve got to take care of your body. It’s about your carbon and magical footprint. I’ve been here eight years. I’m the oldest business in the building and I’ve got to tell you, it’s nothing special.”
“Thank you for your time.”
“Sure, sure.” Steve pulled a card from the holder and offered it to us. “Think of us if you need to ship something.”
We went outside. “Sexual assault?” I raised my eyebrows.
“He has a daughter. He’s probably constantly worried she’ll get assaulted,” Jim said.
We strolled down to Eleventh Planet.
“You’ve made a weird face,” Jim said.
“I was picturing that guy inside the shop on a bicycle. I can’t do it. But I can picture him with a club in his hand just fine.”
“Imagine that,” Jim said.
“Speaking of weird faces, you smiled in the chiropractor’s office!”
Jim shook his head. “I don’t remember that.”
“I saw it! I was there. It happened, Jim.”
His eyebrows furrowed. His face turned so grim, that if he attempted to smile, it would probably crack and shatter into pieces. “You must be mistaken.”
“Jim!”
He smiled at me. It was a brilliant, dazzling smile. It almost knocked me off my feet. Usually when Jim showed his teeth to people, he did it because he was about to kill them.