“It was awfully selfish of you to run away and leave your family. Do you understand the unnecessary worry? How would you like it if they left you without a goodbye?”
“I probably wouldn’t like it very much, sir, but-”
“They probably haven’t stopped worrying since you left. You could be dead for all they know.” Noah cut me off.
“I sent them a letter today. They’ll know I’m fine soon-”
“A coward runs away and hides-”
“Stop!”
I pressed my lips together and looked at Noah fearfully. He looked angry at first, but after a moment his shoulders relaxed and he sighed. I knew that if I had said that to any of my Masters it would have resulted in a swift beating. But this was Noah. He was kindly.
“I’m sorry.” I breathed. I felt my skin tingle, and a familiar warm sensation crept through my veins. I concentrated as hard as I could. I would not allow myself to lose control. Not here, not now. This room was filled with far too many important books. Noah had spent hours in here working and researching. I felt my body shake and I heard a strange rasping noise but I wasn’t quite sure what was causing it.
A moment later Noah’s hands were on my shoulders and his soothing voice was in my ear.
“It’s all right.” He whispered, “Stop crying.”
Crying? It took me several moments to realise that the strange rasping noise was coming from my own mouth as I took great shuddering gasps. I was then aware of the scolding lava seeping from my eyes. I wanted my mother. I missed her. I wanted to cry in her arms and have her tell me it would be okay. I wanted to play games with Helena in our little back yard, and have my father complain about how messy I always was. I wanted to pick the flowers from the Hawthorn tree outside my window, and taste my mother’s delicious potato soup. Why had I done this? Noah was right. I was being selfish and stupid, and they would be worried sick about me. But could I go back? Could I face them after this? Hadn’t running away made sense at the time I was doing it? I didn’t want to hurt Helena again. It hurt every time I saw those ugly scars I had given her as a result of my carelessness. I hadn’t even noticed that I was in Noah’s arms now, sobbing into his wide chest.
Noah rubbed my back soothingly. Did he notice that my body had risen dramatically in temperature? Did he realise that my tears would burn him? If he did, he didn’t say anything. I was starting to calm down now after my unexpected episode. He had been right, and I had been bottling it up. It was lucky that I hadn’t spontaneously combusted. It had taken me an awful lot of will power not to.
Once my breathing had returned to normal I wiped at the fire tears streaming down my face. I always tended to cry when I was furious, an embarrassing little fact. Noah watched me curiously as I was impervious to the heat. As usual, unthinkingly I wiped my hands on my uniform leaving it covered in ash, just like my face. Noah handed me a handkerchief from his pocket. My eyes stung as I looked up at Noah and muttered my thanks. I stepped back from him. This behaviour was simply out of the question from someone in my position. I’d deserve to be beaten after throwing myself at the Masters son. Deep down I wanted to be hurt, just so I could feel the pain of my decision. Noah however did not seem shaken. He continued to hold my gaze like I was a rather interesting book.
“I told you.” He smirked after what seemed like an eternity, “You shouldn’t bottle it up.”
“I’m so terribly sorry, sir.” I blurted in an unfamiliar hoarse voice, “That was unbelievably unacceptable, unexpected and out of order.”
Noah laughed, “I provoked you. You are forgiven, Avalon Redding.”
I took a great steadying breath and sniffed back a runny nose. Very lady like, I congratulated myself. I felt blush taint my cheeks as I realised how close I had just been to Noah. His arms had wrapped around me without hesitation and held me tightly against his chest while I sobbed. Perhaps I should have episodes like this more often.
There was an awkward silence now, though I wasn’t sure if he was as aware of it as I was. I turned my back on Noah and began straightening things again. It was dark outside now and beginning to snow. The wind outside battered against the windows fiercely. The weather was always so miserable and unchanging. Perhaps it was affecting my mood.
“You may leave when you wish.” Noah’s voice broke the silence.
I turned to face him and found that he had not moved from his spot at all.
“Thank you.” I still hadn’t recovered full use of my voice, and I was positive that I looked a mess.
Barely a minute later and I was hurrying to my room. I wanted to be alone for at least an hour before I had to go and do the baths and fires and go into the city with Jack to see Madame Feather perform.
I walked briskly down the corridor in which my room was at the very end. A figure stepped from a door in front of me and I went to dodge around it, but strong male hands gripped my arm as I tried to whip past.