I read until the stairs creaked and Sine sat next to me. “Find anything?”
“Nothing quite like reading about how your parents barely cared whether the other existed.” I forced a smile. “The Council gave them permission to have a child, so they started planning it. Apparently Menehem calculated everything, because this was years before I was born.”
Sine snorted. “Yes, that sounds like him.”
“Anyway, he seemed more interested in a project for work, but there aren’t any details. I may have to look into his science journals.” I shrugged and tried to pretend I hadn’t expected anything more. “What about you?”
“Many of Li’s personal journals are gone, but if you found Menehem’s on the console, you’ll probably find hers as well.”
I sat back in my chair, arms crossed. If someone had been trying to keep me from looking into my origins, they’d have been more thorough. But if someone wasn’t trying to stop me, they were researching me.
That was an unsettling thought. Everyone else already knew more about me than I did.
“Goodness, it’s late.” Sine slyly checked the time. “I’d better head out.”
I managed something resembling a laugh. “Sam could use some lessons in subtlety from you.”
“Oh, I know. Don’t you think I’ve tried? Unfortunately, I think I’m too subtle about it.” She winked and grinned. “We can resume this research tomorrow, if you like. It’s a new direction from endless philosophy.”
“I agree. Thanks.” I switched off the electronics as we headed downstairs. Before I lost my nerve, I said, “Let’s say I have a friend who hasn’t been sleeping well.”
Sine hmm-ed. “I’ll pretend I don’t know you’re talking about Sam. Go on.”
“I’m worried about him. The only times he seems like himself are during music lessons and practice. He groans in his sleep half the night.” Once I’d gotten up to check on him, but as soon as I stopped by his door, the light flicked on and he shuffled into the washroom. I’d waited, but he didn’t emerge.
At least he’d stopped sneaking out every night, but I suspected it had more to do with how wretched he felt, and not . . . why he’d been sneaking to begin with.
Sine cocked her head as we stepped outside to the library. “And you want to know how to fix it?”
“I want to”—I wrapped my scarf around my neck and frowned into the darkness—“do something. Help him. He helped me.”
Her smile turned wistful. “He’ll sort it out eventually. Focus on your studies. He wouldn’t want you so distracted, especially with your first progress report coming up next week.”
Progress reports were the last thing I wanted to worry about. “What happened to him? Something with dragons?”
“Ana, if you don’t want to ask him, check his diaries. See how they end.” Her tone stayed flat, as much of a warning as I’d get from her. She always tried to be nice, but I’d upset her now.
I twisted my flashlight until a beam shot out, illuminating cobblestones as the library door shut. “I’m going to help him. Somehow. Anyone who thinks a progress report is more important can lick the bottom of my shoe. After my turn cleaning the pig rSine made a face. “You’re learning that from Stef, aren’t you?”
“I’ve gone along with the Council’s demands.” My breath misted on the chill air. “I like learning things. I probably would have asked, regardless of the Council’s instructions. But I’m just one nosoul. The only one. What does it matter to you if I know the best time for growing rice? What is the Council so afraid I’ll do if you don’t keep me busy?”
She just stared at me, wrapped in the armor of her coat and hood. “Curfew. Better hurry.”
Blinking away tears of frustration, which threatened to freeze on my eyelashes, I spun toward South Avenue and walked as quickly as I could. There was a shorter way Sam sometimes took us, but it involved more turns on unfamiliar roads, by unfamiliar houses.
Maybe I shouldn’t have been so harsh to Sine, but now that I considered my own words, it was a good question. Were they afraid of me?
I tried to imagine what Sam would say, were he in a mood to talk. The people of Heart had been . . . how they were . . . for five thousand years. They knew one another, and could more or less predict what everyone would do in certain situations. But I was a new thing. Unknown. I’d been tucked away for eighteen years, and they hadn’t had to think about me, but now I was back, filled up with my own thoughts and opinions.
What would I do?
Right now, I just wanted to help Sam. And, come masquerade day, I wanted to be invisible. Just a few hours of no one knowing me, judging me, and waiting to see if I would destroy everything.