Night School

‘I don’t understand. What happened?’


Allie’s voice was calmer now and steady. ‘See, Christopher and I, we were super-close. He was like my best friend my whole life. Other kids fought, but we never did. We hung out together all the time. He’s two years older than me, but he was always completely patient with me. He just didn’t get tired of me the way some older brothers get tired of their little sisters. When I was little he used to meet me after school every day and walk me home. He’d help me with my homework, watch TV with me. My parents work a lot, but I never minded because Christopher was always there. And even when I was older, he’d check up on me. Just sort of, show up after school, like it was a coincidence or something. And he’d do his homework at the same time I was doing mine, so if I got stuck on a question he could help.

‘About six months before he disappeared, though, he started acting funny. He stayed out really late, got into trouble with Mum and Dad. He was never around, and he didn’t have much to say when he was there. I felt like I was kind of losing him. When I tried to talk to him about how he was, and was everything OK, he would walk away. Like he would literally get up and walk out of the house and not come back for hours. His grades went from great to terrible. My parents were completely freaked out, but they couldn’t do anything to help. He wouldn’t let them.’

She stopped, remembering endless arguments and slamming doors. A night bird sang an elaborate melody.

When she spoke again, her tone was emotionless. ‘He left a note. My parents wouldn’t tell me what it said, but I overheard Mum on the phone one day talking to someone about it. She had it memorised. It was the meanest thing I’ve ever heard. It said, “I’m leaving. I’m not hurt, I’m not on drugs. I just don’t want to be a part of this family any more. I don’t love you. Any of you. Don’t follow me. Don’t try to find me. I don’t need your help. You will never see me again”.’

‘Oh my God,’ Jo whispered. When Allie looked up she saw that her eyes were filled with tears, which she dashed away with the back of her hand. ‘Oh Allie.’

Allie focused on staying distant from the story she was telling, pretending, as she sometimes did, that it had all happened to somebody else. ‘So then it all fell apart. I had, I guess, a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t, like, talk. I sat in Christopher’s room for days on end. I didn’t go to school for months. They sent me to a counsellor, who I hated. My mum and dad fought with each other, and I was just this … nuisance to them that they had to deal with.

‘It was like, when he left he pulled the stopper from our lives and drained everything good out. They didn’t love me any more. And I felt nothing at all.’

She sighed shakily. ‘Feeling something became really important to me. So I drank a lot; but actually that’s kind of the opposite of feeling anything, you know?’

Jo nodded.

‘I hung out with people who hurt each other. I got into a lot of trouble. Getting arrested was really scary, so I did that a few times. I …’ she held out her left arm, exposing three neat, thin white scars between her wrist and the inside of her elbow. ‘I cut myself for a while. And that hurt, which was good. But it was also totally stupid. And it felt fake. Like, if you do it to yourself like that, it’s not real pain. So I don’t do that any more.’

She rushed through the end of her story as if she couldn’t wait to be done with it. ‘Anyway, the last time I got arrested my parents had pretty much had enough of me. So here I am. They’ve got an empty house now. And I don’t even have that.’

Spontaneously, Jo threw her arms around her and hugged her fiercely. Then she leaned back and held her shoulders looking her in the eye. ‘OK. That’s fucking awful. But you’re here now. And you’re alive. I just met you Allie, but I can already tell you’re awesome. And you might have a horrible family, but your life from now on is up to you. I want you to promise me that you’ll give this place a chance. Cimmeria straightened me out. It’s my home now, and these people are my family. It can be the same for you.’

Allie hugged her back, and fought back tears. ‘OK,’ she whispered, her voice quivering. ‘I promise.’

Jo pulled Allie against her so that her head rested on Jo’s shoulder, and they sat quietly on the bench for a moment, each lost in thought. Allie felt awkward; hungover. Tired.

‘It’s funny this place,’ she mumbled. ‘Time seems sort of compressed here. I can’t believe I’ve only been here two days. This will be my third night. But I feel like I’ve been here for weeks.’