Dumping his backpack next to the desk, he ran his fingers through his hair, causing it to stick up in a messy, dark halo. He looked vulnerable when he collapsed into his chair, and I mourned the loss of the innocence my actions had stolen from him. I had done that to him, perhaps not directly, but through the mere act of knowing me, he’d lost a part of himself that made him the righteous man he was. The self-hatred, and weary creases around his eyes helped to solidify my plan to leave. I just had to wait for the right time to do it.
Following his lead, I settled into the chair in front of the desk and waited. I was sure that at some point he’d leave to fetch some coffee, giving me the chance to make a break for it, and maybe even have a few precious moments to say goodbye to my best friend. Unfortunately, he seemed more driven than ever, and it didn’t take long for me to realize that he wasn’t planning on going anywhere anytime soon.
I spent the next thirty minutes watching the clock mounted on the wall, convinced that someone had tampered with it to make it run at an agonizingly slow pace. There was no way that thirty minutes could feel like three hours.
Oh, come on! Don’t you have to pee or something? I wanted to ask as I stared at him pounding away on his keyboard. I wished that somehow he’d pick up on the thoughts I was projecting, but instead was left to watch as his attention flip-flopped between his monitor and the spread of scattered papers on his desk.
Now what do I do? I can’t sit here forever.
It wasn’t outside the realm of plausibility to just get up and leave, supplying him with some excuse about going to the bathroom, but was I really prepared to leave without saying goodbye to Loki? Guilt tore at me when I glanced down at his carrier sitting on the floor next to the desk. He’d been my only real friend for almost a decade, and the thought of leaving him hurt more than anything else Samson might do to me. Tears began to gather in my eyes, and I wiped them away before Holbrook saw them and questioned me. If he asked what was wrong I’d spill it all in a heartbeat.
Though I’m not sure he’d even notice, I thought, glancing up to where he sat with his uninjured hand pecking at the keyboard, the other fisted in his hair.
Turning back to look at Loki, I was struck by how his violet eyes appeared to shine in the gloom as he watched me through the bars. His gaze held an intensity I’d not often seen, as though he felt the weight of my impending departure as much as I did. Seeing me looking at him, he let out a short, chirping meow, and before I realized what I was doing I slid out of my chair to sit cross-legged on the floor.
Propping the door to the carrier open, I welcomed him into my lap and struggled to staunch the tears that rose in my eyes. It would’ve been all too easy to break down into a sobbing mess and change my mind about going, and as I trailed my fingers over his silken fur, I was tempted to do just that. I knew without a doubt that I had to leave, but the rational voice sounded so small in the sea of emotions clamoring for attention. The fact that Loki looked at me with an accusatory expression, as if he knew I was leaving, didn’t make my decision any easier.
“I love you so much, buddy,” I whispered, bowing my head to rest my forehead against his. “I’m so glad came into my life, and so grateful that you chose me to be your guardian.”
Try as I might, there was no way I could stop the tears from slipping over my cheeks when he placed his paws on my shoulders, giving me a kitty hug.
“Take care of the cowboy for me, okay? He’s going to need a friend when this is over,” I said, no longer resentful of their bromance. Knowing that they’d have each other after I was gone helped to ease some of the heaviness in my heart.
As much as the restless energy thrumming in my veins made me want to leap up and get the hell out of there, I selfishly allowed myself to remain on the floor snuggling with Loki for several minutes. I wished that I could have shared a similar farewell with Holbrook, but I knew that he’d lock me away at the first mention of facing Samson alone. While the white knight act was romantic, it was likely to get him killed.
For once, the fates appeared to be on my side, granting me a few extra minutes with them both. Content that I’d said my goodbyes to Loki, I started to get up from the floor when a puffy-eyed agent brought in a couple sandwiches and cups of tepid coffee, breaking through Holbrook’s concentration. Relief and irritation warred for dominance while I rose to my feet, relief winning out as I accepted the plastic encased sandwich and returned to my chair.
I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I ate until I tore open the carton and my stomach clenched in hunger. Drawn by the prospect of food, Loki jumped up into my lap, looking at my sandwich with the intensity of a teenage boy glimpsing tits for the first time. When my stomach gave another hungry spasm, I figured he had to be ready to eat his own tail. Flinging the wilted piece of lettuce into the trashcan by the door, I tore off a chunk of soggy bread and mystery meat for Loki and then took a large bite. Vending machine food had never tasted so good.