Best friends trust you.
Don’t they?
‘There’s something going on in my life…’ Rachel had said once. ‘I’m going through something…’
But you didn’t bloody tell me, did you?
Allie gave an involuntary choking sob.
A trio of guards were approaching, and she spun around to face the wall. She didn’t want them to see her tears.
They ambled by without glancing at her.
When they were out of sight, Allie wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. She couldn’t stay here, standing like a complete loser in the hallway with tears running down her face.
She ran up the grand staircase, taking the stairs two at a time. Then up another flight to the girls’ dorm, quiet at this hour.
When she reached her room she didn’t bother to turn on the light. She felt her way across the room and scrambled up on to her desk, shoving books and papers out of her way. The desk lamp fell to the floor with a crash.
Flipping the latch up, she pushed the shutter-like window open so hard it banged against the wall, and let the fresh air wash over her damp face.
Outside, the moon was nearly full, casting everything in a wash of blue. It was a cool night.
For a second, she just sat there, letting herself weep.
She felt dangerous – a volatile cocktail of pain and anger and exhaustion frothed inside her. She wanted to break things.
She needed to breathe.
Most of all, she wanted Carter. She wanted to run across the roof to his room. Tell him everything. Have him help her piece it all together, calm her down. If he was here she’d know what to do.
But he wasn’t. She was all alone.
Still. That didn’t mean she had to sit here.
She slid to the edge of the desk and, without hesitation, swung her legs out the window, into the void. Then she climbed out onto the ledge.
She stood there for just a moment, clinging to the window frame, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the dark.
Far below, she could hear voices and laughter, floating up to her on the breeze.
The sound made her flinch. What if Katie had run out and told the others how stupid she was? That could be them, laughing at her now.
Some rational part of her knew that wasn’t logical – that Rachel would never laugh at her, but she was too upset now to think reasonably.
It hurt so much.
She began to make her way across the roof, sliding her feet along the narrow ledge too quickly to be safe. Her vision blurred with tears but she didn’t slow.
She walked recklessly, letting her feet find their way.
The first window she passed was Rachel’s. The lights were off – the room behind the windowpane, dark.
You didn’t tell me. She imagined shouting those words at her. Why didn’t you tell me? Did you really think something like that would change our friendship? Don’t you know me at all?
‘You should have trusted me,’ she whispered, touching the cool glass of Rachel’s window.
Hurriedly, she moved on, one foot and then the other, half wishing something bad would happen. Wishing she’d be hurt.
But her steps were sure; she’d done this many times.
When she reached the point where the roof dipped down, she remembered the night Sylvain pulled her up.
But she didn’t need a boy to help her. She was strong.
She didn’t need anyone.
Grabbing the sturdy lead drainpipe she pulled herself with easy grace onto the slate tiles.
She didn’t slip. Didn’t lose her balance.
She was just fine.
She climbed up the sharp peak to where one of the towering chimneys thrust up into the sky. There, finally, she stopped.
The breeze ruffled the pleats of her skirt against her bare thighs and blew strands of her hair into her eyes. She pushed her hair back, tucking it behind her ears, letting the wind cool her face.
The moon seemed bigger up here – a spotlight in the sky, shining down on her.
Sometimes to see clearly, you need a great height. From here, she could see everything. The grounds where so many tremendous things had happened. In the distance through the trees she could just see the low steeple of the chapel. The white stone peak of the summer house was easier to find – it seemed to glow.
The steep slate roof itself held many memories. This was the place where Jo had nearly fallen to her death. Where Sylvain had told her he loved her. Where Carter first told her about Cimmeria.
Jo. Carter. Sylvain. All lost to her.
Was Rachel gone now, too? Could her lack of faith really destroy a friendship Allie considered the one sure thing in her life?
She lowered herself down to the roof, her back against the sturdy bricks of the chimney, and pulled her knees up close to her chest. She forced herself to breathe. To try and think things through.
Gradually she calmed down. Her tears dried. She tried to see things from Rachel’s perspective.
But why…
‘Hello, Allie.’
The voice that interrupted her thoughts was horribly familiar.
Allie froze.