“She may join our classes, if she wants to. It is not your concern anymore. Go to Herat and find Samant. I will see you in Kashgar, God willing.”
Rustan bowed and left the Maji-khan’s tent, unable to put words to his thoughts. He knew that Barkav was disappointed in him. He had been liberated from the task of teaching the Markswoman, but instead of the sense of relief he had expected, all he felt was doubt and the gnawing guilt that he was somehow betraying her.
At least he was getting away from Khur. He would be gone by nightfall. He would not have to see Shurik’s face for weeks. Or Kyra’s. But the thought that he might never see Kyra again created a painful twist inside him, and he walked faster, trying to ignore it. He would go to Herat, he would find Samant, and he would bring him to Kashgar. In Kashgar he would decide what to do next.
One step at a time was all he could take.
Chapter 24
Bend like a Reed
Behind the hill that housed the caves of Kali rose another, steeper hill. No caves punctured its slopes, but a rocky overhang halfway up provided some shelter from wind and rain. Here Nineth sat in the lotus position, numb with pain. Tamsyn had instructed her to spend four days and four nights meditating, alone and without food. This was her penance for trying to run away.
Water was not a problem; a little stream tumbled down the rocks not far from where she sat, and she had a clay pot that she kept filled at her side. But Nineth was sick of eating the sour red berries and dry walnuts that were all the sustenance she could find this late in the season.
She was not supposed to eat anything at all, and she had fought her hunger pangs the first and second day. But by the third day her self-control was gone. She crammed berries into her mouth, letting the juice dribble down her chin. She hunted for walnuts under the silvery gray tree that stood like a sentinel below the rocky overhang. She smashed the nuts open against the rocks and pried them out with her fingernails.
Now she had cramps, but whether from the food she had foraged on the hillside or from sitting in the lotus position, she did not know.
Concentrate, she told herself. But it was no good. She couldn’t. Her thoughts kept wandering in the most wayward fashion. What had Tarshana cooked for the midday meal? Was Kyra alive and well? How far could she herself have gotten if that sly Baliya hadn’t followed her to the paddocks? Did any of the elders know and approve of her penance?
Tamsyn had commanded her not to talk to anyone about the penance, saying that it would be “prideful” on her part. Nineth had agreed, of course. Anything to make Tamsyn stop speaking to her in that voice that drilled into the back of her skull like so many nails. She still had a headache from that, even four days later.
Would today be the day that Tamsyn sent for her, to welcome her back to the Order? And if she did not, couldn’t Nineth simply walk back home herself, penance over, all forgiven, to be reunited with her katari?
No. Of course she couldn’t. Nineth almost cried when she thought of this. The caves of Kali were but a half-hour walk from here. But they might as well have been at the other end of Asiana. Tamsyn had been most explicit in her commands. Here she was to stay until sent for.
But Tamsyn had also said four days. Surely she had said four days. Another night here would kill Nineth. She had her cloak, but it did little to keep out the cold and damp. Sleep, when it came, was filled with terrifying dreams of being chased by an unseen evil through a dark and dripping forest. She was always relieved to wake up in the morning and find that there was no monster.
But even the bright sunlight was no longer a comfort. It mocked her with its cheery disregard. Look, it said, the world turns without you. The birds sing, the squirrels store nuts for winter, the Markswomen of Kali carry on with their daily work. You are not needed. You are not missed.
A tear trickled down Nineth’s cheek and she wiped it away. Don’t weep, you ninny. What would Shirin Mam think?
But the thought of Shirin Mam brought a fresh wave of sadness. She would have broken down and wept right then, but was startled by the sound of twigs crackling in the undergrowth. Were those footsteps? Hope flared in her chest; she wiped her face with a sleeve and stood up, swaying. The roof of the shelter was not high enough for her to stand erect, and she had to bend down as she hobbled out.
Tamsyn stood before her, arms crossed, a little smile on her lips. Her black robe flapped in the wind, but she looked as elegant as ever. “My dear Nineth,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “You have begun to smell.”
“I’m sorry, Mother,” said Nineth, and she hung her head.
Tamsyn waved her hand. “No matter. After all, there is no one here to smell you. Have you done as I instructed?”
“Yes, Mother,” said Nineth. “I have been meditating, like you told me to.”
Tamsyn uncrossed her arms and examined her long fingernails. “I despair of these young ones,” she said to herself. “One of them has run away like a thief, and another lies to me, her Mahimata.”
“I did not lie,” Nineth protested, although a small voice warned her to stay quiet. “I have been meditating.”
Tamsyn did not stop smiling. If anything, her smile became wider. Her arm shot out in a backfist punch that caught Nineth on the chin, throwing her against the rock wall.
Nineth got back to her feet slowly, her head spinning, tasting blood. The hope that had flared in her chest flickered out. Had she thought it would be so easy to return to the safety of the Order?
“I did not like to do that, Nineth,” said Tamsyn. “And I do not like to leave you here for another four days. But you give me no choice. This was supposed to be a penance, not a picnic. You have been gorging on nuts and berries, haven’t you? You should not even have moved from your place inside the shelter. And I did tell you quite specifically not to eat.”
Nineth knew there was no point in arguing.
“You will stay here,” Tamsyn commanded, and Nineth shook as the Inner Speech rolled into her head. “You will not move from the lotus position. You will not eat.” She paused and said in a normal voice, “You can drink, if you wish, so keep some water with you. You see, I am not unreasonable. I will come again in four days. I hope that this time you will take your penance seriously and I can return this to you.”
She made a flourish, like a magician, and Nineth stared at the katari that lay revealed in her hand. If only she could get hold of it again.
But a vast and growing gulf separated Nineth from her beloved katari. She could no more have reached for it than she could have touched the sky and the stars.
Tamsyn flicked the katari back inside her robe and said, with a hint of the Inner Speech, “Take your position now. Do not let anyone know that you are here.” She paused and cocked her head. “Not that anyone has asked after you, of course.”