I turned away and slipped outside.
Putting my hands in my jacket pocket, I began walking down the driveway, not really knowing where I was going. In the distance at the edge of the fields, I saw the barn silhouetted against the navy blue of the evening sky, orange light glimmering through the cracks in the wood. Autumn would be in there now, curled around her precious egg, two more lives that were depending on us. I wanted Autumn’s baby to be the first US dragon who would hatch and grow up away from Talon, who wouldn’t know the organization at all, who wouldn’t have to fear what they would do if he or she didn’t meet their expectations. I wanted my hatchlings to be free, to not know war and death and suffering. That’s why I’d taken the hits for them in the past, why I worked so hard to be a pain in Talon’s ass—so Talon would concentrate on me and leave my underground alone. But now…
I stopped in the middle of the driveway, feeling the truth start to claw its way out of my head, unwilling to stay buried. I couldn’t protect them any longer. Everyone here would be drawn into the final battle with Talon and, win or lose, the casualties were going to be tremendous.
“Dammit,” I whispered, closing my eyes. “Is this what we really have to do? Do we all have to die so the rest of the world can be safe?”
“Cobalt.”
I turned. Mist stood a few yards behind me, pale and almost glowing under the light of the moon, her silver hair falling down her back. She regarded me solemnly, the echo of a silver-white dragon watching me from the center of the drive, and my heartbeat picked up in return.
“What do you want, Mist?”
She tilted her head, and the echo of the silver dragon became even stronger, watching me curiously across the gravel. “I don’t really know,” she said, walking forward. “I can’t figure you out, Cobalt. You were a Basilisk. You worked for Talon. We’ve been trained to see everything, everyone, as tools. When did that change?”
I shrugged. “I got tired of it,” I said. “I got tired of the casualties, being expected to turn a blind eye to what I was doing. I got tired of being used for Talon’s dirty work, and seeing people suffer because of me. I guess somewhere along the way I grew a conscience.”
“That seems very human.”
“Maybe.” I looked behind her at the house, where lights glowed through the windows and the echo of laughter reached me over the wind. “Or maybe we’re not that different. Maybe that’s something Talon has tried to extinguish, because if we let ourselves care for anything, eventually we realize how soulless the organization really is. Or maybe, over the generations, we really have become more human.” I remembered the words of a certain red hatchling when she faced me in the shadows of the barn, her eyes bright with very human tears. Dragons can love. We are quite capable of every emotion the organization has tried to stamp out. “I don’t know what happened to me,” I said with a shrug. “I can see why Talon doesn’t want us to have attachments—they’re messy and complicated and painful as hell when you lose them. But I’ll take that over what Talon wanted me to become. Ruthless. Someone who didn’t care if their enemies or allies died, if it benefitted the organization. I just couldn’t do that anymore.”
“And what about me?” Mist asked.
The question was so unexpected that I didn’t understand it for a moment. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…” She crossed her arms and looked away, frowning. If I didn’t know better, I would say she was almost…embarrassed. “You said that you don’t want any of your allies to die. Does that include a Basilisk who is only here because she was ordered to help you? Or a former enemy who had every intention of killing you in the past?”
“Mist…” I gazed at her in sudden understanding. “We’ve both done horrible things for Talon,” I said softly. “Ember doesn’t really get it. Neither does St. George, or any of the hatchlings. Sure, they know I used to be a Basilisk, but none of them really understands what that means. What I used to do.” I thought back to those long years I worked for the organization. The missions that required me to destroy lives, careers and dreams, all in the name of profit for Talon. “Wes is probably the only one who knows about my past,” I went on, “but there are things I haven’t told even him, things only another Basilisk would understand. You’re an exceptional agent, Mist,” I said. “And I can see why the Archivist chose you. But you’re still young. There’s no mission you’ve completed for Talon that I haven’t done several times over.
“So, to answer your question…yeah, it would bother me.” I caught her gaze as I said this, looking her in the eye. “You might’ve been an enemy in the past, but hell, so was St. George. And Martin. And all the soldiers here, come to think of it. Believe me, I won’t shed a tear if any Order fanatics go and bite the dust, but that’s one less warm body that can hold a gun for our side, so I won’t be dancing in the streets, either.”
“Hmm. Well, it’s nice to know I’m in the same boat as the soldiers of St. George.”
“It’s different with you.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, making her cock her head. “You’re one of us, but even more than that, you’re a damn good agent who is probably my equal in everything that matters. You kept your word when you helped us escape Talon. You were essential in getting us to the facility. And I wouldn’t have trusted just anyone to lead the dragonells to safety. Even when you’re driving me nuts, pulling shady shit and never giving me the whole story, I know that you’ll come through for us in the end. If you died…” For some reason, that made my stomach churn a little, and I shook my head. “You’re not in the same boat as the soldiers, I can tell you that.”
She sighed. “Sometimes, I do hate you, Cobalt.”
Stunned at the abrupt change of heart, I blinked at her. “O…kay,” I stammered, utterly confused. “That came out of nowhere. Why?”
“Because I knew who I was before I met you.” She shifted to stare at a point over the distant hills. “I was what Talon required, a Basilisk who didn’t need to know the whys of my missions, I just needed to complete them. No questions, no doubts. Now…” She shook her head. “Now, I have no idea who I am, or what I’m supposed to do when this is all over. You’re making me question everything, and I hate it, because it’s something I can’t seem to control.”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Sucks, doesn’t it? Welcome to my world. That’s what happens when you grow a conscience.”
“No.” She took a short breath, regaining a little of her composure. “It’s more than that. It’s…you, Cobalt. For some reason, my distaste of you has grown tremendously.”
My brows arched. “Oh?”
“Yes.” Mist crossed her arms, still not looking at me. “You are constantly on my mind lately,” she said. “I cannot think when you and I are in the same room. Your presence haunts me even when you are out of sight. It is irritating, and I don’t know how to stop it.” She gave a short huff and glanced at me, defiant. “Do you have any suggestions, since you seem to be more adept at these kind of things?”
I swallowed the sudden dryness in my throat. No, I thought furiously. I don’t want this. I’ve already been through enough with Ember. This can’t be happening to me again.