Behind me the song gets louder, calling me back. Time is up—I have to get in the elevator or risk being stuck here forever. I look down at Kenneth’s hand clamped on my wrist. He makes his guests suffer by making them as they really are—burned or broken. What would happen to Kenneth if I put him in the real world? How is he really?
I reach out suddenly to grab the collar of his tux, holding him fast. He begins to struggle, frightened, and lets go of my wrist, trying to pry my fingers loose. I close my eyes, listening to the song, letting the melody make sense. Feeling the cold air on the side of the road as it climbs over my skin. The aches in my broken bones. The tears in my flesh. “As you really are, Kenneth,” I whisper harshly, willing it. “As you really are.”
Kenneth howls in pain, but slowly his fight starts to lessen. I open my eyes, inches from his terrible face. He roars, but then his skin starts to wither. Burns appear, dotting the edges of his cheeks with blisters, bursting and then reopening as he screams in pain. His flesh is eaten away, blackening and falling off. His body becomes lighter in his tuxedo, but I hold on, disgusted and horrified, but emboldened and stronger. My pain is fading, the music is quieting. My connection to the outside is evaporating.
I feel myself slipping away, the presence of death stealing my warmth, slowing my heart. I continue to push Kenneth into a realm where he doesn’t belong. Affecting him in a way that terrifies him. Destroys him.
The only thing Kenneth is scared of is me. I came back, and he will never understand why. He’ll never understand how I love my family, and what I’ll give up to protect them. I choose this ending. I choose to live forever with my family, unable to imagine any other way. I control my fear with love, and that makes Kenneth completely powerless.
I let out a breath, one last rattle in my chest. “As you really are,” I say again, tears streaming down my cheeks. Kenneth’s eyeballs start to dissolve, and his muscles decay until he’s just a skeleton. Only then do I let go of his collar. He smashes to the floor and explodes into dust behind the counter.
The Hotel Ruby is hazy, and the desk attendant looks over, surprised. I stare as he gets up, his shoes scraping the shiny floor until he comes to pause at the pile of dust. He furrows his brow. My mouth has gone dry, my entire body trembling. It’s my last moment in the outside world.
“Can you see me?” I ask weakly.
For a second the desk attendant pauses, and I hold my breath. Then he shrugs and reaches inside the small doorway—a closet—and pulls out a broom and dustpan. He sweeps Kenneth away and dumps him into a tiny trash can. Leaving him as he really is: dust.
“Audrey?”
There’s a vacuum of air, and I turn. The crisp, color-filled world of the Ruby comes into focus. I see Elias staring at me, wide-eyed. The others are gone now, and like Catherine said, the quiet is nice. Daniel sits up, holding his head while still in a pool of his own blood. His suit is ruined. Catherine clutches Joshua’s arm as they both watch me in complete shock.
Guests are gathered at the entry of the ballroom, everyone quiet. I look down at my bloody dress and realize that all my pain is gone. There is no ache, there is no cold. There is no music. I suck in a breath, the sound loud in the silent room.
Elias puts his hand on his heart, tears drip over his cheeks.
I’m dead.
Chapter 21
My mother’s name was Helen—a name that took on a saintly ring once she was gone. She died from a stroke at forty-three and never had a chance to say good-bye. It was a tragedy, worse than anything Shakespeare could have written. It broke my family. It broke me.
But now, standing in the lobby of the Hotel Ruby, covered in my dead brother’s blood, I wonder what my death means. My immediate family is already gone from the world, but what about my grandmother? She lost her daughter, and now all of us. Could one family be so cursed? Maybe this is Shakespeare after all.
There’s a sharp pain in my heart when I think about Ryan, the fact that I’ve died while he still loves me. He’ll have to carry that forever, the calamity coloring his future relationships, hurting him. Or he can find peace. Find happiness.
My life, which I hadn’t wanted, was barely starting. But now I’m dead, and I’m never coming back. I’m fucking dead. With that thought, I sink down on my heels, covering my face with the shock of it all.
A moment passes, and then I feel Elias’s warm touch. He kneels on the floor next to me and gathers me into a hug, crying that he should have fought harder to save me. I rest my chin on his shoulder, listening, wondering if Tanya was right about the way he cares about me—that it’s different, that he’s been waiting for me all along.
When Elias pulls back, hands on my face as he checks me over, I see how light his amber eyes are, like he’s cried the color out of them. “I’m so sorry, Audrey,” he says, barely a whisper.