“He’s my aspire. You’re keeping us apart.”
“I’m allowed to protect you from everything that can harm you now. I could never do that in your previous lifetimes as a human. This is a much better position to be in. I don’t have to watch you die and do nothing.”
“Reed won’t hurt me.”
“He’ll destroy you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“He doesn’t know who you are. He doesn’t understand you.”
“He understands me fine.”
“His only goal is to protect you.”
“Why is that so wrong?”
“You’re here to change things, Evie. It’s not about you, it’s about what you’ve become—a half-angel. There has never been your like in all of history. You’re changing the world. You’re the wave that will crush our enemies.”
“Why must I be a crusher? Why can’t I be a uniter?”
“You fight evil. It’s what you do. It’s why you’ve always been chosen. Do you think Emil deserves to live?”
“No.” I mutter. He has a point. Emil cannot be allowed to live.
Xavier’s lips twitch in a suppressed smile. “You’ve always been an excellent crusher. You crushed Kimberly Cline. I distinctly remember you making her cry,” he teases me.
I make a face. “She told everyone that she was going to get you to break up with me junior year.”
“Yes, and you told people I said that she had bad breath.”
“She did have bad breath.”
“True, but I never said that.”
“You thought it. Anyway, you did end up breaking up with me senior year.” Why does that still hurt so much? It makes no sense.
Xavier sees it. I can hide nothing from him. He sets down his wine glass. “I didn’t want to hurt you, but I had to put some distance between us.”
“It’s fine—”
“No. Let me finish!” he growls.
I look at him. “Go on.”
“You were…such a temptation for me. We weren’t engaging in just kissing anymore, like we had been sophomore year. I was supposed to be protecting you, but I was becoming your direst threat. You were so fragile. I couldn’t touch you without hurting you, not the way I was feeling about you. I wanted you. You had been the love of my life for centuries.”
“I thought there was something wrong with me,” I admit.
“There was something wrong with you! You had the body of a sixteen-year-old girl and the ancient soul of my love. There was clearly something wrong with that.”
“Your body looked about the same age as mine.”
“Looks are so deceiving, aren’t they, Evie?”
“They are. With a look, you made me believe you found me repulsive. I thought you didn’t want me at all.”
“You held all the power and you didn’t even know it. And so what if I had been a stupid boy and not an angel and I had thought that? It would mean that I was a fool, not you! But you know now what I am and that I love you—have always loved you. I wanted you then, but it’s nothing compared to how much I want you now.”
“It’s too late,” I whisper.
“It’s never too late. Not for us! Not for where we’ve been.”
“Where have we been, Xavier? I want to understand. I do. I need you to stop talking in riddles and explain where we’ve been. What do you remember about our last lifetime together?”
“I pushed you too hard and it all fell apart,” he says in a quiet tone.
“What do you mean?”
“I should have gotten you out of France earlier. I could’ve, you know? I could’ve saved you from him—from Emil—but you were such an ace! You had the potential to end him before he harmed anyone else. You just needed to find yourself in Simone. So I left you in the game, but I left you too long.”
The air around me is suddenly haunted by Emil’s scent—it’s the fragrance of his hair tonic. It’s scent memory from Simone’s lifetime. I put down my fork and pick up my wine glass, taking a sip to allow the taste of the red to expunge the odor of my tormentor.
“Why would you do that to me, if you loved me?” My hand shakes, causing my wine to weep rosy tears on the inside of the glass. I set it down.
“I sometimes expect perfection from you. You rarely give me anything less than it.”
“But this time I was less than perfect?”
“I...don’t know. I can’t remember my last hours there. I know I was supposed to meet you at the bridge. I know I was there early. I remember checking my watch, waiting.”
“What would’ve happened at the bridge had everything gone to plan?”
“You would’ve reported Emil’s new location to the allies. They would’ve had the information and I would’ve seen you safely away. The goal was to undermine Emil. Human soldiers would’ve hunted him down for his war crimes. I would’ve followed you at a safe distance for the rest of your life, watching over you.”