“How is it different? By Ruthia—who in her more tender moments protects fools, drunks, and minstrels—how can you tell me this is different? Do you imagine for a moment you have one hope in ten times ten thousand of ever seeing this girl again, whoever she is?”
“I know, but thinking of Carline has kept me from losing my mind more times . . .” He sighed loudly. “We all need one dream, Laurie.”
Laurie studied his young friend for a quiet moment. “Yes, Pug, we all need one dream. Still,” he added brightly, “a dream is one thing, a living, breathing, warm woman is another.” Seeing Pug become irritated at the remark, he switched topics. “Who is Carline, Pug?”
“My lord Borric’s daughter.”
Laurie’s eyes grew round. “Princess Carline?” Pug nodded. Laurie’s voice showed amusement. “The most eligible noble daughter in the Western Realm after the daughter of the Prince of Krondor? There are sides to you I never would have thought possible! Tell me about her.”
Pug began to speak slowly at first, telling of his boyhood infatuation for her, then of how their relationship developed. Laurie remained silent, putting aside questions, letting Pug relieve himself of the pent-up emotions of years. Finally Pug said, “Perhaps that’s what bothers me so much about Katala. In certain ways Katala’s like Carline. They’ve both got strong wills and make their moods known.”
Laurie nodded, not saying anything. Pug lapsed into silence, then after a moment said, “When I was at Crydee, I thought for a time I was in love with Carline. But I don’t know. Is that strange?”
Laurie shook his head. “No, Pug. There are many ways to love someone. Sometimes we want love so much, we’re not too choosy about who we love. Other times we make love such a pure and noble thing, no poor human can ever meet our vision. But for the most part, love is a recognition, an opportunity to say, There is something about you I cherish.’ It doesn’t entail marriage, or even physical love. There’s love of parents, love of city or nation, love of life, and love of people. All different, all love. But tell me, do you find your feelings for Katala much as they were for Carline?”
Pug shrugged and smiled. “No, they’re not, not quite the same. With Carline, I felt as if I had to keep her away, you know, at arm’s length. Sort of keeping control of what went on, I think.”
Laurie probed lightly. “And Katala?”
Pug shrugged again. “I don’t know. It’s different. I don’t feel as if I have to keep her under control. It’s more as if there are things I want to tell her, but I don’t know how. Like the way I got all jammed up inside when she smiled at me the first time. I could talk to Carline, when she kept quiet and let me. Katala keeps quiet, but I don’t know what to say.” He paused a moment, then made a sound that was half sigh, half groan. “Just thinking about Katala makes me hurt, Laurie.”
Laurie lay back, a friendly chuckle escaping his lips. “Aye, it’s well I’ve known that ache. And I must admit your taste runs to interesting women. From what I can see, Katala’s a prize. And the Princess Carline . . .”
A little snappishly, Pug said, “I’ll make a point of introducing you when we get back.”
Laurie ignored the tone “I’ll hold you to that. Look, all I mean is it seems you’ve developed an excellent knack for finding worthwhile women.” A little sadly, he said, “I wish I could claim as much. My life has been mostly caught up with tavern wenches, farmers’ daughters, and common street whores. I don’t know what to tell you.”
“Laurie,” said Pug. Laurie sat up and looked at his friend. “I don’t know . . . I don’t know what to do.”
Laurie studied Pug a moment, then comprehension dawned and he threw back his head, laughing. He could see Pug’s anger rising and put his hands up in supplication. “I’m sorry, Pug. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. It was just not what I expected to hear.”
Somewhat placated, Pug said, “I was young when I was captured, less than sixteen years of age. I was never of a size like the other boys, so the girls didn’t pay much attention to me, until Carline, I mean, and after I became a squire, they were afraid to talk to me. After that . . . Damn it all, Laurie. I’ve been in the swamps for four years. What chance have I had to know a woman?”
Laurie sat quietly for a moment, and the tension left the room. “Pug, I never would have imagined, but as you said, when have you had the time?”
“Laurie, what am I to do?”
“What would you like to do?” Laurie looked at Pug, his expression showing concern.