chapter 17
Katelyn stepped out of her car in a rage. “What the hell?” she screamed at Mike.
“Payback’s a bitch, bitch,” he said, snarling.
“What, you want to break my nose?” she demanded. “You really think you need a tire iron for that?”
His smile broadened and there was something so terrible about it, so leering, that an awful suspicion crept into her mind.
“I was thinking of taking it out on you a different way,” he said, eyes moving down her body.
His look and tone confirmed her suspicions. And while the Katelyn she used to be screamed at her to get in her car and run over him, the new Katelyn began to growl.
Mike cocked his head to the side. “What the hell—”
She leaped at him, kicking the tire iron out of his hand before he could even move. She hit him in the eye so hard it snapped his head back. She growled again, an angry, throaty sound that started to turn into a howl. She kicked him in the stomach, doubling him over, and slammed her fist into his chin with everything she had in her. His eyes rolled back but she kept him upright, hitting him again and again in the stomach.
He was wheezing when she finally let him fall to the ground. Blood was pouring out of his nose and mouth. Both his eyes were already turning black and his breathing was uneven. She stood over him, waiting for him to get back up.
A few seconds later, his eyes flickered open and he stared up at her. He looked like something out of a horror movie, and she couldn’t stifle her satisfaction.
Panting, she leaned over him. “This ends now, do you hear me?”
He nodded, almost imperceptibly.
“You leave Trick and me alone and I’ll leave you alone. Understood?”
He nodded again. Sheepish, scared.
She left him there, got into her Subaru, and roared away.
When she pulled up in front of the cabin she flexed her fingers on the steering wheel. There was blood on them. Mike’s blood. She’d have to make a break for the bathroom to try and clean it off before her grandfather could see it.
She left her backpack in the back and headed inside. As soon as she had opened the door she ran to the stairs. “Hi!” she called out when she was halfway up them.
“Katie, you okay?” her grandfather called.
“Fine,” she yelled back just before she closed the bathroom door behind her.
A couple of minutes later she emerged, having gotten all the blood off. Her hands had stopped aching, which was an added bonus. She went back downstairs. From the living room her grandfather looked at her expectantly.
“Sorry, bathroom,” she said with a grimace.
He nodded as she went back outside to grab her backpack. Somewhere in the distance she heard a wolf howl and it took all her willpower not to join in.
Katelyn.
Katelyn woke with a start, a dream fading too quickly from her memory to hold onto. The nearly full moon poured light down through her skylight, bathing her room in silver. Every nerve sizzled. Branches tapped impatiently against the glass above.
Wearily, she picked up In the Shadow of the Wolf. There hadn’t been any more information on the mine or the Hellhound and she was beginning to think there wasn’t any more to find. She had finished Cordelia’s diary, a litany of disappointments and excuses for the erratic behavior of her father. She and Cordelia had one thing in common: they hated Regan and Arial.
She put the book away and took out the paper with the picture of the heart-shaped boulder again. And she wondered for the thousandth time if the real painting had been hanging on their wall all that time.
She spent the next morning pretending to study and surfing the net for aerial photos of Wolf Springs — there were none — but mostly just freaking out. Full moonrise would occur in less than ten hours.
When it was finally time to head over to the Fenners’ she made it downstairs with her duffel bag.
“Have fun at Paulette’s,” her grandfather said, his smile strained. “And be careful.”
“I will,” she promised.
She kept forgetting to breathe. It was only her second full moon, and the first one as a full-time pack member. Her skin was tingling; she felt different compared to the day of the previous full moon, as if she was even more hyper-aware of everything around her. The sun was too bright; the wind whooshed with the rush of heavy breakers. An owl seemed to shout into her ear.
When she reached the house, dread wrapped around her as she took in the sight of the vehicles parked in the driveway. Arial and Regan were there. As she got out of the car, the front door opened and Justin came down the steps, his expression somber.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, queasy and anxious.
“Nothing,” he muttered, offering her his cheek. She kissed it, and he returned the kiss on her cheek. She felt nothing, no desire, just the certainty that something else had happened. Something bad.
“Let’s go,” he said.
He headed for the trees and she had to pick up her pace to stay beside him. He dodged a branch; not as quick, she pushed it back with her hands, nearly catching her foot on a gnarled tree root.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“To rendezvous with the rest of the pack. Everyone else is gone.” He gave her a look. “You were late.”
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“Don’t be late again.”
“Okay.”
As he passed a pine tree, he broke a twig and pulled off the needles, then let the bare branch fall to the ground. “I guess you’ve probably noticed that we get on edge a smidge the closer it gets to the full moon,” he said.
She nodded, so uncomfortable around him that she took a couple of steps away, trying to make it appear as if she were avoiding a couple of large rocks in her path. His scent followed, and she stumbled. He reached out a hand, and steadied her.
Flashfire.
“Yeah,” she said, trying to mask her reaction. “Like hyperdrive.”
“That would be the wolf, clawing to come out.” He held her hand for an extra beat, and then he let her go.
“Wow, that sounds so awful.” Her voice broke on the last word, and she cleared her throat. “Awful,” she tried again.
“It’s not, Kat,” he said, exasperated. “I swear it.”
They were deep in the forest now, weaving between trees. He seemed to be following a path only he could see. She smelled the air but there was nothing she could pick up on that might be guiding him.
“Come on, Justin,” she said. “I know something’s wrong.”
“More evidence that the Gaudins have been paying us visits. Uncle Lee is convinced they’ve got a spy here.”
“In the pack?”
“No, but here, possibly in Wolf Springs.”
“How does he know?” she asked.
Justin shrugged. “I’m not sure. But I know we’ve got a spy or two on the other side ourselves.”
She felt her throat closing up as she wondered if any of those spies knew that Cordelia had been in contact with her.
“How much farther ’til we get there?” she asked. She wanted to know if they were going to the same clearing where Cordelia had taken her for her first change, but she remembered that the pack was supposed to hunt far from there. That was why they had both been so shocked when the others had appeared, just as Katelyn was shifting. Uncovering her terrible secret. Ruining Cordelia’s life.
“About two hours,” Justin replied.
“Two hours?” she asked, coming to a standstill.
He huffed. “Our pack hunts deep in the forest, Kat, far away from people. That’s what keeps everyone safe.”
She shuddered when he said our pack. She wanted to protest, to tell him that it wasn’t her pack at all. But off in the distance a wolf howled and the urge to howl back was nearly undeniable.
“They’re calling us,” he said. “Let’s go. We can run if you like.”
“No, I’m good with walking,” she said hastily. She still didn’t want to join up with the pack, no matter that she couldn’t stop herself from walking faster and listening intently for another howl.
They trudged together for a while in silence. The blue of the sky faded to gray, and Katelyn sensed a change deep within her. With every minute that ticked by, her senses sharpened. The last few autumn leaves were brighter, more vibrant, even as the forest grew darker. She could hear tiny creatures scuffling under the bushes and the wind sighing in the trees even though the branches stood still.
And the more she saw and heard and smelled the more she wanted to run away. The heightened senses, the feeling of power that coursed through her body — all of it terrified her more than she could even give voice to.
Beside her, Justin walked as though nothing in the world was wrong, as though they were just out for a hike and they weren’t werewolves, and their leader wasn’t insane, and he didn’t have a girlfriend, and it wasn’t death to get between them.
A twig cracked somewhere to her right. A deer bounded in front of her, startling her, and she jumped sideways, slamming into Justin.
The deer ran off and Katelyn’s heart raced. She wanted to urge it to run far and fast. Because tonight we hunt and I don’t want to kill you.
“Kat, it’s just a deer. Relax,” Justin grunted.
“Don’t tell me to relax,” she hissed. “Imagine for five seconds that this wasn’t the life you were born into and suddenly you’re facing all this.”
“It’s not that bad,” he said, sounding tense.
“Oh, really? Mr. Fenner wants me to get married. And if I piss him off he’ll kill me. So, where does that leave me?”
“In a pack, and behaving like a pack mate,” he replied.
“I’m barely seventeen. I’m too young to even think about any of this stuff.”
“No, you’re not,” he said, voice husky. He reached out and took her hand again. And the contact sent fire running through her veins. But she had something to say, and she needed to get it out, no matter how hot he was. She forcibly removed her hand from his.
“Yes, I am!” she shouted. She couldn’t stop herself. There was too much pain, too much change, and if he didn’t understand, she would make him understand.
“You’re overreacting.” He moved his shoulders. “Even though my uncle’s got his . . . problems, he knows enough to give you some time to adjust. He’s not making any wedding plans for you.”
“You know he is,” she insisted. “You heard him.” She didn’t know what had happened after she’d left. What had been said. What had been done.
“That was only because he got you mixed up with . . . her.”
“But what about her? He was pushing her to get married and he wouldn’t even let her choose the guy.”
Justin frowned. “You mean the football player she was dating? He wasn’t pack material. And wolves can only marry other wolves. She knew that. She probably would have married Steve.”
Katelyn shook her head fiercely. “No, she wouldn’t have.”
He grabbed her by the arms. She could feel his fingers curled around her biceps and they seemed to burn into her skin. His nearness was making her head swim.
She stared at his lips and struggled to focus on what he was saying, but it was becoming difficult. She was having trouble thinking and for a moment she wondered if the change was happening already.
The wolf is trying to claw its way out.
“What makes you so sure about that?” he demanded.
“Maybe he was the one who started all this, trying to discredit her because she was going to reject him,” Katelyn said, feeling like she was babbling.
Is that right, is that what I meant to say?
She stared at Justin. His pupils were dilating and the way he was looking at her, she knew she should back away.
Run away.
“How do you know she was going to reject him?”
Let go of me. Now, she thought. Please.
“Because she didn’t love him.”
He smiled. “It’s not always about love, Kat.”
He’s right. This isn’t love. This is just desire. The wolf wants him . . . and I — I don’t.
But she did. She felt horrible about it, but there it was.
“Is that why you’re with Lucy?” she snapped before she could stop herself. She was trying to push him away with her words. She just didn’t know how far she could push. Her fuse was shortening. Darkness was falling. The moon would soon rise.
He made a strangled sound in his throat and his hands tightened on her arms. “I care deeply for Lucy.”
“But do you love her?” It seemed like the only question in the world.
His gaze took on a faraway cast, the muscle in his jaw working. “We can’t always have who we love.”
Like Trick, she thought in despair.
His eyes bored into her very soul. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.
“Kat, I’m only so strong,” he whispered against her cheek. “I think about you constantly and I don’t know what to do about it.”
Her pulse was skittering out of control at his touch. And she could hear his heartbeat, strong and fast. And then his lips were on hers and the world seemed to tilt and spin around them as she tried to turn her head. This was wrong. No matter how good it felt, it wasn’t a good thing to do.
But she could smell the ocean, the soap on his skin and . . .
. . . somebody else in the forest.
She broke away from him with a start and covered her mouth with her hands.
“What is—” He stopped, sniffing the air. “It’s Doug,” he said in an undervoice. “Doug!” he shouted.
A few seconds later Regan’s husband came into view, jogging toward them, mouth drawn, eyes hooded.
“What’s up?” Justin asked.
“Lee’s looking for you. I told him I’d send you on in a hurry.”
Justin turned to Katelyn, flushed and sweaty. “Guess we’re going to have to run after all.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll walk her there,” Doug offered. “Just go.”
Justin nodded and took off without looking in her direction.
A moment later Doug began walking, and she walked beside him. She tried to check her hair. A few seconds passed, and then he turned to her.
“We need to talk.” There was an intensity to his voice that put her on her guard.
“What about?” she asked, hating the way her voice quavered.
“I think you know,” he said, casting a significant look after Justin.
“I don’t know what—”
“Spare me, Kat. I saw. Hell, a blind man could see what’s between the two of you.”
She licked her lips, not sure what he expected her to say.
He walked steadily, head down, watching the path. Avoiding her. “No good can come of this.”
She lifted her chin, struggling to have an ounce of courage, of defiance. “Why talk to me?”
Then he did look at her. “Because I take you for the smarter of the two . . . and the one more likely to get hurt.”
They walked a few moments in silence and Katelyn struggled for composure.
“You know that he’s spoken for. Lucy would be within her rights to challenge you. To the death.”
“The code of the hills,” she said sarcastically, but she was afraid. And ashamed. If Doug had noticed, others must have, too. And in real life, she would never have poached on another girl’s guy.
She reminded herself that this was her real life.
Doug was silent for a moment. “You and I have a lot in common,” he said at last, blowing air out of his cheeks. “I was nineteen when Regan was allowed to tell me the secret, offer me the choice of joining the pack. And as much as I loved her, it was one I wrestled with. And there were months and months of training before her daddy bit me in.”
Bit him in. How could he have chosen that? She tried to imagine how it had been accomplished. Like a vampire bite? Surely not an attack in the middle of the night, deep in the forest.
“It was what I wanted,” he emphasized, “but after I became a werewolf, oh my Lord, was I lost. Overwhelmed. There were so many physical changes going on that I felt like I’d lost my mind, my identity, my life. I couldn’t control myself and for six months I felt like I was walking around in a fog, except for the nights when I changed.” He ran his hands through his hair, and she saw that they were trembling. “Those nights saved me,” he said, and then he fell silent again.
“Why are you telling me this?” she asked after a beat.
He faced her dead on. “Because I had months to get ready. They let me see them when they changed. I ran with them when they hunted. I knew what I was getting myself into. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been on you. No choice, no warning, no preparation.”
Here was someone who understood. Someone who was being kind to her. It was almost too much.
“It’s been a nightmare,” she conceded.
“And that won’t change, not for a while.” He cocked his head. “And it never will if you don’t leave Justin alone.”
Mortified, she looked down at her hands. “I know. But it’s not just me.”
“I know, Kat. And for his part in this, I’d like to call him out for his disloyalty to Lucy and his alpha.” His voice was tense, hard.
Frightened, she raised her head, not exactly sure what he meant. “But . . . you’re not going to?”
He shook his head. “Because then one of them might kill you and I don’t think you deserve that.”
“Thank you.” Her throat closed up and she worked to clear it. “Thank you, Doug.”
He clicked his teeth. “I want to tell you, Kat, that Justin Fenner’s been good to Lucy all these years. You’ve seen him. He’s exactly the kind of guy women fall all over. Looker, biker, cowboy. Bad boy.” He grinned lopsidedly. “Recipe for infidelity. I know there’s gossip, but I know that good ol’ boy. He has not strayed one single time. Until you.”
She caught her lower lip between her teeth, feeling guilty for just . . . being. But thrilled, too. She couldn’t help it. She was special to him, not just some random conquest. He’d been telling her the truth.
“Love is a tricky thing, trickier by far when you add all this mess of wolf hormones into the equation,” Doug continued. “Then trying to figure out your place, you need all the help you can get.”
“Regan hates me,” she reminded him, wincing even as she did so. If he had an angle he was playing, she wanted to know now before things got messier.
“Regan is unbelievably self-centered,” he said bluntly, and then he chuckled. “I love her, though. I’d die for her. I’d kill for her, though I surely pray it never comes to that.”
Lee Fenner, she realized. He’s talking about the alpha.
“I don’t want Lee to mate me off to someone,” she said. “Justin said I’ll be given some time to adjust.”
He made a face. “Not so sure of that, Kat. Your lupine instincts will kick in better if you’re in a relationship. That’s how wolves are. Focus on the group, and you’ll worry less about yourself.”
She felt a twinge of desperation. “Doug, there’s a guy, a normal guy—”
He lifted a hand to cut her off. “A few years ago before his . . . condition . . . you might have been able to talk to Lee about this guy, but not now. Regan and I were lucky. Every once in a while someone gets bit in to the family, to bring fresh blood, widen the gene pool. It’s a practical thing but still a very rare thing. Right now, something like that would be forbidden. Lee’s our alpha — and that business with . . . you know . . . has meant he can’t afford to be seen to back down from any decision.”
“Not even one that concerns his own daughter?” she asked. “Her safety? If he’s her alpha, isn’t she his responsibility?”
“That’s why he banished her. So that she wouldn’t be his responsibility,” Doug replied. “So he could avoid putting her to death.”
“But he could choose not to. He’s the alpha.”
“We live by forcing her. So, if you value both your lives, keep your mouth shut. And I will, too.”
She nodded. She was grateful for Doug’s understanding —and for his discretion. But he was a member of the pack, loyal to Lee and married to Regan. How much of an ally could he be? And if Lee’s own daughter, high-ranking Cordelia, wasn’t going to be allowed back into her family, into her pack, what choices did she have?
She cast a sidelong glance his way. He seemed to be a good man. Al, too, who was married to Arial. How did two such nasty women end up with decent guys? It was a mystery.
After a while he spoke again. “The clearing’s just ahead.” He peered up at the sky, which was almost dark. “We should get a move on.”
He broke into a run and she raced with him. Even though it was shadowy and dim beneath the trees, she could still see the way. It felt good to stretch out her legs and to let loose, running so fast she marveled at the feeling of the speed.
Birds scattered as she and he burst into a clearing and came to a stop. The rest of the pack had gathered. They were wearing underwear, T-shirts, and tank tops, and she averted her gaze, embarrassed. Someone chuckled.
Clad only in track shorts, Justin was standing next to Mr. Fenner, who had on a bathrobe. Doug touched her elbow almost imperceptibly and then walked over to Regan. Lucy was holding hands with Jesse, and Arial and Albert were talking with their heads close together.
Mr. Fenner raised his head and lifted a finger in the air. “Get ready,” he told her. Then he tossed off the bathrobe, revealing a pair of boxers and a cheap white T-shirt.
He meant for her to undress, too. She’d put on loose shorts and a T-shirt beneath her clothes, and she looked around for a good place to stash her stuff so she’d be able to find them again in the morning.
Hopefully before anyone else wakes up.
Her skin was beginning to tingle. They had cut it close. The change was coming.
In the next instant, Katelyn found herself surrounded by several half-dressed young men, including Steve Berglund. They ringed her, walking slowly around her, acting as though they were sniffing the air. Her chest tightened. What was happening? Was Mr. Fenner going to choose a mate for her tonight? She opened her mouth to scream a protest and it came out as a howl.
She could feel the moon pulling on her, calling to her. Fire traced its way through her veins and she could hear her bones cracking. Her clothes ripped at the seams as her body changed.
She glanced up and saw everyone changing around her, and fresh horror flooded her.
I’m lost.