I pulled the cloak from Allan, and David stepped between us, staring Allan down. Allan met his challenging eye contact with a devilish smile, not breaking away.
David gave him a good solid push back, and Allan went, still smiling at David.
David shook his head.
“I won’t go with you,” Allan told me.
I scowled. “No one asked you to come.”
He looked offended in a rather dire way. “Who will entertain you?”
David snorted, and Allan frowned at him.
I pulled up another dress, and tucked it into the satchel. Beneath it were the stack of letters, and the sight of them sliced into my belly like a knife.
Allan didn’t have to be quick to snatch these from me. I were staring at them, and he picked them up, turning them over. “You haven’t opened a one,” he said.
“No,” I said, my mouth going dry.
“So that’s it, then,” he said soft. “You don’t want him anymore. The greatest love story I’ve ever had the chance to tell, and you’re throwing him away.” His head tilted. “In fact, why don’t we just do that,” he said, going to the window.
“Allan!” I yelled, diving for him as he pushed the shutter open. “Allan, don’t!”
I grabbed one arm, jerking it back and slamming my knee into his bits. He wailed, falling back and curling dramatic onto the floor with a howl.
David were right behind me, crossing his arms and watching Allan writhe on the floor instead of assisting.
I took the letters, pressing them into the satchel and buckling the leather shut. I turned to Allan as he started to rise, weakly leaning on the wall. “You think this is easy? That I’m being cruel?” I snapped. “Maybe I am! But I’d rather love him for the rest of my life than love him now and lose him soon after.”
Even as the words left my mouth, they didn’t feel true. Rob’s and my love had always been made in the cracks, the jagged little edges that came from the ruin of something else. It were a place that weren’t supposed to be filled with love, but that’s how it had always been. Our love filled the broken bits and made us whole again. There weren’t no perfect time to love him, not ever, and it had always been with the threat of death and hurt hovering round us. And we’d love each other anyway. Sure, and true.
“You’re giving up, my lady,” he told me.
“You don’t understand,” I told him. I hefted the bag up, and David shook his head.
“Leave it there, my lady. I’ll pack the horses,” David told me. “You go on.”
“Good-bye, Allan,” I told him.
He shook his head. “It’s not good-bye, lady thief. I’ll never believe that.”
I sighed. “David, I’m going to say my good-byes to the others.”
David nodded, and I went out of the room. I were in a skirt now, and I kicked at it as I walked down the hallway. I felt along my back; Eleanor had even purchased two knives for me, and I slid one out of my bodice. I turned it in my good hand. My stumps ached, but the fingers I had left were still sturdy for gripping things. I held the knife in my bad hand, squeezing it tight.
I could hold it. It were awkward, and painful, but I could hold it.
“You’re a lady now,” Eleanor said, and I raised my head to see her down the hall. “You don’t need knives, you know.”
Flipping it up, I caught it with my good hand. “Even a lady needs something sharp at her disposal,” I told her.
“That’s what words are for.” She lifted a shoulder. “Or knights, perhaps.”
“You’re not traveling with many,” I said.
“No,” she said. “Most are still covering the countryside, making announcements, assisting their lords. They are returning to me as fast as they can, but for now, we have enough.” She sighed. “I always like having more men about, but I’ll make do.”
I nodded.
She waved me into her chambers, and Margaret were there, beaming at me in her strange way, and she handed Eleanor a cloth. Eleanor took it, unwrapping the cloth, showing my moonstone.
“This was when I believed him,” she whispered to me. “That you were dead.”
I swallowed.
“Here,” she said, holding up the chain, and I bowed my head. She slipped it around my neck, and the weight settled down, finding the dip between my breasts. She looked at it and nodded. “Where it belongs.”
“Thank you, Eleanor,” I told her. I jerked forward, hugging her.
“There have been many sins between us, my girl,” she said, petting my back. “But family protects one another. I will always keep you safe.”