A tiny corner of my heart deflated at the brevity of the visit, and I fisted his shirt like that might hold him here with me. “We need to talk.”
“Am I in trouble?” He ruffled the longer hair on top of his head into a tousled mess. “I should have called before inviting myself over, but I didn’t think. I heard you got hurt and I—”
“I’m glad you’re here.” I blasted out a sigh. “The problem is how you knew to come in the first place.”
“Taz called me right after it happened. Amelie reached out thirty minutes later with an update.” A frown knit his brow. “Did you not want me to know?”
“It’s not that.” I traced the logo on his T-shirt with my fingertip. “Of course I want them to call you when it’s important, but it feels like every time I get a paper cut, one of them is texting you.”
“I didn’t ask them to if that’s where you’re headed with this.” He tangled his fingers in my hair. “I haven’t discouraged them, though. I’ll give you that.”
“I would appreciate a touch more privacy, that’s all I’m saying.”
“Ah.” The weight of his hand pulled on my scalp in a pleasant way. “You’re waiting for me to lose my cool over you convalescing in Linus’s bed.”
Aware he was cataloging the damage and not going in for a kiss, I still allowed him to tip my head back. “I will admit I expected fireworks.”
“Grier.” The rare use of my name released butterflies into my stomach, and he smiled down on me until the bruising drew his eye. “Are you attracted to Linus?”
Thinking I misheard him, I straightened on his lap. “What?”
Our gazes clashed, and he repeated the question. “Are you romantically interested in Linus Andreas Lawson III?”
Had the pain not stopped me from dropping my jaw, it would have scraped the floor. “What?”
“Your shock is priceless.” Amusement lightened his eyes. “You’ve really never thought about it?”
“He’s got pretty hair but…” I tried and failed to frame a response. He was smart and kind and funny and so many other unexpected things. “He’s Linus.”
A smirk tugged up one corner of his lips. “And I’m Boaz.”
I frowned. “Exactly.”
“See, I don’t care how you ended up in his bed. I don’t care that you stayed there all night. I don’t even need to know what happened while you were there, alone with him.”
“You don’t.” I heard the doubt thick in my voice.
“I trust you.” His eyes searched mine. “You would tell me if you wanted out.”
I huffed a frustrated sigh. “You’re barely in.”
Boaz trapped his bottom lip with his upper teeth right over the scar I remembered so well, but it didn’t stop his shoulders from bouncing with laughter. “You have no idea how much restraint I’m showing by keeping this conversation PG.”
“Perv.”
“I’m your perv.”
Unable to resist being amused, I rolled my eyes. “That shouldn’t sound as sweet as it does.”
“I told you,” he said with a wink, “it’s all about proper motivation.”
“Stop distracting me.” I pinched his nipple and relished his yelp. “We need to talk about Taz.”
“No, we don’t.” A grimness settled over his expression. “I cut her loose.”
“You don’t get to make that call.” Contrary, yeah, but I hated that he had pulled the trigger without asking me first. “I can continue working with her if I choose.”
“Tell me the truth.” His fingertip skated through the air over my jaw. “Was this the first time she’s hurt you? I don’t mean scratches or bruises from training, I mean damaged you enough to require medical intervention.”
My silence answered for me.
“Taz believes in tough love, and I know you appreciate that, but this is taking things too far.”
“I like her.” That she didn’t pull her punches after hearing my name was a bonus. “She’s taught me a lot.” But facts were facts. “You guys might be right, though. She may be too advanced for me right now.”
“Linus knew?” His derisive snort required no response. “He should have stepped in sooner.”
“I asked him not to interfere.” And guilt had eaten him up on the sidelines. I never should have put him in that situation. “He’s taken care of me…after…but he wasn’t happy about the choices I’ve made.”
“Have you ever stopped to wonder if there’s a reason you let it go so far?” His voice dipped into a lower register. “You should have set her straight after the first time it happened, but you didn’t. Why is that?”
I got a bad feeling about where this was headed. “I thought I could handle it. I was handling it.”
“Are you sure you weren’t taking the punishment because you felt like you deserved it?” Boaz gentled his hold on me. “You internalized so much of what happened to you, it’s become your default to bury what you’re thinking and feeling. I never know what’s going on in that head of yours.” He scanned my face. “Can you look me in the eye and tell me you weren’t using Taz as an outlet?”
A quiver tightened my stomach. “I am not a masochist.”
“Atramentous—”
“No.” I shoved at him. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“That’s the problem.” He captured my wrists. “Are you still confiding in Odette?”
“I’ve been busy.” Guilt if I kept Amelie waiting was driving me home earlier and earlier these days. “I don’t have to schedule weekly therapy sessions.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, Squirt, but maybe you do.” His hands drifted higher until he held me by the shoulders. “Have you seen your face?”
Maybe Taz had once accused me of walking into punches I could have blocked, but I had been sick with the knowledge I was leading Linus into a trap set for the dybbuk at the time. Truthfully? I may have been jonesing for punishment then, but it’s not like I go around rubbing my hands with glee when I imagine all the pain I’ll be in during or after sparring with her.
And fine, yes, so I have a backlog of pent-up rage searching for a target. I could admit that much. There was something cathartic about striking another person as hard as you could when you knew they would deflect the blows to minimize the damage.
Life had been using me as a punching bag for so long, it felt good hitting back.
“I will consider scheduling regular head-shrinking sessions with Odette if you agree not to interfere with my self-defense classes.” I braced for a mantrum of epic proportions when I added, “Linus offered to set me up with an instructor he knows who can teach me the fundamentals before I pick back up with Taz.”
A muscle jumped in his jaw, but Boaz nodded. “I had my shot. Why not give him his?”
“It’s not like that.” I braced my forehead against his chest. “It’s not a competition between you two.”
“Feels that way sometimes,” he muttered under his breath.
“Mmm.” I linked my arms around his neck. “Whatever happened to trust?”
“This has nothing to do with trust.” His eyes met mine. “Or you, really.”
“Ah.” I nodded sagely. “This is one of those manly contests that involves the whipping out of—”
“Please finish that sentence.” He settled his arms around my waist. “I’ve never heard you say a dirty word in your life.”
“Hmph.” I jutted out my chin, wincing at the bite of discomfort. “I can be dirty.”
“I look forward to a demonstration—after you’re healed.” Pushing me back against the pillows, he shifted until his weight dented the mattress beside me. “You’re not going to tempt me into misbehaving when I came all the way here to make sure you were okay.”
I fluttered my eyelashes at him. “Came all the way from…?”
“Nice try.” He nudged me onto my side facing the wall then spooned behind me. “You sure talk a lot for someone with a missing tongue and a broken jaw.”
A snort escaped me. “It wasn’t that bad.”
“Do you know how lucky you are that you didn’t swallow it? That Linus found and reattached it?”
“Gack.” I tasted acid in the back of my throat. “Let’s not talk about self-cannibalism.”
“We don’t have to talk at all,” he murmured, lips pressing against my neck. “I’ll settle for cuddling.”