I stared at the TV, not really seeing the rerun so much as just attempting to let my mind go blank. What more was there to do than wallow? Nothing.
However, each passing minute only increased the resentment and anger crawling under my skin. One show changed to another, but I barely noticed. I wanted to break the TV. Burn the sofa. Destroy the stupid house in which my mother had caged me.
The knock on the back door only fueled the anger skulking inside of me.
“There’s no one home. Go away,” I said without moving.
The door opened, and the faint scuff of footsteps announced the approach of my would-be visitor.
“I should have locked it,” I mumbled to myself.
“No, you shouldn’t have, or I would have broken it,” Oanen said.
I lifted my head to look up at him and wished I hadn’t. Scabs still clung to his face in a few places, yet another reminder of my failings. Setting my head back on the couch, I resumed my TV stare.
Oanen moved closer and squatted down beside me, blocking my view. It didn’t matter. I kept my eyes trained on the blur of his bare chest.
“Talk to me, Megan,” he said softly. “Tell me what you’re thinking right now.”
“That I suck at girlfriending, and the only thing I do well is hurt people.”
“That’s not true.”
“Careful. I’m pretty sure lying is wicked.”
“What happened last night?”
“Exactly what Adira wanted to happen. I verified the new human wasn’t wicked then lost it when a group of drug-dealing thugs came over. My actions validated Adira’s point that I’m a danger out in the human world and allowed her to refuse my request to leave to find my mom so I could get some fucking answers, which everyone in this seventh-ring-of-hell, shit-place likes to hide.”
I took a calming breath and closed my eyes against the orange glow that reflected off Oanen’s golden skin.
“You need to leave,” I said.
“I’ve never needed to stay more.”
“You’re annoying me.”
“Good. Then maybe you’ll open those beautiful, glowing eyes and look at me.”
I did, but it was for a full out glare.
His lips twitched slightly as I met his gaze.
“What are you most afraid of?” he asked.
“Hurting you.”
“I don’t think so. You’ve already hurt me. You feel guilty for it, but fear? No.”
I thought about it for a second.
“You’re right. I’m afraid of screwing this up.”
“Technically, you already screwed this up.”
“Is this supposed to be a pep talk? Because you’re sucking at it. How did I already screw up?”
“You punched me in the face during our first meeting.”
“I’m thinking about doing it again.”
He grinned at me.
“How can you be so okay with all of this?” I asked. “I burn things when I’m angry. I can make people tell me all the horrible things they’ve done. My freaking eyes glow when I’m really upset. It’s not okay. I’m getting worse. What’s going to be next?”
He reached out and traced a fingertip down the bridge of my nose.
“Your eyes are glowing now, and they’re breathtaking. I could look at you for hours if you’d let me. Do you understand? There’s nothing about you that I don’t like.”
“You’re crazy.”
“Probably.” He frowned slightly and removed his touch. “Do my eyes bother you when I change?”
“No.” Dark blue or golden, his eyes did the same thing to my insides whenever he looked at me. But, I wasn’t about to admit that aloud.
“I get what you’re doing,” I said, sitting up. “You want me to face my fears and make them seem less scary. It’s not working. I fear myself. I fear that, whatever I become, will hurt you so badly that you won’t heal. That you’ll be dead because that’s exactly what I think I was about to do to one of the men last night if Adira hadn’t teleported me back here. Not only do I have no idea why I’m doing what I do, I have no control over it.”
He considered me quietly for a moment.
“You might know more about yourself than you realize. Tell me about your mom.”
“She dated a lot. Never really got attached to any of the men, though. Despite leaving me here, I know she loved me. At least a little. I remember hugs and kisses when I was small. I remember birthday parties before I started losing my temper and hitting other kids.”
“Do you remember your mom burning things or having flaming eyes?”
“No. That’s exactly why I need to find her. She knows what I’ll become, and she knows how to control it.”
“Her control means you will be able to control it, too.”
“Before or after I fry the rest of the hair from your head?”
He sighed slightly.
“It’s just hair. It will grow back.”
“Speaking of going back,” Adira said, stepping from a portal that spontaneously appeared in my living room. “I suggest you start where you left off.”
She set her hand on my shoulder and sent me tumbling backward. I landed hard on my ass and grunted in pain.
“He said grow,” I mumbled.
A bell rang, calling my attention to my surroundings. In disbelief, I glanced down the hall as several doors opened.
Adira had sent me to school in my damn pajamas.
Nine
Annoyance exploded into anger as students poured from opening doors.
“Someone kick you out of bed?” a giggling voice asked from nearby.
What the hell had Adira been thinking?
I jumped to my feet and started toward the library, storming down the hall in my socks. Students moved out of my way as if I had Oanen at my side. Only, this time, it wasn’t fear of him. They were finally seeing me for what I really was.
“Hell hath no fury like me,” I said under my breath, trying to ignore the way some of the students called to me.
Adira had pushed me too far this time. I’d stayed home for several very valid reasons. One, the curriculum at Girderon Academy was a joke. This wasn’t an institution for learning but endurance. And, two, I was running too short on any form of tolerance for anything. The students crowding the hall didn’t help.
A boy left a classroom, stepping into my path at the last minute. Had his wickedness been on par with Oanen or Eliana, I would have walked around him. Instead, I body-checked him without hesitation and smiled at his outraged yell as he fell. His backside barely hit the floor before I reached down and grabbed the front of his shirt to hoist him to his feet.
“Who do you think you are?” the boy demanded. I changed my grip from his shirt to his throat. He made a strangled noise, and his face began to turn red.
Another student tried to move in front of me. I backhanded him with my free hand, pushing him away, and focused on the wickedness coming from my victim.
“Francis Moss.” My voice once again had that booming echo from the alley. “Conf—”
Something hit me from the right. The impact jarred me enough to loosen my hold. Thin arms wrapped around my waist, and a hand snaked up under my shirt. All the anger left me as I fell to the side.
My head hit the cement floor with a hollow thump. My ears rang for only a second, though.
“Don’t let go of me,” I said.
“I won’t,” Eliana promised in my ear.
“We have her,” Ashlyn said from nearby. She continued talking, and I realized she was on the phone.
“She didn’t hurt anyone...yeah, she’s okay...Eliana, Oanen wants to know how warm Megan feels.”
I just lay there and kept my eyes closed as if it would protect me from the reality of my life.
“Hot, but not burning me. She’s cooling down already,” Eliana said.
Ashlyn relayed the message to Oanen.
“He says he’s on his way,” she said after a moment.
A small groan escaped me.
“No. Tell him we’re doing a girl’s night,” Eliana said quickly.
Snickering filled the hallway, reminding me that we weren’t alone.
“Help me up,” I said.
It felt like the entire student body of Girderon was trying to get a good look at the drama I’d caused. The kid I’d backhanded lay on the floor not far from me, shaking his head and blinking up at the ceiling. The boy I’d tried to strangle stood nearby, glaring but silent.