Inside, she felt his erection pulse, which was when she remembered how the whole thing had started.
Damn it, she was going to suck on that.
As quickly as the thought occurred to her, it ghosted away again. She was left watching him, feeling him climax. It was so beautiful to watch the power of what he experienced transform him. Greedy for every moment, she soaked it all in.
Afterward, he rested his forehead on the pillow beside her. She realized he was breathing heavily and smiled to herself.
That was when he whispered in her ear, “I love you too, Melly. Always have, you know.”
All of her filters had been stripped away. At times, that could be a good thing.
Other times, it wasn’t. The first thing that came to mind was what fell out of her mouth. “You have a hell of a way of showing it sometimes.”
The silence that greeted that felt too charged and unpredictable. Inwardly cursing herself for shattering the moment, she turned her face away and covered her eyes with one hand.
Maybe they were going to have that talk right now, whether they were ready or not.
Fourteen
J
ulian stared down at Melly’s averted face. She was hiding her eyes, but the rest of her was available for his perusal.
She looked so much better than she had when he had first laid eyes on her in the tunnel. Her skin glowed a warm, healthy color in the soft bedroom light, and her blond, curly hair glinted with gold highlights. The tip of one of her elegant, pointed ears peeked out of a curl. The healing properties from his bites were aiding her natural Light Fae ability to heal. Her bruises were fading, and her cuts and scratches already looked like they were several days old.
She was clearly upset. He rolled away from her, onto his back, and stared up at the ceiling.
He said in a controlled, even voice, “We’re short on rest, and our emotions have been running at full throttle. Are you sure you want to have this conversation right now?”
“I don’t know.” She sounded frustrated. “Apparently the nap I took in the bathtub reenergized me. I’m sorry that fell out of my mouth, but I can’t take it back. And I’m not even sure I want to.”
“All right.”
He watched as she left the bed, walked into the bathroom and reappeared a few moments later. She wore his dark blue silk bathrobe, and she had pulled her hair back into a loose braid. Not looking at him, she went to sit in the armchair where she lifted the lid off the covered food tray and inspected the contents.
After a moment, she picked up a cup of tea and cradled it in her fingers. Her expression was shuttered and unhappy.
He closed his eyes. Then he sat at the edge of the bed, pulled on a pair of dark gray boxers and put his head in his hands.
His old anger and pain had become such a toxic habit. He could feel the emotions begin to wrap around him again, like a familiar, restricting straitjacket. They felt as heavy as ever, only this time after the lightness of the sensuality and laughter that he and Melly had just shared, the weight felt intolerable and crushed his chest.
Intolerable.
No. No more.
Living with it was like living forever in the tunnels, or finding himself trapped back in the slave pits. It was a dirty, ugly place to exist. He might not have much of a soul, but those negative emotions were strangling whatever he had left.
He wanted her laughter. He needed her tenderness. He wanted her head resting on his chest in front of a winter fire, her fingers laced through his. He needed to embrace the possibility that he really could make different choices at the beginning of a new day.
“I want to let go of the past,” he said quietly. “Can we do that? Let’s draw a line right here and agree that whatever happened before is over and done. We make a pact to forgive each other and move on.”
He could hear the stress in her breathing from across the room. “Why?”
“Because I love you more than anything we’ve done to each other,” he told her. “Because I want to believe you’re right, and that we can make different choices that redefine our lives. Because I believe in you now more than I was able to believe in you then.”
He stood and walked over to kneel in front of her. She watched him with a damp, wary gaze, her expression closed in. Carefully easing the teacup away from her, he set it aside and took her hands.
“I want to tell you some things for your sake, not mine,” he whispered. “Okay?”
Her mouth worked, then she pressed her lips together and nodded.
“You’re a genuinely good person.” His voice was gentle. “You are so much better than I am. You’re kind, and you’re funny, and you’re ingenious and loyal to the point of stupidity.”
“Hey,” she said in warning.