Carter shifted on the rickety bench and it swayed unsteadily.
‘I know,’ he said. ‘But I just… I guess I don’t know how to handle this.’ He was studying his hands intently. ‘You have this way of confusing me. I think I know what I want and then you come along and everything gets muddled up.’
Allie knew that feeling well. ‘You do the same thing to me.’
Carter rubbed his eyes. ‘The thing is – Jules and me – we’ve been friends since the first day she came to Cimmeria. Did I ever tell you that?’ Allie shook her head. ‘We were just kids. I was this angry, messed-up orphan. She walked in on her first day at Cimmeria with her expensive suitcases and her nanny, took one look at me and said, “My name’s Jules. I’m your new best friend.”’ He chuckled at the memory. ‘And she was right. We were always friends after that. She was so confident and determined. We studied together, grew up together, joined Night School together… I guess it was always sort of inevitable that we’d get together some time. But when it happened at the winter ball, it was an accident. We’d had too much to drink and it just… happened. The next day I thought it was a mistake. But then, as time went on, I thought maybe…’ He hesitated. ‘Maybe this is right. She knows me so well and… we get along. It’s different with her.’
She knew he didn’t mean to hurt her but his words cut with the precision of a razor blade. The one thing she and Carter had never done well as a couple was to get along. The idea that he and Jules didn’t argue – that they just understood each other – somehow felt like another indication of her own failure as a girlfriend.
‘Then, the other night, you and I were running through the woods together, and… it was like it used to be. And I just looked at you and remembered how things were between us – the good things, anyway. And then… I don’t know. I lost it. I messed up. I’m sorry, Allie, but I care about Jules. She’s important to me. I can’t…’ Spots of colour had appeared high on his cheeks. ‘If she ever found out what happened…’
This was the opening Allie had been waiting for.
‘She won’t,’ she assured him fervently. ‘Not from me. And you mustn’t ever tell her. I didn’t mean to kiss you either. It was an accident. Like a… a car crash or something. We were out there alone, it was dark and we’re used to kissing. But now we have to pretend it never happened and learn how to be friends. We were good friends once. Really good friends. I want us to be that again.’ Her voice was passionate. ‘I can’t lose you all over again, Carter. Please. Just… be my friend.’
Clearly surprised by the depth of her emotion, he turned to face her. ‘You never lost me, Allie. Not really.’
She knew that wasn’t true.
‘We lost each other. And if we ever get together I think it will happen again.’ Her voice was resolute. ‘Let’s just be friends for ever, Carter.’
He met her gaze. ‘I will always be your friend, Allie. For ever. I swear it.’
When her last class finally ended that afternoon, Allie hurried down the grand staircase, her heavy book bag thumping rhythmically against her hip with each step. She was nearly at the bottom when she heard someone call her name.
She turned to see Katie heading her way. Her hair hung in long copper curls that flamed in the afternoon light.
‘I’ve been looking for your… what should I call it? Gang.’ Katie said the word with obvious distaste. ‘I need to talk to you.’
Allie rolled her eyes. ‘Gang. Friends. Whatever. What’s up?’
‘My parents got in touch with me.’
Allie frowned – Isabelle hadn’t been around to take phone calls for students. ‘Got in touch? How?’
Katie gave her a bored look. ‘Seriously, Allie? They can do what they want. If they want to talk to me they talk to me. You know, it would help if you just didn’t argue with me for, like, once.’
Allie held up her hands. ‘So fine. You talked to them. Is everything… OK?’
‘No, everything is not bloody OK,’ Katie snapped. ‘Would I be standing here talking to you if everything was fine?’ She adopted a wheedling tone. ‘Oh, hi, Allie, I just need to tell you that nothing interesting happened.’
Allie fought to control her temper. ‘Jesus, Katie. Don’t have a breakdown. Just tell me what you need to tell me.’
‘I can’t believe you’re the only people who can help me.’ Katie sounded disgusted. Glancing around to make sure no one could overhear them, she lowered her voice. ‘They told me they might like to go away this week, and that I might come with them. They said I should pack a bag just in case.’
‘What…?’ Allie began. But as the word left her mouth she realised what Katie meant. ‘Oh.’
‘Exactly.’