While they were building the cabins, Jace and all his enforcers had slept on the living room floor in the main lodge. Jace thought it would help them bond, which was crucial for men expected to put their lives on the line for one another on a daily basis.
He must have been right, because I’d never seen a staff of enforcers as close-knit as Jace’s were. Their unity and loyalty gave them formidable, noted strength.
Which, naturally, made me the outsider. And likely the only one who would chafe from using towels about as soft as dead grass.
I tightened the towel around my chest and had just grabbed my phone from the bathroom counter when it rang. Brian’s name and number popped up on the screen. I groaned out loud.
I’d told him I would answer his calls. He’d probably heard about my psycho stalker and was worried, but the last thing in the world I wanted to do after seeing my pictures tacked up all over a murderer’s bulletin board was talk to Brian. Though truthfully, the last thing I ever wanted to do was talk to Brian.
What did that say about the future of our relationship? How was I supposed to spend the rest of my life with him if I didn’t even want to talk to him?
With a sigh, I sank onto the edge of the tub and pressed the button to accept his call. “Hey.”
“Hey. Your dad just told me what you guys found today. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Really? Because I think anyone else would be pretty freaked out.” Brian sounded openly frustrated for maybe the third time in our entire engagement. Usually, he was careful to keep his tone so light and gentle that it just kind of floated over us both, never really dipping into the realm of true substance.
Evidently, after our “breakthrough” in the woods, he’d expected me to be more forthcoming. But I’d had a breakthrough of my own.
I couldn’t spend every day for the rest of my life like that. Avoiding conversations. Ducking kisses. How was I supposed to give either of our parents grandchildren if I couldn’t stand the thought of Brian touching me?
“Okay, it wasn’t a great first day on the job.” I shrugged at my reflection in the mirror. “But I didn’t sign up to cuddle puppies and fluff pillows.”
“Abby, it’s okay to be upset. Do you want to tell me about it?”
I can’t.
I was keeping too many secrets and telling too many lies, and letting the truth out—any of the truths—would mean losing someone. The only person in my life that I could stand to lose was Brian. That meant something. Right?
I took a deep breath. “Well, I do need to talk to you, but not about the crime scene.”
“What’s wrong?” Over the line, I heard the squeak of springs, which told me he’d just sat on the edge of his bed. Or maybe a large chair. I wasn’t sure what the furniture in his room sounded like, because I’d never been there in all my time on the ranch.
Another deep breath. Then I decided to rip the bandage off and hope that was the break-it-to-me approach he favored, because I had no clue how he took his coffee, much less bad news. “Brian, I can’t marry you.” Even if a broken engagement had the potential to drive a wedge between our fathers. My dad wasn’t unreasonable. I had to believe he would understand.
Though I wasn’t sure about Ed Taylor...
Silence settled over the line for the span of a heartbeat. Then: “What?”
“I’m sorry. I thought I could. I thought that’s what I wanted, because that’s what I was supposed to want. But it’s not.”
“Is this about Jace?” Brian’s voice sounded…heavy, but not truly angry. Nor surprised.
“No.” Not technically, anyway. Jace and I obviously had chemistry—just the thought made me blush—but that didn’t change the reality of the situation. I was too young for him. I was his employee, so any relationship between us would be a blatant conflict of interest for him. And if it even looked like I’d broken up with Brian for Jace, I would have dragged a third Alpha into the rift between my dad and Brian’s.
Even if Jace was willing to risk that for me, I wasn’t sure I could let him.
“Then why?” Brian asked. “We could be good together.”
“Yes, I think we could. If either of us really wanted that.”
“I want it,” he insisted.
“Why?”
“What do you mean?”
I could practically hear his confusion. “Why do you want to marry me, Brian?” It wasn’t because we’d connected physically or emotionally. Or even conversationally. “What is it you were looking forward to the most?” I gave him a moment, and when he didn’t answer, I took a guess. “Sex?”
“No! I could have been… I mean, if we weren’t together for the past few years… I gave up lots of opportunities.”
“I’m sorry about that.” I hadn’t meant to dangle any X-rated carrots in front of him. “So, if not sex, what then? The Pride? Did you want to be an Alpha?”
“What did you want?” Brian snapped, and I realized I’d struck a nerve. “What did you get out of this?”
“I…” But telling the truth was a lot harder than asking for it.