Aiden stirred next to me. I knew if I kept this up I’d wake him for sure, and I wasn’t ready to have the conversation with him.
Was I being selfish? I didn’t want to attempt the transition for many reasons; most of all, the fifty percent survival rate. But more than that, I liked being a human. It’s who I am and all I’ve ever been. I love Aiden, but I guess that means I love myself a little more.
What a painful thought.
Everything was moving too fast for me. Ever since I had learned of the supernatural world, my life had become all about them: vampires, wolves, witches, and the hunters of the Acta Sanctorum. Not a moment had passed in these last few months that hadn’t involved something supernatural and life-threatening. Somehow I had gotten caught in the middle of it all. There were the perks, like meeting Aiden, but I’d only known him for a few months. And he was asking for more than a lifetime’s worth of commitment to not just him but the pack as well. That was huge.
I couldn’t keep him on the hook, hoping I’d eventually make the change. That wouldn’t be fair to him at all. Regardless of my choice, he had a better destiny awaiting him. He was going to make the best damn leader the Olde Town pack had ever seen. If I wasn’t ready to turn, I really had to cut ties. It wasn’t just my life I would be risking. With a heavy heart, I scooted out of bed and gathered my things.
I took one last look at Aiden. He looked so peaceful sleeping there among the sheets. My heart ached, but I had to do it. A clean break. That was the only way.
Eventually we would both see it was for the best. I hoped.
***
“What the hell are you doing here?” Alyssa’s mouth hung open when she found me smoking a menthol cigarette on her doorstep. The short, red-headed vampire stood there with her fangs hanging out for all the world to see. I hated the sight of them. They unnerved me, and reminded me how different we were. She was technically a monster—not that I would ever call her that to her face—but as a vampire, she lived off the blood of the living. For all I knew she could have snacked on someone’s neck a few minutes before my arrival. I trembled slightly at the thought of it. I knew she’d never hurt me. Still, though, the idea of that was just unnerving.
“Not that I’m not happy to see you,” Alyssa continued, “but I thought you were all snuggly with your boy toy Aiden. What happened?”
“I think …” It was so hard to say the words. “I have to leave him,” I said solemnly, and stamped out my cigarette on the snowy porch.
“Oh, honey, don’t do that.” She threw her cold arms around me and squeezed tight. As usual she forgot her strength. Her cage-like grip pushed all the air from my lungs, causing me to cough and sputter for breath.
“It’s the right thing to do,” I choked out the words. “Just give me a carton of smokes and a bottle of Jack, and I’ll be okay.”
“Before you do anything rash”—she released me, pulled back, and frowned—“get in here and tell me all about it.”
And that’s why she was my best friend. No judgment, no telling me what I should do, just empathy. I could always count on Alyssa to be there as a shoulder to cry on or a confidant to tell my deepest darkest secrets to. It was something that we both held dear, and probably the reason we’d been able to keep our friendship so strong despite our differences.
I gave her my best brave smile, though deep down I wanted to fall to pieces.
What was I doing? Aiden was my perfect man. Other than the wolf issue, he’d been the best thing to happen to me. He “got” me. He loved that I was a nerd, and he even found it sexy. He understood all of my quirks and laughed at my dumb jokes. He put me up on a pedestal and treated me like I was his world. Why couldn’t I do the same? Why couldn’t he be my world?
Suddenly my will to do the right thing vanished. I wanted to steal away with Aiden in the middle of the night and leave both the vampires and the wolves behind. Then I remembered what Brady had said about a pack war and all the potential deaths.
“Life really sucks sometimes!” I blurted out.
“Death or un-death suck too … sometimes.” Alyssa led me to the parlor, where a roaring fire was crackling in the fireplace. Vampires loved their heat. The whole house was toasty, and after being out in the cold for that long drive from the preserve, I appreciated the warmth too.