The breeze off the ocean cut up what would have otherwise been a hotter than hell night in the South. Lars sat on Fate’s deck, rifle in his lap and a keen eye searching the distance for signs of trouble. He didn’t have to be here. He’d helped Fate ward his place well enough that Malokin wouldn’t be able to get close but it was an easy excuse to get out of dinner tonight. Faith was there, and he needed some time to himself to figure out what was going on in his head when it came to her.
The house was quiet but he could feel the energy of their unsettled life forces inside. They called to him like a siren’s song that only someone who was intimately acquainted with death could hear. The humans he saw were worse. Still covered in their shells, he could catch the occasional scent of fear and confusion carried on the breeze when they passed too closely to the house.
They couldn’t understand why people were becoming angry and it frightened them. It was a strange scent that was achingly familiar to the smell that preluded death and made him tense for want of action. It was useless to fight the urge so he let the waves of it flow over him like a pain he couldn’t stop.
It was that constant lure from unsettled souls that had finally pushed him over the edge and made him try anything, including Larissa’s witchcraft, in order to quit. He’d thought that this urge would go away when he finally did. It hadn’t. Even his closest friends had no idea how sometimes he longed to steal the spark that made people go on.
As he leaned back in his chair he noticed that it felt like the urges might have lessened a tiny bit. Nothing significant enough to know for sure, but it felt like the desire to take a soul wasn’t quite as strong.
Lars heard Karma’s footsteps from within and gave up on the idea of any peace.
Lars looked over at her, hoping she’d simply poke her head out on the deck, wave, and leave him be. She came outside took the seat beside him instead.
“How are you?” he asked, even though he didn’t actually care at the moment.
His eyes scanned her, searching for some visible display of her messed up psyche. He knew she was an emotional mess right now. He had to give her props, though. She looked like she was holding it together, if a little bit ragtag.
“I’m fine,” she replied.
He nodded. He did like Karma. She wasn’t the type to carry on and whine to everyone in her vicinity. He knew she was going through some shit of her own but she’d suffer in silence.
“Live long enough and bad shit tends to happen. More often than usual with you, but it’s unavoidable.” He smiled, thinking of how she did tend to be a lightning rod for the crap. “Take enough steps and sooner or later one of them is going to be in dog shit.”
“I guess I’m lucky like that,” she said, her sarcastic nature leaking out as she looked down the beach at a few stragglers but not much else. “Quiet tonight.”
“Enjoy it. We might not get too many more of these.” He crossed his ankles where they rested on the railing, the heavy boots making a thudding noise in the quiet of the night as he repositioned them.
She buffed her nails on the pajama shorts she was wearing and he thought the talk was finally over. Maybe she’d go inside and he could finally get the quiet he’d been searching for.
“I wasn’t going to ask, but since the world’s going to shit and I’m at a lack for more appropriate small talk—”
“Figured he’d tell you about her,” Lars interrupted, thinking he should’ve known better than to imagine she’d leave him in peace. These guys were worse than high schoolers with their goddamn gossip.
“Yes.”
If she was going to insist on talking, he might as well make some use of it. “You can’t kill her and add her to your bucket list.”
“I can’t believe you’re sleeping with one of Malokin’s people. If you haven’t noticed, we’re at war with him. What are you thinking?”
“She’s not with him,” Lars’s voice was firm and more than a little defensive. No one actually knew he’d slept with Faith but they knew him. It wasn’t a stretch. His hand ran through his black hair as he sighed. It took a full minute before he spoke again, less decisive this time. “At least I don’t think she is. Talking about fucked up relationships, how’s yours?” If she wanted to delve into his crap situation, let’s see how she liked it.
“I don’t have a relationship.”
“Sure you don’t. You two walk around saying nothing about anything and pretend it’s completely normal. Worry about your own issues.”
He resettled the rifle in his lap as she stared at the chips in her nail polish in the heavy silence.
“We’re both screwed up. But your situation is still worse,” she said.
He turned his head toward her and raised his eyebrows. She had to be kidding. “Care to debate that?”
She broke eye contact to stare down at her nails again. “I won’t talk about yours, if you don’t talk about mine.”
“Done. That was significantly easier than I had imagined.” In his head, he’d thought he might have to actually get up and leave before he got her to shut up about the situation.
Then he remembered the tattoo he’d given her. Fate had asked him to check on it. Apparently it was causing her some pain. He waved a finger toward Karma’s hip. “On to other subjects, I’m supposed to take a peek at that.”
“Sure.” She kicked her feet up on the railing beside his, clearly not in any rush.
“I’m not going to see anything wrong with the tattoo, am I?” he asked as neither of them made an effort toward show and tell. He knew whatever was going wrong with it had nothing to do with what he’d done. It was what had come after.
“Nope.”
“Care to share what the issue is?”
“Nope.”
“Understood.”
She stood and stretched out her arms with a yawn. “It’s been nice chatting with you, Lars. Sort of, anyway.”
“Back at ya, babe,” he said, using the top of the gun to salute her.
And just when he thought he was going to finally get his peace, Cutty called and told him about the events at dinner.
Chapter 28
Faith was asleep on the couch, not the bed, when he got home. That was the first sign that Cinderella had left the building. He’d crashed on his bed for the first time in a while, for all the good it did him.
When he woke in the morning, he thought about going right down to the shop. He wasn’t sure how that idea had morphed into cooking her eggs.
He heard her rise and looked over just as she disappeared into the bathroom without saying anything. By the time she finally came back out, the eggs he’d plated for her had gone cold.
“Want me to heat those up for you?” he asked.
“No, they’re fine. You’ve done plenty.” Her back was stiffer than her tone as she sat opposite him at the table.
He watched as she toyed with her food and he wondered if he should go stay at Cutty’s. This was getting uncomfortable and reminded him of the exact reason he didn’t have relationships. Why torture himself like this? He couldn’t sleep with her and he couldn’t bring another girl home with her here.
Who was he kidding? He didn’t want another girl. He wanted Faith, but he pushed that thought aside. He wasn’t going there again, and this wasn’t tolerable. He longed for the fake pleasantries of yesterday.
“We need to talk,” he finally said, when it was clear she wasn’t going to be the one starting any kind of chitchat between them.
“What?” She didn’t sound overjoyed, but at least she wasn’t outright shutting him down. Her hand went to Arthur’s ring, hanging on the string around her neck, a telltale sign she was unsettled, as if seeking out her last connection to him for support.
“I…” He faltered in the new territory.