“Yeah, okay.”
He pulled his head up over the edge, and I slid off my pants. I had a small pair of pajama shorts shoved in my bag, on the off chance I got to sleep comfortably, and I dug around for them.
Meanwhile, the whole bunk shook as Lazlo wriggled around, and I didn"t understand why until I saw his jeans drop over the side of the bed, followed by his tee shirt.
“Done!” Lazlo announced with some pride.
“I didn"t realize it was a race,” I muttered as I yanked on my shorts.
“Well, now you do,” he replied. “This isn"t so bad, right?” I climbed underneath the covers. The bed, the pillow, and the sheet were all incredibly thin, but it was better than sleeping on the ground. And it felt better than sleeping at Korech"s ranch.
I looked over at the bed next to me, and based on her breathing, Harlow was already asleep. I think even she felt better here. Or she would, once she got past how she felt about losing Lia.
“I mean, you"re glad I talked you into staying the night?” Lazlo asked when I didn"t say anything.
“Yeah, I"m glad.”
“We can leave in the morning, and we"ll do better because we"re rested,” Lazlo said, almost cheerily, and my stomach knotted up.
I stared up at the bunk above me, where Lazlo was hidden on the other side. I had no intention of taking him, or anyone, with me tomorrow. I wasn"t sure if I wanted to have the argument now, or first thing in the morning.
“You"re not coming with me tomorrow.” I grimaced and decided it would be better to get it out of the way.
“What?” The bed moved and his head appeared over the edge. “What are you talking about?”
“I"m going by myself tomorrow,” I reiterated and refused to look him in the eye.
“What? What the hell? Why?”
“Shh! Harlow is sleeping!” I said. I glanced over at her, and she moved a little, but I don"t think she woke up.
Lazlo turned around and dropped to the ground, wearing only his boxers. He had tangles of ivy tattooed across his hips and lower abdomen, and the lyrics from one of his songs scrawled across his chest. I didn"t want to notice him shirtless so I kept my eyes fixed on the bunk above me.
When he crouched down next to me, he leaned his arms on my bed so his face was right next to mine.
“You"re leaving by yourself?” Lazlo sounded a little hurt. Which was really stupid, since leaving by myself was in his best interest. He"d be safer here.
“It"s safe here. This is a nice place.” I motioned to the bunks. “It"s not so bad.”
“Yeah, for a night.” Lazlo backpedaled on his earlier proclamation.
“Oh, come on. You know you"re not gonna find a place much better than this. This is damn near paradise.”
“There"s a raving band of marauders who might gun us down,” he pointed out. “Most other places only have zombies. So that makes it a little worse.”
“Maybe. I just think that I should go by myself. After what happened today, I just…” I trailed off, unwilling to articulate exactly what I felt.
“This is about Lia?” Lazlo asked, much louder than I would"ve liked.
He wasn"t shouting by any means, but Harlow was right there. She twitched and moaned in her sleep, the way she usually did, and I looked over at her. I did not want to her to hear anything about Lia. It would only upset her more.
“Come on,” I sighed and got up.
I was in pajamas, and this place was a maze, so I didn"t go very far. On the other side of the room, close to where Vega slept, I stopped and leaned up against a wall between two bunks.
“So this is about Lia?” Lazlo put one of his hands on the top bunk, leaning on it, and watched me.
“She got killed today because of me.” My voice miraculously stayed even, but a pain grew in my chest. “I never should"ve let her leave Korech"s ranch.”
“Oh, come on,” Lazlo scoffed. “That guy was a total sicko, and you know it. Besides that, you didn"t ?let" her do anything. It was her choice.”
“No, you said it yourself. Survival has a different price. She was safe there! Maybe Korech was a perv. But if she had stayed there, she"d still be alive today.”
“Maybe,” he allowed. “But maybe she would"ve died anyway. Who knows? But it was her choice to leave. She didn"t want to be there, and you didn"t have any more right to force her to stay there than you do me.”
“I"m not gonna let you follow me around and get yourself killed.” Frustrated tears stung my eyes, and I hated it. “I got her killed today, and I won"t do that to you.”
“I liked Lia,” Lazlo said gently. “She was a really nice girl, and I am sad that she"s gone.
But you can"t blame yourself for her death just because it hurts.”
“I blame myself because it"s my fault!” I insisted. “I never should"ve let her leave the ranch. And when she was dying, I didn"t even go out to her. I let her die alone.” A tear rolled down my cheek, and I wiped it away as quickly as I could.