Which left obeying Meuric’s orders my only choice. I hated him.
“I saw the way you danced together.” Li’s voice was dark as dusk. “He was so upset when I suggested he might be taking advantage of your na?veté, but if he does that with you in public, what are we supposed to assume happens in private?”
Just like he’d feared they would think. I kept my face down, as if that would hide my secret longings. “He wouldn’t hurt me.” She wouldn’t believe me no matter how many times I said it, but if I stopped, she’d think she won.
Li gave a hoarse laugh. “I think he’d do anything to gain your trust. You don’t know him. Not the way everyone else does. He focuses on what he wants—in this case, someone who practically worships him—and doesn’t let anything get in his way.”
The house was cold as we reached the top of the stairs, and Meuric started toward Sam’s bedroom. As much as I tried, I couldn’t forget the other night, when I’d helped Sam up to his room and had to kick aside books so neither of us tripped. Books that had been gone in the morning. There’d been so many. Had they all been about dragons and sylph?
“Watch her,” Meuric said, and flicked on lights until the entire upstairs was blinding bright. He rummaged around Sam’s belongings while I waited with my back against the balcony rail. Li guarded me.
“Why are you doing this?” I flinched away, but she didn’t hit me. She wouldn’t with Meuric in the next room. “You didn’t want me before. Why now?”
“You’re my daughter.” Li flashed a benevolent smile. “And you’ve been living with a man you know nothing about. I was under the impression you’d be on your own, and I thought you could handle that. But Dossam isn’t safe for you.”
“You gave me a broken compass. Sam pulled me out of Rangedge Lake.”
“The compass worked when I tested it. I can’t help if you broke it.” She shrugged. “At any rate, it’s come to my attention that your education has been neglected, and I’ve been given good incentive to rectify that.”
What did that mean? Someone had bribed her? It must have been for something good, if she’d agreed to endure my presence again.
She went on. “I didn’t do a good enough job teaching you before, and Sam’s idea of educating you seems to be— Well, you need to know more than music and dancing and whatever else he’s been doing to you.”
“We haven’t done anything.”
“After what I saw earlier? I doubt that.”
I grasped at anything, any accusation. “You followed me home the other night.”
She scoffed. “I have better things to do. What makes you think it wasn’t one of Sam’s tricks? It could have been a friend of his, trying to scare you so you’d trust Sam more. That Stef. They’re always so close.” Her voice lowered. “You should hear about the things they’ve done together.”
“It was you. I know it.”
Meuric emerged from the bedroom, a stack of books in his arms. “I’ve found the missing diaries. It seems you were right about Sam. He’s been studying everything he can about little Ana.”
I clenched my jaw; he was just as little as me. “So what? It doesn’t prove anything.” Except that he’d lied. Maybe lied. Avoided the truth, anyway. Omitted important information. Wasn’t that just as bad?
Meuric gave a long sigh. “Remind me why you’re scraped up.”
“Li attacked us on the way home.” My whole body trembled. I needed to run, needed to get free. I had to find Sam and ask why he’d been researching Li and Menehem, and why he hadn’t told me.
“Someone attacked you, clearly, but it wasn’t me.” She shook her head, as though I should be ashamed for thinking badly of her. “What is that, Meuric? This one isn’t a diary.” She plucked a book from the middle of the stack, not fast enough to keep those on top of it from falling. A dozen books thumped on the floor.
“Oh, that’s worrying.” Meuric squinted as Li turned pages. “There were more books in there. Hang on.” He went back into Sam’s room while Li kept flipping through whatever had caught her attention.
I squatted by the pile of books, my knife jabbing a bruise on my stomach when I moved. I suffered the pain; if I drew attention to the weapon, Li would take it away.