We crossed the crowded cafeteria to get to the nearly vacant courtyard. Few students braved the cool fall air to lounge on the browning lawns and enjoy their lunches outdoors. Eliana already sat on a low wall near the trees.
As soon as she saw us, her face lit up with her usual shy smile, and she waved. I returned the wave, relieved she still seemed fine. Since she’d heard Trammer’s insensitive remark about the creatures here being parasites that fed off of humans, I’d worried about her. She’d been sensitive about being a succubus before the man went on his hate rant.
“How’d the reading go?” she asked when I sat next to her. Oanen handed me one of the three insulated lunch bags she had nearby.
“It was okay. I was expecting some big secrets; instead, it’s just—”
My lips kept moving but no sound came out.
“Part of the binding spell in the library,” Oanen said. “You can’t talk about what you read.” He unwrapped his sandwich and took a large bite.
“Don’t worry,” Eliana said. “Anything that’s common knowledge will loosen up inside you after a few days, and you’ll be able to talk about it. It’s a different sort of spell. Tricky. And not often used because of its quirks.”
She noticed my surprised look and paused.
“What?” she asked.
“How do you know all this? Have you been in the library already?” Adira had made it sound like letting students in there was something they normally don’t do.
“No. I was stuck in beginner’s magic two years ago. All any of the druid-types could talk about was the binding spell. Getting it right shows a level of mastery that only a few like Adira have.” Eliana pointedly opened my bag, which sat in my lap, and handed me my sandwich. “It was a really long year.”
I unwrapped my lunch and glanced at Oanen, who’d already finished the majority of his. Taking a bite, I paused at the flavor and looked at the sandwich.
“Do you like it?” Oanen asked.
I finished chewing and swallowed as I studied the peanut butter and marshmallow fluff interior.
“Yeah. It’s different but good. What is it?”
“A chocolate fluffernutter sandwich. My mom remembered them from the sixties. Well, the regular fluffernutters. They didn’t have chocolate peanut butter back then.”
I took another bite, enjoying the sugary goodness. It hit the sweet craving I’d been having for weeks now.
“Eliana mentioned that you missed some of the food from outside. I thought this might help.”
I looked at his remaining bite of the healthier turkey club he held.
“You didn’t want one of these, too?”
His lips did that small little twitch thing again like he’d almost smiled.
“I’m saving the peanut butter for you.”
The way he looked at me and the remembered feel of his hand on my arm sent my heart racing again.
“I see Jenna. I’m going to go say hi,” Eliana said, quickly moving to leave me alone with Oanen.
I grabbed her arm and turned to her, my eyes wide and, probably, panicked.
“Now? I thought we were having lunch together.”
She rolled her eyes at me and tugged her arm from my grasp.
“Yes. Sandwiches. Not the stuff you two are throwing off. I’ll be back when you’re calmer.”
She hurried away. Flushed red with embarrassment and guilt, I stared at my sandwich.
“She’s not mad,” Oanen said. “She’s afraid.” He paused for a moment. “Like you.”
I looked up at him.
“This doesn’t need to be awkward,” he said. “I like you. Your smile. The way you think. Your temper. All of it. I think that saying we’re together is scaring you because you think it means something more than it should.”
“What does it mean?”
“That we’re spending more time together to get to know each other better.”
“That’s it?”
“For now? Yes.”
Why did he have to go and say, “for now?” I wanted to groan and cover my face.
He leaned closer.
“I can hear your heart beating faster. ‘Now’ doesn’t worry you, does it?”
I shook my head.
“Good. Then, eat your sandwich, Megan, and stop worrying about what comes later.”
Forcing my thoughts to something other than the large, muscled Oanen who smelled like summer and wind and everything I wanted to inhale, I thought about the library and managed to calm down after a few more bites.
“I haven’t found anything talking about the history of the gods. What can you tell me about them? I mean, they were real, I get that. But, why did they create all of us and then just leave?”
He stuffed his lunch containers back into his bag.
“I’m not sure that they just left. No one really knows what happened to them. They just stopped directing us.”
“All at once? Like, maybe they all died?”
He shook his head. “Gods don’t die. And I don’t think it happened all at once. But again, no one really knows. It happened a long time ago. Some of us live very long lives, but I don’t think anyone is that old. All we have are stories passed down from those who were there during that time. Stories that are probably in those books.”
I groaned.
“The writing in those books is awful. Old. Hard to read.”
“And I’m guessing not all in English.”
“Dunno. I haven’t made it very far,” I admitted.
“Why are you asking about the gods?”
“Something I read. Not all of the creatures seem to have strongly defined purposes without the gods here to tell them what to do.”
“Yeah. That’s part of why the Council and places like Uttira are necessary. It provides meaning for those without a purpose and accountability for those whose purposes don’t align with the collective objective of remaining hidden from humans.”
Eliana crossed the yard and rejoined us.
“You two all right now?” she asked, hesitating to sit.
“Yeah,” I said quickly. Not wanting to think about what had sent her running, I continued the conversation with Oanen. “It still doesn’t sit right with me, though. They created us, made us with these…instincts, then just bailed.”
“That’s the nature of things,” Oanen said with a shrug.
I opened my bag of organic potato chips and munched, lost in thought while Eliana hurried to eat her lunch before the bell rang.
If we were keeping each other accountable, and creatures like me were keeping humans accountable, who was keeping the gods accountable?
Two
“Almost done with the first book of giants, I see.”
I jumped slightly at the sound of Adira’s voice and turned to give her a disgruntled look.
“First book? There’s another book filled with useless giant information?”
She chuckled. “You might think it’s useless now, but when you confront a giant for some misdeed you have discovered, what will your first thought be?”
“I’d wonder what race of giant it was. Mostly, if it’s a magic using race that can manipulate time and space. The book makes those sound like the most dangerous.”
“Or the most useful. What else would you consider?”
“If the giant is in its true form or if it gets bigger.”
“And that information would help you decide how to deal with any wicked giant you encounter, yes?”
“I guess.”
She set a hand on my shoulder.
“You’re learning more than you know. Information and knowledge will only help you as you grow into your powers. And, in your role as temporary liaison. Which brings me to the reason why I’ve interrupted you before Oanen arrives. We’re concerned about Ashlyn. Would you check on her after you leave here?”
“Sure.”
A knock sounded on the door, and I glanced that direction, eager to escape the library. I looked back at Adira to see if she had anything else she needed me to do, but she was gone. Lifting my hand, I let the book fly back to its place on the shelf and hurried to make my escape.
“Ready?” Oanen asked when I opened the door.
“Yep. I’ve read more than I wanted to today.”
I left the library, and the door shut softly behind me.
“Want to do something tonight?” he asked.
Why did I feel relieved that I had an excuse to say no?