What the hell was I thinking? I can’t do this.
The sugary scent of Holbrook surrounded me as I drew in a deep breath. The smell of him was all throughout the house, but it was strongest here where he slept. Breathing in his unique fragrance I tried to ease the frantic beating of my heart, but couldn’t get past the noise in my head. I lay back on the bed with a sigh, the scent of him stronger the closer I got to the sheets. Before I even realized what I was doing I had already pulled back the blankets and was rubbing my cheek along the cool cotton, mingling my scent with his. The wolf floated up to the surface, her scent of fur and spice filling the air, twining around everything else to create a heady perfume. Rolling across the bed, I inhaled our entangled scents, the combination of them easing my racing pulse.
“Everything okay in there?” Holbrook asked from the other side of the door, his voice cutting through the haze.
I froze like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar, an embarrassed flush warming me all the way from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes. “Fine. Everything’s fine,” I called out, hoping that the door would muffle my reply, hiding the tremor in my voice.
Pull it together. You can do this. You’re just going to change. You’ve done it a thousand times, I told myself.
Bolstered by my little pep talk, I finished undressing, and unwinding the bandage around my ribs to toss it onto the bed next to my clothes. I’d only just closed my eyes and begun to reach for the wolf when I found her startlingly close to the surface, already arching up to meet me and burst free. She was eager to emerge despite the unfamiliar surroundings and the foreign scents of civilization all around us. She was feeling the need for release even more fiercely than I was. It sang to her in the siren song that only those with my particular affliction can hear, calling to her, seducing her.
I’d never had the change come on so quickly, or with such strength. One moment I was standing beside the bed, preparing for the flare of pain that I knew would come, and the next I was on my hands and knees, shuddering at the prickle of fur erupting all over my body. The change tore through me with enough force to knock the air from my lungs and narrow my vision down to dark pinpoints. When I came back to my senses I was sprawled on the floor, panting in an effort to fill my burning lungs with air.
“Riley? Are you okay?” Holbrook asked from beyond the door, his voice tight with worry.
I could smell his tension and hear the rapid thump of his heart. I was about to tell him everything was fine when I remembered that I’d shifted and he was just as likely to understand me as the raccoon rustling around the trashcans in the yard. My legs trembled as I climbed to my feet but held steady. Giving my body a thorough shake, I let the last few tremors of the change subside before I padded to the door and stopped. Looking at the door handle I realized my oversight.
Shit, I guess I didn’t really think that part through.
Scratching the bottom of the door I stepped back and waited for Holbrook to open it. The door creaked open to reveal him standing in the hallway, backlit by the lights in the living room. Both the wolf and I admired the fine figure he cut in low slung Levis and a form fitting FBI academy t-shirt.
“Wow. You’re um…big,” he said, his green eyes bright and wide.
Tilting my head to the side I frowned at him, my lip curling back to bare a single large canine in warning.
“Sorry,” he murmured, eyes still wide as he stared at me.
Huffing, I pushed past him, knocking him into the wall with one large muscled shoulder.
“Hey! Watch it!” he said with a laugh, following me into the living room rubbing his elbow, though I noted that he kept his distance.
Circling wide around me, he eased down into the recliner, his movements slow and measured, as though he was afraid to move too fast. Around any other were I would have said that was a wise move, but such precautions weren’t necessary with me. When I shifted, I never fully relinquished control to the wolf. The thought of completely losing myself to the beast terrified me, and I’d never mustered the courage to let go.