“I need you to trust me, Ramie. And I understand in your position that it’s hard for you to trust anyone. Because you see the bad in people. But you’ve touched me, felt no sign of evil. So I hope that means you can trust me. The very best place for you to be is in my home, where I can be sure of your safety. I have security measures most government facilities don’t have.”
At her doubtful look he sighed. “Besides, I want you with me. There hasn’t been a day in the last year that I haven’t thought about you. And it’s not just guilt. Or remorse for what I did to you. There’s something between us, something beyond a passing acquaintance. You felt it. I felt it. And I’d like very much for you to trust me and to see what develops between us.”
Her mouth rounded in shock. He was talking about a possible relationship? He couldn’t possibly mean what she thought he was saying. For one, she didn’t do relationships. It was impossible when she sensed the worst in others, never the best.
And then there was the fact that they didn’t even know each other. Their only connection was one steeped in blood, violence, a bond she hadn’t wanted but had been forced to endure. It certainly wasn’t the basis for any relationship, much less one that involved her.
And yet he was right about one thing at least. She had touched him. Had felt the very heart of him and he wasn’t evil. But did that mean she could trust him? That she could ever let her guard down enough to let him truly see her? Could she allow him past her carefully erected barriers to the very heart and soul of her?
At times she felt as though she’d lost herself years ago. Or perhaps she never truly existed. She wasn’t capable of having relationships. She was too fucked up, and who would ever possibly care about her or love her with all the baggage that accompanied her? Someone would have to be a masochist to sign up for that kind of clusterfuck.
“I’m not capable of having a relationship,” she said in a low, embarrassed voice. “I have too many issues. Issues that most men aren’t exactly lining up to take on.”
He gave her an impatient look, mild exasperation in his eyes.
“I’m not most men, Ramie. And hell, I don’t know exactly where this is headed either. I sure as hell don’t have all the answers. All I know is that when I look at you, when I touch you, something happens to me. I get all twisted up on the inside and it suddenly becomes imperative that I be near you. I have no explanation for it. You have no idea what it did to me when I realized what I’d forced you to do, made you experience every single thing my sister went through. God. That has weighed on my mind for the last year. Knowing that by saving my sister, I hurt an innocent. The very last person who deserved what I did to you.”
She glanced away, the sting of tears burning her lids. Why couldn’t she just be normal like everyone else? She’d never asked for her gift—or rather curse. At times she wished that each case would be her last, that somehow she’d have a mental overload and burn herself out, effectively ending the ability to track evil.
It made her selfish. Isn’t that what Caleb had accused her of in the beginning? Of being selfish for not being willing to help him find his sister? But she couldn’t continue doing this forever. Not when every single victim still burned brightly in her mind with no way to rid herself of the terrible memories.
And her dreams. God, the dreams. Not only did she have a maniac taunting her in her sleep, but there were also all the others, a litany of blood, pain and death. When would it end? Would it ever end?
She glanced helplessly back at Caleb, not even knowing what to say to him, how to respond to his impassioned statement. Did he merely need absolution for what he considered his sin against her? Was it guilt driving him?
“I won’t push you, Ramie,” Caleb said in a low tone. “I just want the chance to prove to you that we may well have something worth exploring. We weren’t brought together by the best of circumstances, but it doesn’t mean that the future isn’t what we make it.”
“I’m broken,” she choked out. “On the inside. I’m broken where it counts. I’m not even sure I’m capable of love or even like. I have no concept of what lovers do. How they’re supposed to act. All I’ve ever known is violence and death. Those are things I understand. Everything else? A normal life, a normal relationship? I can’t give you those things. And it’s not that I don’t want to. God, I’d give anything to be able to enjoy what everyone else takes for granted. Happiness, love, relationships, dating, for God’s sake. I don’t know how to act in social or intimate situations. Why the hell would you sign up for that?”
He moved from his seat and knelt down in front of her so they were eye level. Then he simply curled his hand around her nape and pulled her toward him, his lips pressing against hers.
It was an electric shock to her system. She was assailed by desire, lust, all the things she’d never before experienced. It was overwhelming. She had no idea what she was supposed to do in return.