Sylvain took over. ‘We’ve been informed by one of the students whose parents are on Nathaniel’s side that he is coming for them this week. The other students… found out.’
‘Oh they did, did they?’ Raj turned away for a moment, his jaw tight. Allie didn’t like the look on his face. ‘You do not,’ he said coldly, ‘know everything that is going on. Do not for one second think that you do. You are sixteen years old.’ His fist hit the desk beside him with such force a stack of papers jumped, landing in a disorganised shuffle. ‘Did you really think we would tell you everything?’
‘You should,’ Allie said quietly. ‘After all, we’re the ones who’ll die if you get it wrong again.’
Rachel gasped.
Raj flinched as if she’d struck him.
‘Allie. Stop.’ Carter sounded panicked.
‘No.’ Standing, Sylvain stepped to Allie’s side. ‘She’s right. Raj, you need to come back.’
As the others began to talk over each other, Raj held up his hands for calm. He turned back to Allie. ‘I understand why you’re upset. And you’ve made your point. I get it – OK? I’ll… do what I can.’ Including the others in his gaze, he said, ‘Now. Tell me everything. Start at the beginning.’
When they left the science classroom some time later, no one wanted to hang around and talk. Murmuring excuses, they hurried off in their separate ways. Instead of feeling more hopeful after talking to Raj, everything felt worse somehow. The atmosphere seemed tainted with bitterness.
As the others left, Allie hung back, hoping to talk to Rachel alone. But Rachel walked out arm in arm with her father and didn’t meet her eyes.
‘I’m sorry…’ Allie whispered, when they were out of earshot. Her shoulders slumped.
She could hear her mother’s condemning voice in her head. ‘You always go too far, Alyson. You never know when to stop.’
Maybe her mother was right after all.
Burying her head in her hands she tried to erase her mother’s voice from it, along with the guilt and the pain.
‘It is hard to be the one who tells the truth.’
Allie whirled to find Sylvain leaning against the wall on the other side of the empty classroom. His face looked serious.
‘Is that what I am?’ Allie’s throat tightened. ‘Or am I just an arsehole? Because I feel like an arsehole.’
‘Every leader must be willing to be an arsehole when it’s necessary,’ he said. ‘You were the leader tonight.’
Allie wasn’t convinced. ‘You actually think I did the right thing?’
‘If you’d behaved like an intimidated child Raj would never have taken us seriously.’ He shrugged. ‘You forced him to listen. By doing that you helped other people.’
Allie’s chest ached with unshed tears. ‘It’s just that… I like Raj. And he’ll never forgive me for saying that.’
Sylvain shook his head. ‘Raj would have said precisely the same thing if he were you. He will respect you for saying it.’
His clear blue eyes held hers steadily. Even if she wasn’t convinced he was right his approval made her feel better – more confident.
‘How do you do that?’ Allie said.
‘Do what?’
‘Make me feel braver.’
‘You are always brave,’ he said simply.
Heat seemed to flood through her.
If she was truly brave, then she could say what she needed to say to him.
She walked closer to where he stood, leaning against the desk across from him. The skeleton hung next to her and she touched the plastic bones of its hand without realising she was doing it.
He looked at her as if he was trying to figure out what she was thinking.
‘There’s something I wanted to say to you,’ she said, uncomfortably aware that this was almost exactly what Carter had said to her in the woods the other night. ‘I’ve wanted to say it for a while.’
‘D’accord,’ he said in French. ‘D?tes moi. Tell me.’
It was devastating. He was always at his most charming when he spoke his own language.
She took a deep breath. ‘Ever since Jo died, I’ve been avoiding you.’ His eyes flicked up at hers sharply – almost in warning – but she kept going. She needed to say this. ‘I avoided everyone but you most of all. I was a wreck, and I felt like I had to be alone. All the time. For ever. I even felt guilty for caring about kissing you when she wasn’t alive any more.’ She squeezed the plastic skeleton’s hand as if for support. ‘It seemed… selfish of me to want anything for myself when she would never have anything ever again. And I was angry, because I thought no one was looking for her killers. But I know how much it hurts to just be… dropped like that. And it must have hurt you that I was so cold and… distant.’
‘You do not need to apologise.’ His voice was gentle. ‘You needed time. I knew that. I was never angry.’
‘And you waited for me.’ Her lower lip trembled and she paused to steady herself. ‘You never gave up on me. Why? Why did you never give up on me?’