“You want a refund?”
“I want a horse.”
“I’m all out of horses for this week, but I’ve got a mammoth jenny.”
“A what?”
“Come, I’ll show you.”
He led me to the stable. Inside in the third stall something large moved. It looked like a horse, about sixteen hands or so tall. The man raised a feylantern. A long face with two-foot-long ears looked at me with big blue eyes. A donkey, except it stood about eight feet tall, hoof to ear. Big white spots painted its black shaggy hide.
“What is this?”
“That right there is a mammoth jenny. A female American Mammoth donkey.”
“Is she magic?”
“Nahh. They developed them in the early twentieth century, primarily for mule breeding. She’s a good mount. Good on a trail. She’ll give you a twenty-mile-per-hour gallop in a pinch, but not for long. One thing, though. Most of her kind are sweet. She’s what we call in the business a freak of nature. Smart, stubborn, and ornery.”
“What’s her name?”
“Cuddles.”
Perfect. “I’ll take her.”
The moment I walked Cuddles out of her stall, she turned to face me, stood erect, and put her ears forward. Okay. When a horse was ready to be aggressive, she typically put her ears back. This, I didn’t know. Donkeys were a new territory for me.
“What do the ears mean?”
Mr. Walton shrugged. “Means she isn’t sure about you. Donkeys are stoic animals. They’re not horses with long ears, you know.”
Okay. If Cuddles were a horse, I’d wave the lead at her to make her take a step back. In horse dominance games, whoever moved first lost face. Something told me it wouldn’t work here. “Do you have any carrots?”
Mr. Walton crossed the stable to the front and brought me a large carrot.
“Thanks.” I took one, bit into the top, and made loud chewing noises. “Mmm, yummy carrot.”
Cuddles opened her eyes a little wider.
“Mmm, delicious.”
Cuddles took a step forward. I turned sideways and tried to chew louder. Cuddles clopped toward me and nudged my shoulder with her nose. I held the carrot in front of her and petted her cheek. She ate the carrot and looked at me.
“Very nice,” Mr. Walton approved. “You’re a donkey whisperer.”
“You got more carrots?”
Two minutes later I packed three pounds of carrots into Cuddles’s saddlebags. He let me have them for free “on account of Cuddles isn’t a horse and I did rent your mare out from under you.” If a herd of giant donkeys crossed our path and needed to be subdued, I had it covered.
I rode out of the stables on top of an eight-foot-tall donkey that looked like she had robbed a Holstein cow and was now wearing the stolen clothes. Robert gaped at me. Desandra made a weird face: her right eyebrow crept up, her left went down, and her mouth got stuck somewhere between surprise and the beginning of the word “what.” Derek’s mouth opened and didn’t close until we came to a halt next to him.
“What the hell is this?” Desandra asked.
“This is Cuddles. She’s a mammoth donkey.”
Derek grinned, leaning on the fence. “Do you have any self-respect left?”
“Nope.”
“I think she’s cute.” Desandra reached out.
Cuddles promptly tried to bite her. Desandra jerked her hand away and bared her teeth. “Donkey, you don’t know who you’re messing with. I’ll eat you for breakfast.”
“Where to now?” I asked.
“Hold on,” Robert said. “I’m still . . . coming to terms with your mode of transportation.”
“Take your time.” I nudged Cuddles, turning her to give him a better view. Cuddles flicked her ears, lifted her feet, and pranced. Oh dear God.
Derek put his head down on the fence and made a moaning noise. Desandra chortled.
“Okay,” Robert said. “I think I’ve absorbed. I am ready for strategy planning now. Could you please stop prancing?”
“She isn’t done.”
It took another thirty seconds and a carrot to get Cuddles under control.
“How do we get into the territory without being killed?” I asked.
“We can try the northwest approach,” Robert said. “It’s more lightly patrolled. But with the current state of things, they likely doubled the security. They’ll be looking for us.”
That was the understatement of the century.
“I could go alone,” Robert offered.
“If they find you, we’ll never find your scout or the crime scene,” Desandra said.
He spared her a look. “They won’t find me.”
Sure, they won’t. Pointing out that his pride was getting the better of him wouldn’t be politic. I had to say something neutral.
“Accidents happen.” Kate Daniels, Master of Diplomacy.
“We can come in on one of their usual patrol routes,” Derek said.
We turned to him.
“They know our patrol routes,” the boy wonder said. “So we shift them when there’s an emergency. They’ll likely do the same, leaving the original route open.”
“Likely?” Desandra shook her head.
“Likely is what we have,” Robert said.
“I don’t like it,” Desandra said. “I don’t know about you, but I have two babies to go home to. We could be walking right into their patrol.”
“We won’t,” I said.
“What makes you so sure?” Robert asked.
“We have a real-life vampire detector with us,” Derek said.
It was my turn to be looked at.
“You keep staring, I’ll have to do a dance or something.”
“You can sense vampires?” Robert asked.
“Yes.”
“From how far away?” the alpha rat asked.
“From far enough to give us time to hide.”
“Okay,” Robert said. “Then I vote for the patrol route.”
Desandra surveyed me as if she had met me for the first time. “What other fun things can you do?”
I winked at her. “Stick with me and you might find out.”
“We can go through the quarantine zone,” Derek said. “Even bloodsuckers stay out of there.”
“There’s probably a reason for that,” Desandra said.
“Fortune favors the brave,” I told her. It also kills the stupid, but I decided to keep that fact to myself. “Come on. We need to hurry.”