“The more you cling to your mortal life, the duller your senses and the less you pick up. Why do you think everyone knows something’s off with you the second they see you? You practically reek of human.”
I could hear the disgust in his voice and, if anything, it made me want to cling harder. I didn’t want to be like them.
“I thought you wanted to get your killer?”
“Don’t think you can throw those words out at me and I’m going to hop up and do whatever you want. What am I, an idiot? Just because we didn’t get a read off of that Maxwell guy doesn’t mean it has anything to do with this. I could never visit Charlie again and I might still stink of human. I don’t know what your problem is with this, but it’s your problem. I agreed to cooperate, and I am. Now back off.”
I grabbed my purse and walked away from Fate.
“He wasn’t even your soul mate,” he said as he got up and followed me.
“You have no idea what we were to each other.”
“Stop lying.”
“I'm not lying to you.”
“Lying to me isn't the problem. I know it's bullshit and I make my arrangements accordingly. You're lying to yourself and that is an issue.” He stepped around and stopped right in front of me.
“Come on.”
“What?”
“I want to show you something.”
“What?”
“I didn't want to do this, but it’s getting out of hand.”
When I didn't move he grabbed my hand and yanked me after him.
“You're so bossy!” We walked to his car, where he opened the door for me and waited.
“Where are we going?”
“You'll see. Get in.”
Charlie had left for the day so I didn’t care enough to fight about staying. If I had to go see something with him to get him to back off, it was easier to just go.
I sighed extra loud, voicing my annoyance, but I got in the car.
We drove several blocks away and parked on the street. Walking between the houses to beach access, the sun was just starting to set. We stopped in front of a two-story beachfront house.
“Would you mind explaining what we’re doing at the beach?”
“Now we wait.”
“I’m not standing out here all night. Five minutes and I’m leaving.”
He looked down at his watch. “Only need two.” He tapped my shoulder and nodded to the house we were in front of, just as the sliders to the deck were opening.
When I saw the intense expression on Fate’s partly shadowed face, the panic started. I felt lightheaded and my legs were weak, but I didn’t tell him that.
“I want to leave. I’m not into peeping tom scenes.”
He grabbed my wrist when I went to walk away. I tugged at my arm but he wasn't budging.
“You already know, don't you?” It sounded like an accusation.
I swallowed hard but didn't answer. He wasn't going to let it go so I was forced to let this play out. I looked at the house.
An elegant brunette walked out, followed by Charlie, both with a glass of wine in their hands. I knew all of Charlie's friends, and I didn’t know her.
I stood transfixed, watching as the woman walked over to the railing and put her glass down on it. Charlie followed and placed his beside hers. Then, the woman's back to the railing, Charlie placed his hands on either side of her. I’d never taken a real beating in my life but I knew I would’ve preferred the physical pain compared to what it felt like now. I watched as he leaned in closer until there was no possible excuse left that could be made. His fingers threaded through her hair as hers found his shoulders.
They were oblivious to us watching. Why wouldn’t they be? We were just two strangers, enjoying the beach on a nice evening.
“And he didn't just meet her. But you knew that, didn't you?” Fate was angry and I didn’t understand why. I was the one watching my fiancé with another woman.
“Do you get some strange satisfaction out of this?” I looked at the ocean, the beach, the dunes that ran along it, and finally I looked at Fate. I looked anywhere but back at Charlie.
“I don't understand,” he said, and I could tell he meant it.
“Why do you care? Yes, I knew. I didn't have any facts or details, but I knew the way women always know.”
“Why did you stay?” His hands gripped my shoulders.
“I don't know.” His hands tightened on me as he forced me to watch them on the deck together. They weren’t kissing anymore, but he still had an arm around her as she nestled into his side.
“He met her two months ago. She's his soul mate. I can't speculate on what he would’ve done if you had lived. I don't know if he would've gone through with the marriage or not. I just know she is who he’s supposed to be with and who he'll live out the rest of his life with. And now that they’ve found each other, even if they are reborn, they’ll search for each other until the end of eternity.”
“Thank you. I'm not sure I could've gone on another moment without being aware of that.”
“You put Charlie on a pedestal and pretended your relationship was something that, deep down, you knew it wasn't. It was a lie.”
Why was he doing this to me? I just wanted to get away, but I wasn’t going to struggle with Fate and have him see how much it was bothering me. “Did you have to cultivate being this much of an ass?”
“I don't understand. With your work, you gave it every ounce of yourself, but your relationships are always disasters.”
“I'm dead now, so I guess it doesn't matter.”
“You still don't get it. I'm not just talking about this life, I'm talking about your last ten. You've done this over and over, and over again. It's exhausting to watch, even as a bystander. For fuck’s sake, just once, don't settle for this crap!”
He finally let go of my shoulders and I moved quickly to leave. I didn’t care how it looked anymore, or if I appeared weak. Right now, I was—and I needed to get away from here and Charlie and the harsh reality I’d avoided until now.
Then he was in my path. “You could have so much more and yet you accepted this? Why? Every other aspect of your life you live to the fullest, but then with him you take everything that you are and try and squeeze it into the little box so that you blend. Some people aren't meant to follow the crowd, they're born to lead it.”
“That's all fine and dandy but, in case you forgot, I'm. Dead. So what crowd am I leading now?” I went to move around him, in the direction of the car, but he stepped in front of me. “You know what I want , right now? For you to get the fuck out of my way.” I was on complete information overload as I watched him standing before me. There was a glimmer in his eye. I was about to lose it on a level I'd never done in my life and I got the distinct impression he was happy about it.
“You want to know why I stayed? Because I wanted it to work. Because it should’ve worked. Charlie was perfect for me in every way and yet, just like every other guy I ever dated, something didn’t click and I was tired of it. I was too this or too that. So I tried to become what I thought he wanted. Is that what you want to know? I was tired. I. Gave. Up.”
Somehow, whatever I said in my frustration finally calmed him down and he stepped aside.
“You're a real sicko,” I said to him as I headed to the car. He stayed behind a few minutes before he followed, as if acknowledging that I might need some space.
I’d avoided the truth when I was alive and now that I was dead and it was too late, I couldn’t escape it anymore. I felt myself wondering who she was, what was so special about her, what could she give him that I hadn't; but I stopped myself. It didn't matter. I wasn’t even human anymore, what purpose did it serve?
The driver's side door shut and the engine revved to life. He wasn't saying anything at all now and I was grateful.
Neither of us spoke until we got back to the house and were walking through the kitchen.
“You look like you could use a drink.”
I nodded. He was absolutely correct. I took the glass he handed me and threw it back in one gulp, which I had to struggle to keep down.
He refilled it for me. “If it helps, I do think he cared for you.”