chapter XII
ELLIE’S PHONE SOUNDED OFF: In one mile, turn right on Route 19. Your destination will be on your right. She looked at its GPS display and said, “We’d better get ready. This train won’t stop for us.”
Michael looked at her and the phone quizzically.
“All the phones I use go through testing before I trust them,” she said. “They’re re-routed so many times they’re untraceable.”
“I’ve been trying to stay off mine. There’s probably nothing more dangerous to a wanted man than a smartphone.”
“True. Good thing, then. Cuz I’m not a man.” She smiled at him.
He would have considered it flirtatious if he didn’t know better. “You get Kim. I’ll wake Airel.”
They parted ways. Michael scrambled down from the tops of the crates to where he had left Airel, assuming Ellie would be careful waking Kim. She might prove to be like a cornered cat; a real handful. He hoped her attitude would improve with some time spent in a hot shower and a real bed. He knew that’s what he needed most, too, and he felt bad for her. For all of them, really.
He squeezed through the narrow space between the wall of the boxcar and the last row of crates, expecting to find Airel.
But she wasn’t there. Where did she go?
Then from the opposite end of the boxcar, he heard a sound that made his heart sink. A whimper. Some kind of exclamation. A thud or a slam.
As fast as he could, he made his way through the maze of crates toward the scuffle, fearing the worst. He could hear words, though they were hard to make out.
Give it? Was that it? Or was it “give it up?” He couldn’t tell. He did hear someone say, “No,” but he wasn’t sure who. Great, I get to referee three cranky ladies. As if I didn’t have my own problems. He felt the anger rising and he didn’t stop it.
He closed the distance, balling up his fists as he walked, turning his shoulders to the side as he slid through a narrow gap. In the back of his mind it occurred to him that there might be a reason for him to feel so angry suddenly…a reason beyond his fatigue…but it didn’t surface. He wanted to taste the rage and let it out, anyway; he had had it with this whole operation, these little hens pecking away at petty nonsense.
As he rounded the final corner, he beheld them: three girls fighting over a bag. Kim’s duffel. They were all pulling a different strap in a different direction. He roared at them, “HEY,” slamming his fist into a crate. “CUT IT OUT!”
All three jumped in surprise, looking momentarily afraid. It stopped the bickering, at least, and it tasted good to him.
“This is our stop,” he tried to explain, his eyes dark. “And if we miss it, we’ll be walking for a long, long time.” He began to get the shakes as adrenaline flooded his veins. “Anyone up for that?”
No response.
“I didn’t think so. Kim,” he addressed her directly, “get your bag and let’s get going, already.”
They stood like deer in the headlights for a moment.
“NOW!” he shouted at them, surprising even himself at the measure of his anger.
They all moved quickly, following him toward the side of the boxcar and the door.
“I don’t know and I don’t want to know right now,” he tried to explain to them as he opened the sliding door, letting in the cool fresh air of a late afternoon day. It swirled around them, refreshing everything. He looked at the three girls as they assembled in a line near the edge of the opening. Airel’s arms were crossed at her chest and she glared at him. “We don’t get a second chance for this,” he said, mostly to her, trying to get her to understand how serious things were.
He turned to Ellie, but she had already stuck her blue-crowned head out the opening and started to spy the way ahead, looking for a soft landing area. “Grass ahead,” she said to them.
It was clear that this would be it.
Michael looked to Kim. She stood with her chin drooping a little, hands in the pocket of her dirty red hoodie. She had her bag, at least. She looked really quite unwell; pale and disheveled. You need a shower, he thought, a little repulsed. And a good long sleep. She looked out the door at the rapidly passing scene.
Michael shook his head. He was going to have a look in that bag, one way or another. The group can’t continue on like this, and my curiosity must be satisfied. Especially if I have any kind of authority or position of leadership, or even responsibility, for this cackling walking train wreck. He shook his head and blinked. Whoa. Where did that come from?
But he knew. The fear that he might be right caused him to embrace his doubts about it. Doubt was a safe haven at times.
Ellie, head still poking out the door, reached back behind her. “Here it is!” She hooked arms with Airel, who was very surprised, and jumped out, taking them both for a tumble.
Michael was more than a little shocked, but there was no time to think about it. He gave Kim a violent shove in the back, sending her out of the car with a screaming yelp; the bag too, strapped across her shoulder. She landed awkwardly. He hoped she didn’t break anything.
Nothing left for him, he too jumped. The landing hurt. Even though he tried to roll with it, take some of the edge off, he realized that their little Kreios-hunting party might not have come out of this little misadventure unscathed. Jumping from a moving train was a really stupid thing to do, and nothing like the movies.
He finally came to a skidding rolling stop in the high grass along the embankment of the railroad. He sat up. “Ow,” he groaned, holding his forearms, which had borne the brunt of the impact. “That’s worse than football,” he decided.
He saw Airel and Ellie. They had already popped up, and Airel was giving her some words. “Uh-oh,” He chuckled. He had to admire her. Mostly he was just glad to see she was okay. “Where’s Kim?” he wondered aloud. He saw a little flash of red bobbing in the grass. “There she is.”
“Kim!” he called out. He got to his feet, his body complaining. “Did you live?” As he stood, he could see that she was on her hands and knees in the high grass.
She didn’t respond.
“Lose something?” He walked back up the line toward her as the train passed them by, on its way somewhere without them.
As he walked farther up the way, he could tell Ellie and Airel might possibly have more than words for each other, and pretty quick. He just shook his head. What was he supposed to do, anyway? If they wanted to fight it out—with swords, even—in broad daylight, so be it. He was tired. It might be a blessing to totally blow their cover, end it all right here. No way, he thought. What am I thinking? “Worst idea ever,” he said.
“No kidding, dude!” Kim said as she rose up into a crouch. “Thanks for the warning,” she cussed at him, adding all kinds of choice words her mother would be shocked to hear.
Or maybe not so shocked, he thought.
Kim stood there trying to dust herself off, pulling her ridden up hoodie back down, adjusting the strap of her bag as she stood, stuffing her hands back in the big pocket of the sweater.
He couldn’t help but laugh at her. “Looks like you’re no worse for the wear,” he said. “Did you find what you were looking for?”
She stepped back ever so slightly. “Maybe. What’s it to you?”
He laughed, a little too lightly. He sounded like a politician to himself, paper thin. “Nothing, Kim. Accept my apologies?” He extended a hand to her.
She slapped it away in contempt. “Shut your face, jerk. I’m not talking to you.”
He rolled his eyes at her, letting her see the gesture. “Okay, whatever. You’re ridiculous. I’m going to go pull these other two off each other; you coming?”
She looked him in the eyes. “Not with you.”
He smirked and shook his head. “Well, then…follow along behind.” He made his fingers walk through the air at her.
She spit at him as he left.
“Hey,” Michael called to Ellie and Airel, “is the catfight over yet, or are there still tickets available?”
If I was ever ready to kill, this was the time. I actually scared myself a little, because I felt perilously close to how I had felt in Kreios’s little training hut when he was explaining how to use my emotions.
“Now, listen—” Ellie started to say.
I was about to overflow with hatred and I had to get ahold of myself. The first thing I had to do was get out of Ellie’s face, walk away.
I turned, breathing deep and slow, and put my hands on my knees like an outfielder. “Breathe,” I commanded myself, trying to avoid the idea nestled in the back of my mind that said Ellie was going to personally assault me without warning again.
“You’re quits, then,” she chided from behind me.
I ignored her. “Breathe,” I said again, and took a deep one. Or someone will die, I added. I could hear Michael cracking off smart somewhere behind me. I breathed again. Okay, something is seriously not right here. One minute we’re at each other’s throats, the next…we’re all buddy buddy?
I felt in over my head again. Unlike most people, I knew precisely what that was. I knew precisely what it felt like to die. To drown in death itself; to fly free. Or was that really what it was to be free? Because when I died, something wasn’t quite right then, too, wasn’t there? Yes. Something like unfinished business. I knew what that made me: a ghost. At least it did if I failed whatever test still lay before me.
This was like the Whack-A-Mole game. Smack one test down and up pops another one somewhere else; it was maddening. It was like trying to hide smoke. It just seeped through any tiny crack, leaving me smelling like a stale campfire.
I kept thinking of what She had told me right before I first met Ellie. Something about “One to guide me.” Do I ever need that. I was overwhelmed. Life? Death? I didn’t know much about whatever happened to us when we moved past what we could see and feel here…but instinctually there was a point, I knew, where truth became absolute. And there were no more arguments.
“No more arguments,” I said, thinking, boy, wouldn’t that be nice.
“All right, then,” I heard Ellie say, her voice much softer toward me than I thought I deserved.
I stood erect. “Deal,” I said, without turning. I looked off to the horizon, the line of mountains lumping itself along from one side to the other in my field of view, making me think of the scissors-like shoulder blades of a dog as it walked.
“Hey,” Michael said from behind me, “You guys okay?”
Michael. On my mind a lot, that’s what he was. Not that I could help it much; when it was love…Love. Betrayal…I didn’t even want to think of those words. But they were there, just under the oil slick, just under the surface, and they wouldn’t go away. I could wrap my mind around why he had done what he had done, rationally, but my heart still hurt about it. What if things had happened differently? What if his father had never stepped in? Would I have been his next kill?
Gravel crunched under my feet as I shuffle-paced in circles, wrestling with Things Bigger Than I.
Ellie was talking on her phone now. I figured she was calling about hotel rooms. I prayed she was calling about hotel rooms. She caught my stare and raised an eyebrow at me. What’s she thinking? I thought about trying to read her thoughts, but fear got the best of me and I didn’t. Would she get into my head and read me like a book?
My gut ached with stress as more questions poured into me. Just how did the Brotherhood find us? I trusted Kim to be cool. If anyone was innocent, it was her. But what about Ellie? And what about Michael? Have I been foolish to trust him so soon? Is he still in contact with them? No. I wouldn’t even consider it. If I was going to trust him I needed to do it and stop doubting him like this.
Michael was talking with Ellie. She put her hand on his arm and laughed at something. In the distance I saw Kim dusting herself off, standing all alone. She looked miserable, poor thing. I felt so bad for her. All Ellie could do was flirt casually—or tease—Michael, ignoring my poor, miserable best friend. And me, for that matter. The ache in my stomach left, replaced by frigid anger.
Fine.
I stalked over to Kim. I wanted to shove Michael into the dirt as I passed by him. Bullies. That’s all they were.
I was so confused. I didn’t know what was going on with me; why I was getting so angry so fast. It took only seconds to set me off. But really…after all I’ve shared with Michael…all he’s done for me! How can I not trust him?
As I approached Kim, Michael said something from behind me that made Ellie laugh again. This time he laughed, too. Come on, Airel, you’re just being paranoid. Reading into something when nothing’s there. I wanted to believe that. I wanted to think that this girl, this angel, this perfect beautiful killer, wasn’t trying to steal my boyfriend from me. But what did I know about her? What did any of us really know about her?
Something wasn’t adding up. Maybe it was just my jealous heart talking too loudly.