In the Arms of Stone Angels

chapter Nine


“Are you Joe Sunne?”

The man didn’t answer. He didn’t even move. Or blink.

“My name’s Brenna Nash.”

“I know who you are.”

The sudden sound of his deep gravelly voice grabbed me. It reminded me that I was alone with this strange man in the middle of nowhere—and that I had intruded on him. And the awkward silence that followed made our meeting even harder. All I wanted to do was get in my car and drive away…real fast.

If the guy meant to mess with my head, then mission accomplished.

“You do?” I shrugged and stuffed my hands in my jeans. “How do you know who I am?”

“Why are you here?” His lips barely moved.

And with Joe Sunne ignoring my question, he was sending me a clear message that he was in control. And as long as he tolerated me, he wouldn’t kick me off his place—for now. His question had been direct. And I had to admit that my brain scrambled for a lie.

Lies came automatically, especially when talking to strangers. But something in the man’s eyes made me rethink my normal reaction. It was like he was testing me. And one of his superpowers was a hypertweaked bullshit detector.

“I’m a friend of White Bird. And I came for your help.”

For the first time, the man showed signs of being human. He blinked. Once. And for an instant, his stern expression softened. I had him right where I wanted him.

“I can’t help you.”

I had been very deliberate in my wording. Since the man hadn’t asked who White Bird was, that told me he knew him. Score one for me.

“With all due respect, sir, I think you’re underestimating your potential.”

I surprised even me. I kept a straight face and fixed my eyes on his. That’s how I saw it. He actually flinched with a weird smile. Score two for the visiting team.

“Is that so?” Straightening his chair, he sat up and planted his boots on the porch with his hands on his knees. “Then you better tell me how I can help, ’cause I ain’t seein’ it.”

When I leaned against the Subaru, a cool breeze blew by me. It made me shiver. As I crossed my arms, I saw a drape move in the house, like the wind had blown it.

Only it wasn’t the wind.

A woman’s face peered at me from behind the glass. Her blanched white skin glowed from the shadows. And her haunted eyes were nothing more than dark circles. She stared at me before she faded into the darkness. The moment happened so quickly that I thought I had imagined it.

But I hadn’t.

“You live here with family?” I turned toward him.

“No one lives here but me. Unless you work for the census, that’s none of your business. I think you should go.”

I cleared my throat and caught a glimpse of the window again. No one was there. Not now, but tell that to the goose bumps on my skin. Joe was sharing his digs with some dead woman and I wondered if he knew that, but not bad enough to ask.

“I need to know what White Bird was up to the week before he was arrested,” I said, getting back to the reason I had come. “He was behaving strange. He had something secret going on and I have to know what that was.”

“I still don’t see how I can help you. Why come to me?”

He stood and hitched a leg up on the wooden railing of his porch. The man was muscular and lean with broad shoulders. And he was taller than I expected. The word intimidating came to mind. He had a real poker face, but since he wasn’t asking me questions, I figured he knew a lot more than he was letting on. Although I had no doubt that I was on the right track, Joe Sunne could still derail me.

“I read in an old newspaper that White Bird stole tools from you, that the police found his fingerprints here.”

“So?”

“Well, you’re not exactly Home Depot. And your place isn’t on the main drag of town. How did he know to come here?”

“You should ask him.”

“I can’t. In case you haven’t heard, he’s locked away in a mental hospital. And he hasn’t spoken a word since that crappy day.” I heard the anger in my voice. The man didn’t give a shit and it showed. “I need to know why he came here. What’s your connection?”

The sun had slid below the horizon and steep shadows swallowed what was left of the light. I felt like my time was running out—in more ways than one—and a bad case of the jitters hit me hard. I didn’t want to be caught out here in the dark with this man.

“Like I said, I can’t help you.”

“Or won’t?” I argued. I felt the heat rise to my face, like how my arguments started with Mom. “You know, I have no idea why White Bird wanted to be part of your stupid tribe. He’s better than all of you.”

I felt it happening. My mouth had taken over and I couldn’t stop.

“All he wanted was to belong somewhere…anywhere. But no one from your tribe accepted him. What would it hurt to let him feel a part of something? His parents were dead. He had no one who cared about him. I don’t understand any of this.”

“He had you.”

“Well, he deserved better.”

I wanted to cry. I dragged fingers through my short hair and swatted the bugs flying around my face, fighting back the lump in my throat. I paced the ground around my car, taking deep breaths. I had flared out of control in front of this stranger.

In a weird way, it felt liberating. And I wasn’t done.

“I don’t know why he chose your tribe, mister. Maybe if you’d given him some of your precious time, none of this would’ve happened. He’s not a throwaway kid, you know. He deserves better than you…and me.”

I didn’t wait to hear anything the man had to say. I didn’t care anymore. I jumped into the Subaru and hit the gas. And I kicked up dust and gravel on my way out, not caring if I dinged Mom’s car. All my frustration welled up inside me and it felt like I was suffocating, but none of this was about me anymore.

I’d been so focused on how everything that had happened affected me, that until I got back to Shawano, I’d almost forgotten about White Bird. Even though I didn’t always show my appreciation, I had my mother along for my never-ending roller-coaster ride. But White Bird was the one suffering alone, stuck in a mental hospital.

I guess I had high hopes that Joe Sunne would care. He was a tribal elder and a healer, too. Even if White Bird killed Heather, didn’t anyone else want to know why? What motive did he have to do such a thing? And what had he kept secret on the days before Heather’s death? I had to have answers, but after my one-sided conversation with Joe Sunne, I was more in the dark than ever—literally.

Once again, I’d let White Bird down. And I had no idea where I’d go from here…except to pick up a pizza that I wouldn’t feel like eating.

The Next Morning

I had tossed and turned all night. And when I finally did get to sleep, White Bird filled my dreams. In the two years since I’d left Oklahoma, I had thought of him, but not like this. Ever since I’d first seen him at the hospital and touched him, my dreams now were much more intense, as if he was really with me and we were linked somehow. When I imagined him kissing me, I felt his lips on mine. And when he playfully tapped my nose to tease me, I felt the nudge even in the dark of my room.

But my dreams of him always turned darker.

In the early-morning hours, he would beg for my help with such urgency that I would wake up gasping and crying. I swear to God, I even had red marks on my arm from where he reached for me. Those nightmares were so vivid and powerful that I had no idea if I was losing my mind or if he was really with me.

And not knowing the difference was the worst part.

Time felt like it was running out. If I were going crazy, I was scared Mom would notice. And once my secret was out, there’d be no turning back. She’d line up more therapists, like she did before, and she’d expect me to actually talk to them. I didn’t want to go through that again.

I had set my alarm to go off early. Mom had painters coming today. I rolled out of bed exhausted and trudged to my bathroom. When I looked in the mirror, I had a terminal case of bed head and I noticed dark circles under my eyes. I didn’t recognize my own face. I looked like a stranger. Staring at my reflection, I searched for the parts in me that had changed. Did schizophrenia make you look different? I made weird faces in the mirror, practicing my crazed psycho look.

After I scared myself, I hit the shower.

Afternoon

Mom had an army of painters working the inside and outside of Grams’s house. The outside guys were prepping the wood and scraping stuff. They’d do the painting tomorrow, but the inside guys were hard at work. I stayed outdoors to avoid the fumes in the house and planted the rest of the flowers Mom had bought. When I was done, she found me in the backyard.

“You’ve been working really hard, Bren. You wanna go to the movies?”

“You mean, with you?” I said it like she’d insulted me, but Mom didn’t notice.

“No. These guys are almost done. I’ve got to stick around until they leave, but you can go. The matinees start soon.”

“Can I have the car?”

“Wish you could, but no. I’ve got to pick up groceries. I called the movie theater near the interstate. It’s the closest one. You should be able to ride your bike there, right?”

She handed me a list of the movies and times that she’d written down. I looked at the list like I was interested. With Mom thinking I was at the movies, I could be gone for hours without her expecting me home. And the theater was on the way out to Red Cliffs. As long as I was home by dinner, I’d be golden. Even if I was late, I could blame it on the bike and guilt her into giving me the car next time. Perfect!

I shrugged. “Yeah, okay. I’ll clean up.”

I pretended to look bored as I shed my garden gloves and headed for the house, but inside I was twisted into a nervous knot. I wasn’t scared about sneaking into the hospital again. I knew what to expect now.

The part that had me jumpy was seeing White Bird again.

I knew I had to do something. And although I wasn’t necessarily convinced he was sending me a message from wherever he was, I did feel sure of one thing. I couldn’t move on with my life unless I confronted my past by helping him.

White Bird might be the key to opening the door that could save both of us.

Red Cliffs Hospital

If I had gone to the movies, I would be sitting in the air-conditioned dark eating popcorn mixed with peanut M&M’s and drinking a big thing of Pepsi. Of course I would have been miserable, kicking myself for being a self-centered jerk who had picked a stupid movie over helping a friend. With White Bird quietly dying behind locked doors, nothing was more important than helping him. And I had an urgent feeling this would be my one big chance to turn things around for both of us.

I pushed up the last steep hill on my bike then coasted down to the driveway into Red Cliffs Hospital. After I secured my wheels, I hit a restroom inside to wash up. My T-shirt was soaked with sweat and I looked like shit, but that didn’t matter. Not today. I washed my face and put my dark glasses back on to cover my black eye. I didn’t have any big strategy for getting in. I figured I’d rinse and repeat.

Like I did last time, I watched the routine until I could make my move, only this time I couldn’t wait forever. Visiting hours would be over soon. I scribbled my name in the visitor’s log so no one could read it. And for the patient’s name that I was there to see, I again picked the name of someone who had visitors earlier in the day.

Once I got behind the locked door, I didn’t waste my time looking in the visitor’s area. White Bird had no one who would visit him. I went straight to the fenced-in gardens where the patients enjoyed the outdoors. And my pace picked up as I searched all the faces. For some reason, I felt this urgent need to find him…now. I went to where I saw him before, along the far fence, but he wasn’t there. And when I saw a nurse staring at me, I pretended not to notice and kept moving.

White Bird wasn’t anywhere. And a feeling of dread gripped me hard.

If he were locked in his room, I’d have to find another way in, but what if I couldn’t? I went back inside anyway and came face-to-face with the locked part of the ward. I faked like I was coming in and out of the visitor area, where other outsiders were, and I eyeballed the setup of the secured rooms.

And my frustration to find him was making me think of really stupid stuff to settle my nerves.

I could pretend to be a crazy person and get myself locked up, just like in the movies. That wouldn’t be a stretch. And White Bird would be so grateful I’d come to rescue him that he’d kiss me. And we’d make our big escape using my genius plan. Avril Lavigne would play me. Zac Efron could be White Bird. And the sound track would be from Kimya Dawson, whose songs always made me laugh and cry.

It would have been perfect, except life wasn’t a friggin’ movie. I headed back into the visitor’s area. I had no idea what I would do and needed time to think, but I’d never get that chance.

“You’re Isaac Henry’s friend, aren’t you?”

A man’s voice echoed down the hall and I heard his quickening footsteps behind me. I should have ducked outside and pretended not to hear him…or faked like I didn’t know the name Isaac Henry. But now that I’d flinched and stopped cold, I had to turn around. A tall slender man in a white doctor’s coat with grayish-blond hair had his eyes on me.

“Who?” I shook my head. “I think you’ve got the wrong person.”

“No, I don’t. I remember seeing you the last time you were here. Your hair is shorter, but it’s definitely you. My name’s Dr. Sam Ridgeway. Isaac Henry is my patient.”

He was White Bird’s doctor. And once again, I couldn’t hide my surprise. I had so many questions for this man that I ditched the idea of playing it safe. I might not get another chance to talk to him.

“You’re his doctor?”

“Yes, I am. And I have to tell you. When I saw the reaction he had with you on your last visit, it blew me away. I’ve tried everything and gotten nothing from him. But you? You got him to actually look at you. You have no idea how big that was, do you?”

I should have taken off my sunglasses, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready for this man to see me.

“Why is he like that? It’s like he’s…brain-dead.” I chewed the corner of my lip and winced. I’d forgotten about the cut.

“He’s catatonic. I believe he experienced something highly traumatic that made him that way. It’s like his mind can’t accept what happened. He’s not ready to face it. And if you’re a friend of his, you might have an idea what I’m talking about.”

Yeah, guess I had firsthand knowledge of what he was talking about.

“It’s not fair he’s locked up here. It’s like he’s doing the time for something he’s never been convicted of. Will he ever get better?”

“Before you came along, I might have told you something different. But you got a reaction from him and that’s why I was hoping you’d come back, so we could talk.” He took a deep breath and fixed his eyes on me. “I could use your help.”

“Me? What are you talking about?”

I felt my heart racing and the hospital corridor closed in. This man had kind eyes and he wanted to help White Bird, but something didn’t feel right about him. I couldn’t put my finger on why I was so anxious.

“I’d like to schedule time for you to visit with your friend, under my supervision, of course. You’d have to follow my instructions to the letter, but I think you’d make a difference in his treatment.”

“I don’t know.” I shook my head and my throat was suddenly dry.

“But you’re his friend. Don’t you want him to get better?”

“Yes, but…”

I knew what he was doing. I’d used his move before. The guy was using my guilt against me like a weapon. I was White Bird’s friend. Why wouldn’t I want to help? But I didn’t trust this man.

“If you want him to get better, I’m only asking for a little bit of your time. Is that too much to ask…for a friend?”

The jerk in the lab coat was trying too hard.

“No, it’s not. But I want time to think about it.”

“What’s there to think about? You’re his friend.”

“Yeah, mister. I get it. You don’t need to whack me over the head with your guilt hammer. You could let me see him. Why do you have to be there?”

“Because I’m his doctor.”

The way he said it—like him being a doctor trumped my friend status or aced any other job on the planet—turned me off. It was like arguing with Mom and her big comeback would be “because I’m your mother.” Big deal!

And he glared at me now. The kindness in his eyes that I had seen before was gone.

“Not good enough.” I raised my chin. “How about a show of good faith? Will you let me see him now…just for a little while?”

The man clenched his jaw and didn’t say anything. I knew he was mad, but I kept my mouth shut until he came back with an answer.

“No. I control who visits him. And if you won’t cooperate, then I’ll make sure you don’t see him again. I’ll alert security.” He had the nerve to hand me his business card. “Call me, but only if you’ll play by my rules.”

This guy made sure I knew he was White Bird’s gatekeeper and in control. And he was used to getting his way. I looked at his business card and gritted my teeth when I saw his big shot title. He was in charge of stuff and wasn’t just a doctor handling White Bird’s case.

And yeah, he had the authority to let me see White Bird if I changed my mind and played his game of intimidation, but I didn’t like him and I was too stubborn to give in. I didn’t say another word. I walked by him and headed back to the reception area.

And that made Dr. Ridgeway mad.

“Do you want to see him spend the rest of his life in an institution?” he called down the hall after me. “Because that’s what could happen if you don’t help him.”

Why was the guy trying so hard? If he really wanted to help his patient, he would have given in on letting me see him. He was the adult and the man in charge, but he’d resorted to playing hardball. And that made me wonder what he was up to.

I needed time to think. I left the hospital feeling more down than before. Not seeing White Bird—not even a glimpse of him—tore at me. But knowing that damned doctor would keep me from seeing him pissed me off. I didn’t think I could feel any worse until I looked up.

Mom was standing where I’d locked my bike. And she didn’t look happy.

“Oh, shit,” I mumbled and took a deep breath.

“I thought you were at the movies.” She crossed her arms, daring me to lie to her.

“Didn’t feel like it.” I crossed my arms, too. “Were you spying on me?”

Mom was seething. She glared at me, as mad as I’ve ever seen her. Accusing her of spying wasn’t my smartest move, especially considering that I’d proven she couldn’t trust me.

“You came to visit that boy, didn’t you?” She didn’t wait for me to answer. “Is this your first time here?”

I could have lied, but I didn’t.

“No. I had to see him, Mom. You don’t understand.”

“Put your bike in my car. We’re leaving. And when we get home, you’re going to explain why it’s so important for you to see him.”

She turned and didn’t wait for my usual drama. And without an audience, I had no choice but to get my bike and follow her. I didn’t know what I would say. Maybe it was time for the truth—whatever that was.



Mom didn’t say a word to me all the way home. It was the quiet before the storm and we both knew it.

My mind raced with all the things I could tell her, but nothing sounded right. A part of me wished we could just talk. I needed someone to listen and not judge me, but that definitely wasn’t my mother. Mothers always had an answer for everything. And it was never something a kid wanted to hear.

When we turned onto our street, I saw the painters were gone, but an old blue pickup truck was parked in front of Grams’s house. In the lengthening shadows of early evening, it took me a minute to recognize the man behind the wheel.

“Oh, hell.” I cursed under my breath and Mom heard me.

“Who’s that?” she asked. “You know that man? He’s parked in front of our house, Bren.”

I heaved a sigh and stared at the long-haired, dark-skinned man in the truck. Wearing a cowboy hat, he watched us with interest as we drove toward him. His dark eyes never wavered. And he intimidated me as much as he’d done the other night.

Joe Sunne had come to see me. And now I’d have to explain his visit to Mom, too. Joy!

“Yeah, I know him.” I turned toward her when she pulled into our driveway. “And I can explain everything, but I need to talk to him first. Give us a minute.”

“Oh, no, you’re not talking to that man without me. You have anything to say to him, you’ll do it in front of me.” Mom was done talking. She threw open her car door and got out.

“Oh, brother.” I rolled my eyes, but Mom was long gone.

She was heading for the old beat-up truck as Joe Sunne was getting out. Not knowing what brought the man to my door was bad enough, but what he’d say to me in front of my Mom made me sick with worry. As I walked toward the truck, heat rose to my face when I saw both of them staring at me.

I had a bad feeling that I was heading for another crap shower.