It was worse than I’d expected. He wasn’t just suspicious, there was worry in his eyes, and it threatened to chip away at the wall I’d erected around myself.
“You’re a mess. There’s barely an inch of unmarked skin on you.” He sounded almost violent when he said it, but there was something raw there too.
It made me think of the other day, in my condo, and my breathing sped up and my palms grew damp. When he was like this, my body responded to him without any consent from me.
Every line of him, the tilt of his head, the way his eyes stared at me; he was alive like no one I’d ever encountered. There’s no way that his life force could have ever squeezed itself into a mortal husk.
“What would you have been?” I slipped, not able to contain my curiosity. Instead of being mesmerized by him, I needed to get out of there. But the question was out now, and I couldn’t stop myself from hoping he’d finally tell me.
“You share and maybe I’ll do the same.” He looked me up and down.
Why would he tell me? I’d told him nothing and had no right to ask for anything in return. The wall between us that had slipped for a minute was right back up.
“I fell down the stairs at the condo. I’m horribly clumsy.” That had to be the lamest line I’d ever uttered. I needed to stop watching Lifetime movies. Still, it didn’t matter what I told him. He’d know it was a lie, and I didn’t have the strength to pretend I was being honest.
I couldn’t tell him the truth, and there was nothing else to be said.
“You’re in over your head. Can’t you see that?” He slammed his hand against the door.
I knew he was frustrated. Whatever his motivation was, he did want to help, and that made it so much worse. How many times would I be able to swallow back the words? I looked at him and got angry he even made me feel this way. Weak.
“How do you know what I can handle?” My voice cracked as I said it, angry at his assumption and worried he might be right.
His hand suddenly grabbed the edge of my t-shirt and yanked it upward violently, displaying my bruised and damaged skin underneath.
I didn’t mean to flinch, but I couldn’t stop the reflex. It wasn’t that I was afraid of him. We might have our differences, but he was probably the one person in my life right now that I would stake everything on not hurting me.
But natural instinct, born mostly out of the beatings I’d taken recently, made me. Get the shit kicked out of you enough and you’d flinch at the Mother Mary making the sign of the cross if her finger waved a bit too close.
I tried to play it off like it wasn’t a big deal. I yanked the shirt out of his hand and pushed it down quickly.
“Yeah, you’ve really got this under control.” His hands dropped to his sides, but he didn’t move away. The look in his eyes made me uneasy. “Why did you flinch? You really think I’d touch you like that?” he asked, roughly gesturing to where he’d just revealed my injuries.
“No.” I rubbed my hand against the back of my neck, and I was the one who couldn’t look at him now. “It was just…”
“Can’t you see you’re a wreck?”
Nervous laughter bubbled up, compounded by embarrassment. Of course I saw. I wasn’t blind; I was stuck. He was the one that couldn’t see. I’d been thrown in the deep end without knowing how to swim, but I was doggy paddling my ass off. I’d get out of this, even if I did it on my own.
“I’m leaving now.” Sensing a calm moment, I moved to open the door.
“Why should I let you?”
“Because unless you intend on keeping me here and guarding me night and day, you have no other choice. I am not your responsibility or your concern.” Each word closed the door a little more snugly, and made me more and more trapped, but this was the way it had to be.
Even still, as I took the last few steps out the door, my feet dragged and I felt like I’d stumble under the weight.
I was committed to seeing this thing through alone but not because I wanted to. Deep down, I felt weak because I wanted him to stop me, but asking him to was akin to killing Kitty by my own hand.
Chapter 28
Not so alone after all.
“Large iced coffee, please.” The cashier handed me the change from my twenty and I exited the shop and walked across the street.
The benches were fairly comfortable at the Murrell’s Inlet Marsh Walk. I angled my leg out along the length of one. It was aching but not as badly as it had been two nights ago when I’d ended up at Fate’s. I’d wrapped it tightly in anticipation of the job I’d be assigned tonight.
A gentle breeze blew the reeds across the wetlands. A pelican, perched on a wooden stump, gave me a condemning eye. There weren’t any pelicans employed by the agency that I knew of, so it was hopefully only my imagination that it was judging me.
The time on my phone indicated Luke would be here any minute, unless he’d decided to mess with me and be late on purpose. I wouldn’t put it past him. Every move he made seemed to have some sadistic undertone.
The pelican took off from its perch and flew across the marsh but turned sharply to fly inward. He dipped over one of the bars that lined the outdoor area and right over where Fate sat on a stool, a drink in his hand.
He raised his glass to me. I just stared back. Why would I ever have imagined he’d just let me go along my own way? Had I learned nothing about him? A selfish part of me was elated for a moment. I couldn’t do anything with him in tow, which meant I couldn’t do the job tonight.
The relief didn’t last long. If I knew they wouldn’t torture or kill Kitty, maybe I could use the excuse that had so neatly fell in my lap, but that wasn’t the person I wanted to be. Every day had become a battle to overcome what I desired to do, for what I needed to do.
Decision made; even if I did secretly want him there, he was a problem nonetheless. I couldn’t meet Luke, or anyone else, until I got rid of Fate. My brain finally kicked into gear and I dug through my purse for the spare phone.
“We have to postpone our meeting for a little bit,” I said the second Luke answered.
“Why?”
He didn’t know Fate was here? They knew everything and usually immediately. Maybe he was too far away from me, or more likely, Luke did know and choose not to say.
Fate’s stare met mine again as he watched me talk on the phone. He tilted his glass back and waved over the waiter, not once losing sight of me.
“I got a call from Harold. I have to go in to the office,” I blurted out quickly.
“Tell him you can’t.” His voice was like a hammer, slamming away at my nerves.
“I think he’s having me followed. I don’t think we should take the chance.” He still said nothing about Fate. Why wouldn’t he know? They always knew. Was I going to pay for this later?
“You said you were careful.”
There was a dangerous edge to his voice and I felt a tremor go through me. Who was this person I was becoming, that trembled at some low life’s accusation?
“That’s what I’m being now.”
Fate got off his stool.
“Fine. Tonight.”
He hung up, leaving me to wonder what would be in store for me later. There’d be something.
I threw the phone back in my purse as Fate walked toward me in a determined yet calm manner, fresh drink in his hand. He sat down on the bench next to me like it was the most normal thing in the world for him to be stalking me.
“You’re following me.” It wasn’t a question. I was simply putting it out on the table.
He shook his head. “Coincidence. This is my favorite place.”
So now I was going to be the questioner and he was going to lie? Guess I deserved that.
“Good food?”
“Great drinks.” He held up his glass.
“Are you going to be staying a while?” I found myself enjoying this game more than I should have.
“Not sure. What do you think you’ll be doing?” He leaned back and smiled at me, daring me to do something about it.
I tugged my purse higher on my shoulder and crossed my arms. “Getting chilly out. I think I’m going to leave.”