“How am I supposed to find him?”
“I’ll find him.”
I shiver. “Why does he have to die? He could’ve so easily been me. There was a time when I thought that I was an evil demon half-breed, X,” I whisper my confession, looking at my hands in my lap before glancing at him.
Sadness shows in his eyes. “How could you think that, Evie? There’s nothing evil about you.”
I force a shrug as I say in a small voice, “I just did.”
With quiet rage, Xavier says, “If I’d been here, you’d never have thought that. Not for one moment.”
“But you weren’t here—it was Reed who helped me see who I am. He’s been here for me. I can’t let you close again. It’s too late.”
“I’m not letting you go.” Xavier’s gravelly voice bleeds with despair. “I’ll challenge him for you.”
I find it hard to breathe as I warn, “Xavier, if you hurt Reed, I’ll kill you.”
“You’re the one who’ll hurt him if you don’t let him go. You’re in a brutal world here, Evie, and he can’t dig you out of it. It’ll bury him. YOU will bury him. You’ve built this family around you that you can’t possibly protect. When the spawn finds them, and he will, he’ll use them against you. Why do you think Russell was supposed to die? He would’ve been a liability to you as a human. You wanted it that way—you insisted that he be taken out of this mission early—so that he wouldn’t suffer—so there’d be no chance of his damnation.”
“Why didn’t I just insist he stay in Heaven?”
“He was bent on coming when he learned you accepted a mission.”
“So Russell was always supposed to die and go back to Anya? He was never supposed to be a part of this?”
“He and Anya were allowed to be together because of the deal you made—the deal you would never fully explain to any of us. You pushed your soul mate away. You had them cut the tie that bound you to him. I thought you did it solely for me, but now I believe you did it for this mission. You only told us pieces of what you have to do, but never the goal of the mission—that you said you were prohibited from discussing. You were adamant that Russell was to leave this life when you began to evolve angelic abilities. You wanted all ties to your soul mate to be severed from you. I think you did it to protect him, a just-in-case measure.”
“In case of what?”
“In case you fall from grace.”
I blanch. “You mean, in case my soul becomes the property of Sheol?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.” I feel nauseated.
“It’s not even a possibility, Evie. I’ve been with you in your lifetimes. They’ll never turn you. You’ll destroy them.”
“What else do you know?”
“After you made this deal to return for another life, Russell and Anya fell in love with one another. They’ve been together since just after your return from being Simone in France.”
“Were they happy together?”
“They seemed to be, but he still felt an obligation to you. He insisted upon joining you for this mission. Not that he had much of a choice. Heaven requires soul mates to have a chance to meet one another in a lifetime. He had to return with you, but he didn’t have to stay. Your soul mate was separated from Anya when he was born as Russell. You followed him here soon after. Your evolution into Angel started the countdown for his death. He would’ve died some other way if not on the floor of the 7-Eleven to be with her.”
Guilt makes my throat feel tight. “But Heaven was telling me to save him in my dreams.”
“They were presenting you with the option.”
My stomach clenches. “Why did they change the plan and take you away from me?”
“I can only speculate. I was not allowed to know the mission other than that I was assigned to protect you as your guardian, like I always am. When I was taken from you, I know that without me to advise you otherwise, you clung to Russell. You made the choice to keep him—to change him—to make him like you. Heaven didn’t break their promise to you not to let him stay here...you let them out of it.”
I nearly push the door from the hinges as I fling it open in my attempt to get away from what he’s telling me. Exiting the car, Xavier rounds the hood and is in front of me in a moment. He pulls off his shirt, his muscles flex as they come into sight. Scarlet-colored wings punch their way from his back. I glance beyond him to Reed who already has his shirt off as his dark gray wings match the aggressive expanse of Xavier’s.
Xavier grasps me by my upper arms, forcing me to look at him again. “You have to come with me now, before you get them all killed.”